Being a nice guy isn't the problem, the problem is being boring. Too many genuine nice guys are not interesting enough for a woman to want to get to know you more.

Cub555 · 2019-09-06T20:42:09+00:00

Great post. But I’d like to add a bit that I think needs to be emphasized to a lot of guys.

There is nothing wrong at all with being a nice guy. In fact it’s a good thing that almost anyone would appreciate. However, being a “nice guy” is not something special or worth bragging about and will certainly not get you laid on it’s own. The problem is guys who act as if treating a woman with basic kindness and decency should earn them an award.

It is not that girls don’t like nice guys. It’s that nearly all of the guys who even bother calling themself “nice guys” and then bitch about how women don’t like them but somehow like assholes are in fact some of the biggest (yet least self-aware) assholes of all. First off, being nice for the sake of getting something out of someone is called being manipulative. Genuine nice people are nice because that’s just how they are. If you are just being nice in the hopes of getting some then you are actually a bigger asshole than the guy who just walks up and asks a woman to smash. At least he is being genuine.

krakinmoon · 2019-09-06T20:07:45+00:00

In other words, have a sense of humor and above all else be funny. Making a girl laugh puts you light years ahead of the competition.

Bensea1 · 2019-09-06T23:03:42+00:00

People are confused about the whole nice guy thing.

I’m nice all the time but I do not bend backwards for anyone unless they’re absolutely doing the same thing for me. I have boundaries. I have my OWN hobbies that don’t include her. I text back when I have a minute and don’t wait hours to respond bc I think it makes me look busy, that’s pathetic. Make all the decisions, pick the place to eat, pick the movie, etc. If she calls you up and wants to go do X then agree to do X. Listen to her when she needs to be listened to. Everything you do for her is what she should do for you.

You do these things, you’ll start to see that she’s start doing extra shit for you that you don’t even require. She’ll start spending money on you more, surprising you with things, picking YOU up. Have respect and make sure your spine is intact.

Lucky_Knight1 · 2019-09-06T18:14:06+00:00

So how do I become interesting?

Especially when I'm not rich, not 6ft and not handsome?

2019-09-06T19:28:07+00:00

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warbloggled · 2019-09-06T23:55:14+00:00

Also, nice guys don’t get laid because they try to avoid causing discomfort by not making any physical advances without first having verbal confirmation that it’s ok, which is a huge turn off for women and in general.

It reveals a lack of intelligence. An inability to take a hint, or read a situation, it shows fear, being reluctant to take a chance which means your career is probably shit, it’s a give away of a beta male lifestyle.

smoothmax · 2019-09-06T17:39:55+00:00

The bad rep isn't so much for being boring but for being a "fake nice guy" who acts friendly but deep down is creepy. Acts nice but hides his real agenda.

The confusion arises from PUAs criticizing "nice guys" when they really mean the fake kind as described in the book No More Mr Nice Guy.

well_imaguy_sooo_ · 2019-09-06T19:11:02+00:00

Just a friendly reminder, you can flip this around on women, too.

I get my fair share of "bites." Women making moves and showing interest. I realized I was doing the same thing women have to do: I started selecting. I still don't really know what I'm looking for right now, and my selection criteria is . . . confusing at best, but some women really just . . . bore me. So I don't pursue them as much.

As a man, the same thing is happening to you, just on a larger and more competitive scale.

recyclablebanthas · 2019-09-07T02:39:36+00:00

..... you gotta be at least interesting enough in your approach and follow-through to make her wanna date you or fuck you. Too many nice guys are boring and timid and that's where the bad rep comes from.

Be nice but also be interesting.

Couple important notes:

1.) The usual problem with nice guys is that they lack self-respect/proper boundaries and end up bending over backwards to earn a girl, doing things they don't want to and often being someone they don't want to be.
2.) The message of "be interesting" is well and good, but similar to the food advice of "be yourself," not really actionable because it's too vague.
3.) Being interesting actually involves being interested in people: actively listening to people as they talk and just following up on what they say. Getting them yapping.
4.) Even if one addresses this issue of being interesting, it doesn't address the issue of self-respect or boundaries.

