Question about tracking/planning family shit

NightFire45 · 2017-10-27T18:50:48+00:00

Uhhhhh...it's 2017. Sync/share calendars.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-10-27T20:15:42+00:00

Also, go to Office Max and get yourself a large dry-erase calendar whiteboard. Those are great if you don't want to go the app route.

PitchingGranite · 2017-10-27T19:03:38+00:00

I don't see anything wrong with it. She is deferring to you, and getting your approval on everything. No captain can take care of everything himself, you gotta delegate responsibility on some stuff. Is her doing this causing some type of problem?

drty_pr · 2017-10-27T20:49:07+00:00

What you really should be doing is leading her to a position to be able to make a decision herself.

If my wife wants to sign my daughter up for a gymnastics class, she does. I have full trust in her as my partner that she will make the right decision. If she doesn't, I'll let her know through actions that she fucked up and then do it myself next time.

OYS doesn't mean you're a Nazi who controls every detail of the family. It means that you know the outcome of every action is your fault. She wants to know that you take the responsibility for the consequences of failure, while also helpeing her to make decisions that won't.

This is what a leader does.

492249 · 2017-10-27T18:59:06+00:00

Ok so organization is your weak spot. Start tracking things. It doesn't have to be complex. If you don't like calendars or she doesn't like electronic calendars, just jot notes on an index card for the next week and carry the card with you so you can reference/add/update as needed.

Tebulus · 2017-10-27T19:07:00+00:00

Delegate with a purpose, do not just let shit happen to you. You're not a yes or no guy, that is an excuse. Are you just going to defer to your wife for every time/date always? Fuck that shit. You need a calendar. Owning your shit = owning all of it, including the planning and logistics. I got a dry erase whiteboard and hung it next to my front door that I draw in the calendar/events for the month. Its easy and takes 5 minutes a month to do. I also use Siri notes and my cell phone calendar which syncs to my computers.

Also it can play into your dynamic if shes is the scheduler as part of your plan and shes ok with it, but you still need to know when/if things are happening otherwise you're just shooting from the hip and hoping for the best and it will bite you in the ass.

dcapt46 · 2017-10-27T19:08:51+00:00

Use a common calendar. We use Gmail. She enters 90% of the entries (kids stuff mostly). I enter mine and some common ones.

Challenge for me is to check what is upcoming so I have some idea what needs to happen. One of us needs to drive tonight, or both, or need help from grandparents/teammate etc.

I try to check the next 2 days every day when I am on the train so I know what is upcoming. When we are booking bigger stuff like out of town we talk about it etc.

It is tough to lead when she is more on top of this stuff than I am but I try to be aware of what is happening so I am not a bumbling fool and I can say "You take the boy tonight to ball I am taking the Girl because I am coaching her team" Meet you back her at 9 for some fun.

RPWolf · 2017-10-27T19:21:12+00:00

Use an app called Cozi. Create a family account and set each family member up.

We use that religiously. I no longer have to ask her when anything is going on and when I plan stuff I can see when/if other things are going on and plan accordingly. I just throw my stuff on the calendar so she knows not to schedule things during that time and vice versa.

SorcererKing · 2017-10-27T19:54:39+00:00

You're probably overthinking things if you have to ask this question.

It's fine to let her keep the schedule, especially if you're approving the items that go on it. If she is making all the suggestions about what to do, then you'll need to lead more.

Find out where the calendar is so you can consult it once in a while and not miss shit.

Westernhagen · 2017-10-27T19:57:29+00:00

I defer to her to keep track of it.

Looks weak. No doubt she files this under "she does all the Emotional Labor in the relationship". At minimum, yes you should "keep it all organized in a calendar and shit" so you don't look like a hapless incompetent.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-10-27T20:07:59+00:00

If you're truly OYS, you will be up on the tracking aspect as well. I don't think it's necessarily bad to defer the tracking to her, but you need to be able to view the schedule/calendar without asking her every time. Because SHE might see it as being in control of the schedule (i.e. "I'm leading him"), instead of the task being delegating to her. Either sync calendars or put up a large wall calendar somewhere in the house so you always have access to it without having to ask.

crimson_chris · 2017-10-28T18:57:28+00:00

I'd say this. Even if she defers to you, she probablybdoes this to try and keep you involved. If you don't know where or what your kid is doing on Tuesday at 5pm, your are not leading.

You don't have to create the calendar, but you should own the dicussion around it. My wife and I have linked Google calenders. She maintains the big white dry erase calendar in the kitchen. My goal is to coordinate schedules each weekend so we know what to expect in tje following week.

JDRoedell · 2017-10-29T14:37:47+00:00

Shared google calendar. I add stuff, she adds stuff. She handles most of the kid stuff because I work about twice as many hours as she does. Refer to said calendar often so you aren’t asking her what’s going on, you just know.

TakeEverything · 2017-10-29T19:44:01+00:00

It's fine. You're in charge, and the planning has been delegated to her.

UEMcGill · 2017-10-30T12:40:33+00:00

I had a VP who used to say, "Delegate the task, accept the responsibility."

What you have is ok, the problem is if things get hectic using your wife as a calendar may lead to failure.

Although not on the sidebar, I'd recommend reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Steven Covey. What others have suggested is that you need a system. In the book Steven would call you a clock watcher, when you really need to be a clock maker.

I make it a point that if something regularly occurs in my life and it can be automated, to automate it.

Some things, like soccer sign ups and party commitments can also be met with a leadership directive. Before the school year I sit down with my wife and we discuss what the activity plan will be. I have three, and it's a standing rule that all kids must be in sports (leadership directive), so in a sense I give my wife permission before she needs to ask for it.

Things like party commitments are handled by a standard statement, You get one event per weekend. This came about because my wife had me going to 3 different family members places all on different sides of town in a day. I also had to enforce it a few times before she would follow the rule, so don't set boundaries you aren't prepared to defend.

Give your wife the resources she needs to be successful. If schedules are your strong suit, then use a system to automate them. Lead her by giving her an operational framework to accomplish the mission.

wolvesnsheeps · 2017-10-31T15:13:28+00:00

She can do the tracking but you need a synced calendar so you don't have to ask stupid questions. This allows you to appear organized even when you're not. No one needs to know your weaknesses but you. When/if you want to tackle that weakness, go for it. If it's minor to you, fake it and move onto something more worthy of your time.

olive_quill · 2017-10-31T15:45:40+00:00

Like many people said previous use a sync’d calendar. To keep track of everything else, use Evernote.

Title	Question about tracking/planning family shit
Author	gameoflibidos
Upvotes	4
Comments	25
Date	October 27, 2017 6:37 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7954qq/question_about_trackingplanning_family_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/question-about-trackingplanning-family-shit.205224 https://theredarchive.com/post/205224

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