Last night, I broke up with my girlfriend. We had been together for two months. She liked to drink on occasion, and when she did so heavily, there was always a fight - it never failed.

So last night, after drinking probably about a pint of whiskey in under two hours, she became completely belligerent. She was bringing up past arguments, and there was absolutely no technique, frame, or tactic that would stop the meltdown. She started punching and kicking, and I made it clear that I was not going to tolerate that. I did not touch her, but I did threaten to knock her the fuck out if she continued physically attacking me. I probably would have, in all honesty, so I went outside to cool off and walk to the 7/11. I came back with food, and she had already run to the neighbors' house.

The neighbors are two European guys we had just officially met last night, and she apparently already felt like she could trust them implicitly. So she went to their house and proceeded to play the victim. When I got there (I knew that's where she had gone), she was hiding under their table. When I pulled up the tablecloth, she actually snickered at me. No joke. "Tee hee hee" type shit. I tried so hard to be sweet. I kissed her on the side of the head. I talked nicely and softly to her, trying to coax her drunk ass back home.

Then, one of the guys mentioned that she looked scared. And 'calmly suggested' that I should leave her there for the night. I really couldn't do much about it, because there are two of them, and I was in their house. So since they wanted to get into my business so badly, in a rash burst of anger, I decided to let them have her. I went home, packed her things, and proceeded to drop them off at the neighbors' door. Good riddance, bitch.

And all was well... until the morning, that is.

I realized after a few minutes of peace and quiet back home that I had left my passport with her for safekeeping (probably a mistake, but it tends to get bent up in pockets, and I don't carry a bag everywhere I go). No biggie. I'll get it in the morning. So I waited until this morning came, and went over to their house again. They have a large gated fence, and she was sitting outside. Of course, she was being comforted by one of the guys. Here's where my dilemma begins.

As soon as she saw me, she burst into tears. And I mean the most sincere, burning, child-like tears I have ever seen in my life. Not fake. Real fucking tears - like someone had just killed her entire family and friends, kicked her out of her only cardboard box under the bridge, and she was left with absolutely no one and nothing.

Now, before this moment, I was A-OK with dumping the shit out of her. But when I saw her weeping like that, it was like someone had just stabbed me in the heart with a bayonet and was wrenching it around to torture me before they pulled the trigger.

Do you remember that famous picture of the Chinese protester standing in front of the tank in Tiananmen Square?

It felt like that.

I almost caved - but I knew it was for the best. It took literally every last ounce of nutsack and testicle in my body not to run to her, hold her, apologize, and swear never to do that to her precious heart again. The white knight neighbor was looking at me the whole time like he wanted to publicly disembowl me. I looked at him stoically. But those tears. Fuck. They are deadly.

Now, guys, here's my main question:

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

Seeing her cry that way was, I shit you not, like taking a bullet to the chest. I wondered if I was seriously going to have a medical heart problem right then and there. I KNOW this is beta behavior. I KNOW these feelings are beta feelings. And I KNOW that she will move on and be OK, and that I can do better.

But those Goddamn tears.

Is it just natural instinct? Or something I can purge with proper meditation / sacrificing my firstborn calf upon the altar / etc??

Any thoughts?