ChrisDarmount · 2019-09-06T18:22:48+00:00

Yeah I’ve actually gotten fairly far being a nice guy. I’ve fucked a lot of women and they often fall for me. I balance it with being very masculine and sexual. I pass a lot of shit tests and I’m dominant in bed.

I am starting to see when being nice doesn’t work though. It makes a weak first impression. Generally I need a few hours to get someone interested. I’ve been doing daygame recently where I have like 3-5 minutes to get them interested and my nice guy charms are NOT working.

kalz44 · 2019-09-06T18:25:09+00:00

I think there's nothing wrong with being boring but being timid and a "nice guy" won't get you anywhere with women.

Cthulhu_in_my_soup · 2019-09-06T23:29:35+00:00

What do you guys do to not be boring?

Odorousbag87 · 2019-09-06T23:34:30+00:00

Never understood the whole hobbies and fun activities advice. It just seems more disengenious. Cause honestly I know I need to get out more, but there isn't a lot of classes and what not I find interesting. So if I tried joining them it would show and would just lead to more rejection on the basis I'm not there because I'm interested in the subject it's an outlet to meet new people which then people will hate and end up leaving over

There is literally an entire thread on this in the dating subreddit, someone was complaining they can't do classes or activities anymore because of dudes who go there with no intention of actually caring about said subject

Raven-OA_ · 2019-09-07T00:45:08+00:00

If you want to keep a girl you need to be on it. Don’t let another guy come in and take her. Just show her you love her and care. You don’t necessarily have to be interesting or constantly entertaining. I’d personally rather be with a relaxed, down to earth guy who is being genuine with who he is. Then to be with an actor and to find out later it was all show. That’s just me though...

fatherwombat · 2019-09-07T00:53:23+00:00

I wish you could’ve told me this before I spent $1,500 swapping my wardrobe for edgy leather jackets and factory-ripped black jeans.

wtjones · 2019-09-07T01:32:52+00:00

Most guys don’t actually listen to women and that’s what they really want. If you want to spend the rest of your life swimming in vaginal fluid, learn to really listen.

aaaa2xa · 2019-09-06T19:34:38+00:00

being too nice is mean to me. like it hurts me so badly idk why

ArmitageShanks69 · 2019-09-06T22:17:31+00:00

What if you're boring but not a nice guy? I mean I'm boring but I just take the piss out people most of the time. Actually, I already know the answer to that. It's no different.

Crusaders1992 · 2019-09-07T01:35:12+00:00

I personally got laid a lot when I was single by just being totally uninterested in anyone. It seems that nothing drives women mad like a guy they want to sleep with showing no sexual interest in them(even if I was interested) but also being friendly with them and talking to them.

My solution is don’t put women on a pedestal, just do your own thing and even when there is mutual interest don’t bow down and put them above yourself. It’s not about being a major alpha male or being a dick to women, it’s just letting them know that you don’t need them, it’d be great if you had them but you’ll get along just fine without them.

Jimmygoodgolf · 2019-09-06T20:12:40+00:00

Most women are so unintelligent to carry on an good conversation. It's all about themselves

2019-09-06T20:37:26+00:00

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showmeurmoods · 2019-09-07T01:09:02+00:00

They are attracted to a guy with ambition and confidence. A confident man isn’t out here chasing women and bending over backwards to do whatever to please them. They are too busy pursuing their goals or maintaining how they got there. Women know where they stand on the totem pole. They can sit out here and say “real ass bitch give a F” yeah okay keep putting on that front while you’re out complaining about being single and how guys never commit to you. There’s nothing wrong with being a genuine nice guy as long as you have confidence and ambition and aren’t putting the pussy on a pedestal. Pursue the effort of being a better man and the results and women will come. That’s just my 2 cents.

Raven-OA_ · 2019-09-07T22:12:47+00:00

Yeah, it’s like being anxious seeing a girl for the first time who you haven’t seen in a while. It probably never crossed the persons mind that they’re just as nervous and afraid. We focus more on what we’re feeling then what the other person is. When we’re probably mirror imaging one another and on the same wave length. What do I say? Will he think I still look good? Will this date go good? Will he still like me after this? I hope everything goes okay... Basically just wanting to be approved and accepted because you like that person.

2019-09-06T22:24:03+00:00

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