This is going to be quite a long read, so I apologise if I bore anyone. I will add in a tl;dr at the end.

Basically, my last two relationships I have been cuckolded - openly, publicly, in front of my friends. At times I found this sexually exciting, but what I want most is to fuck a woman - I mean really fuck her. Feel her moan, writhe beneath me. I want to see that pleasure and know I've given it to her. I want a woman on her knees before me. Basically, I want to be an alpha. I'm sick of being a beta and I need the red pill's help.

Starting from the start -

Jess - my first time being cuckolded

I met Jess through mutual friends, lets call them Bill and Kate. Now while I don't consider myself ugly, I'd consider Jess as out of my league - big breasts, blonde hair, sexy legs. The kind of girl that turns heads. Anyway, Jess agreed to go on a date with me. It was a pretty traditional kind of date - I picked her up, paid for everything and we had a good time. This process repeated 5 or so times before we even kissed while I was dropping her off. I knew Jess had a bit of a promiscuous reputation but I guess I thought that maybe she wanted to be more serious with me.

Anyway, after about 10 dates we finally went to bed together. This was about 2 months after we first went out. I went down on her for a while, and then as soon as I entered her, I came. It's incredibly embarrassing to say, but I've got to be upfront if I'm serious about getting help. She said 'really?' and started giggling, which was even more humiliating.

Over the next couple of months, this process continued and every single time I would cum within 5 seconds. I could tell Jess was getting bored of it as she'd stopped getting completely naked and really only pulled her panties down.

One night Jess and I were out at a bar with Bill and Kate. When we're there, Jess runs into this guy she knows - lets call him Pete. Pete was a typical 'jock' - big, muscular, dumb. Jess and he were flirting, but I was trying to ignore it and not be insecure. When we head back to my place (Bill and Kate were staying there), Pete comes. I was a little annoyed by that but again, tried to be cool about it.

We're all in the lounge room having a drink when I notice that I hadn't seen Pete for a while, which to be honest I was relieved about. Then a little while later I noticed Jess had disappeared too. At this point Bill and Kate gave me a 'are you thinking what I'm thinking?' look. They went to bed, and I went through the house looking for Jess. When I couldn't find her anywhere, I went out to the backyard. I could hear noises coming from the shed, so I crept down there and when I got close I could here Jess and Pete having sex. Bodies slapping, her moaning and groaning - really intense stuff.

And I have to confess that in that moment, I froze. My cock was hard, and all I did was stand there and jacked off. I came in about 2 seconds and went back inside. A bit later I heard them come in but Jess opted to sleep on the couch in the lounge room with Pete. The next morning when everyone was up it was awkward. I could tell Bill and Kate were trying to hold back laughter. They went home, Pete left and Jess asked me to give her a lift home. I did, and nothing about the night before was discussed.

Things continued on with Jess, but we stopped having sex completely. We'd go on dates and I'd drop her home, or in some instances I'd drop her to Pete's place which was incredibly emasculating. This went on for about 6 more months - these dates and then dropping Jess off or picking Pete up and taking him to Jess' place - before her and Pete became official and he told her to stop hanging out with me.

I was pretty bummed out about the whole thing. My confidence was severely damaged and I didn't think I'd date anyone again. But, then I met Tania.

Tania - the second cuckoldress

I met Tania around 6 months after Jess and I officially ended. By the time I met her, I hadn't had sex for over a year. In fact, during that time I hadn't even kissed a woman. There was something about Tania though; she was fun, we got along well. It was different to Jess. We hung out a few times, then went back to her place and got into bed. But, my old problem emerged - this time it was worse. I was very anxious when we were in bed but tried to play it cool. When I started to roll the condom on, I felt myself starting to cum and in a panic squeezed the top of my cock. Tania sort of looked at me strangely, but when she saw the condom fill up she burst out laughing. While it was humiliating, she was nice about it. We tried having sex again later, with a similar result - this time I came within a minute.

Over the next couple of months, this process repeated. I just couldn't last. Tania did let me go down on her (something Jess never did) but other than that there wasn't really anything. I knew she texted this guy from her gym a lot. Tania was never as open about it as Jess was, but I knew they were fucking. There was one night she came over and was having a shower, and I snuck a look at her panties and there was cum in them. I didn't say anything to her about it. Another night she got a lift home with him. I could see their car parked out the front of my house for a while - 20 minutes, maybe more. When she finally came in, I didn't want to say that I'd been watching so I just played it cool. But when she kissed me, there was an unmistakeable smell of cum and cock on her breath. Again, I felt low on confidence.

Tania and I are still dating and we get along well, but I want to be that guy to her. The guy that she wants to give head to, that she wants to fuck her and give her orgasms.

Help me

So please, help me. I don't know what to do but the Red Pill seems like the right place for me. I want to be an alpha, I'm sick of being a beta.

TL;DR Have been cuckolded fairly openly by my last two girlfriends, one of whom I'm still with. I want to be an alpha and stop being a beta who gets walked all over. I want to be sexually strong, desirable and in control.