TLDR: Coworker that LTR was hooking up with while her and I first started to date texted her that he is going to start working with her again. I need help with determining what will be unacceptable behavior on her part.

I made a post related to LTR a few months ago.

Background: When my current LTR of 11 months and I first started to date, I was unaware that she was also hooking up with another man. It was obvious that she liked him way better than me: She canceled our date once to have sex with him, she sent him pics of herself in her underwear (I didn’t receive such pics until months later). She ended up with me because she realized that he was just using her for sex. He is a medical resident and I understand hypergamy. I’ve made peace with it since then.

I unfortunately found this out after I LTR’d her and was confused as to what to do. Ultimately, I decided to stay with her since we weren’t officially exclusive. However, I decided that if she still texts him, hangs out with him, etc. then it is a hard next. No such problems have occurred.

Current Problem: Yesterday afternoon, he texted her this message:

“I’m back in pain clinic. Are you around?”

This text most likely means that he is working again at the same clinic that her and him met and he is asking if she still works there (she goes there like once a week). She deleted his phone number a while back, but I know it’s him. She has not responded as of right now. I am not sure if she knows it’s him or not.

Hard Decision: My question is: what should I consider the minimum for hard nexting her? I am thinking if she actually responded being all friendly. Also, how do I handle both of them working together? I am thinking just continue with my mission, acting as if everything is fine, but keeping my eye open for bad behavior.

I am also just thinking about telling her that I noticed she received a weird yesterday when she was showing me her phone and then asking her questions (who is that?)

I know that I fucked up too – I didn’t vet properly, I live with her in her condo, and I’m pretty sure I have oneitis (no abundance).

Thank you so much for your help.