Can't get myself to not pay for dates.

50nlballer · 2011-10-02T23:32:52+00:00

Meet girls for coffee or ice cream or invite them to your place to share your food and drink, and don't think too hard about this. Sometimes I pay for the $7 bill, sometimes we split; who cares?

If you invite someone (a girl you want to fuck or anyone else) on a "date"/to an event, rather than just to hang out, you should pay, or at least offer--especially if its expensive (a nice dinner + drinks is $50+/person). You don't want to put someone in an uncomfortable financial position.

IMO, it's really unpleasant and unattractive to discuss money in social situations. Don't put yourself or others in situations where you or they feel compelled to do so.

Horatio__Caine · 2011-10-03T00:51:01+00:00

This really depends on context. Seduction is all about congruence, and you really need to cultivate an "image". A lot of these tips are targeted towards broke 20-somethings and should change with your own personal situation.

For instance, I have a friend who's a investment banker and he's from Georgia. He picks up the tab for any woman, including me (his platonic friend) when we go out to a bar. His entire "image" (successful professional, southern gentleman) would suggest he pay for a date.

On the other end of the spectrum, a good friend of mine in college was a broke music major and went on several dates with recent grads who had paying jobs - he managed to get them to pay and still ended up with successful relationships out of an arrangement. But his image (sensitive, broke violinist) gave him an avenue for approaching this in a successful manner.

So really, it comes down to congruence. Cultivate an image - don't be a carbon copy of every other aspiring Pick Up Artist. A high-powered politician (think Bill Clinton) would never let his date pay for her meal. A slightly douchey rock star (think Kurt Cobain) might make his date pay for all of his meals. A tortured painter (think Javier Bardem in Vicky Christina Barcelona) might pay when he can, but occasionally have to ask his supermodel girlfriend to buy him Starbucks. Congruence - learn the word. It's not enough to follow a set of rules. Understand why the rules exist and what they imply.

That said, you should never pay for a date because you think it will make a woman more likely to sleep with you. That's just dumb.

hawktalk · 2011-10-03T00:22:43+00:00

Here's an idea: take turns. You can pay, but throw in "Now you owe me dinner" (with a smile of course). It's fair, friendlier than asking for a split bill, and implies you're seeing her again on another day.

ARealSocialRetard · 2011-10-02T20:36:46+00:00

Ask the girl when the bill comes: Wanna split it? or: Let's do it fifty/fifty, ok? Also, very relevant

wolfie1010 · 2011-10-02T20:14:42+00:00

I've never been able to crack this

diggum · 2011-10-02T22:39:23+00:00

Make the date suggestion for a place that has no bill or is very low cost. Boardwalk, shopping for your clothes or a birthday present for your niece/sister, a rock poster or art gallery exhibition. If she suggests dinner for this or a second date, get excited that she's taking you out and how she must be different since that doesn't happen to often.

There's no need to look cheap if you can suggest alternative dates that are interesting to both of you. In fact, it's usually better since it establishes you as different from the chumps who take a girl out to dinner and trade cash for their lack of charisma and charm.

cody_au · 2011-10-03T02:04:53+00:00

Am I the only one here? I tend to follow most advices posted in this subreddit. But this one feels kind of wrong. I understand the reasons behind not paying for a date, but I guess I'm too scared of being seen as a cheap ass.

What kind of dates are you doing?

If you're out shopping for food with her to take her back to your place to make dinner together? I'd definitely pay for it.
If you're out having a coffee? I'd definitely pay for it.
If you're taking the girl out to a restaurant or somewhere else mildly expensive before you've slept together then you're doing it wrong.

However, If you're a broke student and can't pay, there's no shame in asking her to help you. Also, I always have sex on the Day 2; and once she's my girlfriend I still often pay for stuff because I'm the main breadwinner. So, it doesn't affect me negatively.

Edit: There have been situations where a girl has offered to pay half, and intended to do so. In some cases I still paid, in some cases I let them pay, however I felt was reasonable.

I see lots of (even elderly) people splitting cheques for $4 coffee. That's not my nature and actually I think that's really weird. I pay for a lot of shit with my friends and they do the same. Hell, we spend $100 on each other every week just going to the movies and dinner. We're not rich, we just realise this stuff balances out.

So I don't treat a new girl any different, though I also don't do those expensive things with her (when she's my girlfriend it's a different story). A $4 coffee is a no-brainer to me though.

choc_is_back · 2011-10-02T21:14:04+00:00

I typically make jokes troughout the date about how nice it is that she's buying me this nice dinner etc etc...

But I think it's a bit of a cultural thing too - where I live not splitting the bill would seem pretty weird. Especially if you established the date as 'hey lets do this cool thing together' and not as an invitation from you that she accepted.

Actually, maybe this warrants bold:

present the date as a proposal, not an invitation.

2011-10-03T00:39:42+00:00

I always pay for the first date. You should be keeping it cheap and short anyways. If you don't, then just tell her to split it with you. It's not an unreasonable request and if she doesn't like it then she just told you everything that you need.

Also, after the bill has been taken away, you just let her know she gets next time.

2011-10-02T23:21:08+00:00

1 How much is the bill? If its 10 or less fuck it, pay it.

2 Why go on a date?

Eating is not sexy.

3 Easy, ask for some money because you didn't bring enough.

Marcob10 · 2011-10-03T01:30:18+00:00

I always pay on the first date since it's always not very expensive (a drink, coffee, desert...). I don't mind paying less than 10$. As for further dates, I try to establish an alternation in paying for dates and even out prices.

minutestomidnight · 2011-10-03T04:20:52+00:00

When I go out for drinks I usually start off by saying "I'll get this round". When we're done with drinks, I'll say something like "Let's get another round" and she'll take the initiative to order and pay for the second round. You can also let her know what you want, or tell her to order you something that she recommends to give her the idea in a casual way.

If you're at a sit-down place where there's a bill, you can let her take the initiative. If the first thing she does is check the bill as she brings her wallet out, then you can split it. If she looks at you, then you can offer to pay for it all.

It isn't a big deal either way, and you should be on top of your finances to make sure that it isn't a big deal either way. I'm sure you may be a poor college student with a part-time job, but make sure you save enough money to be able to afford a few drinks for a date.

_aserettt · 2011-10-02T23:21:21+00:00

here's how i see it. if im paying for my half, you're either friend-zoned or im really really really into you. :/ dont worry about being a cheap ass.

iznou · 2011-10-03T12:00:29+00:00

Downvote

Title	Can't get myself to not pay for dates.
Author	agust182
Upvotes	15
Comments	42
Date	October 2, 2011 8:04 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kylr4/cant_get_myself_to_not_pay_for_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cant-get-myself-to-not-pay-for-dates.1323287 https://theredarchive.com/post/1323287

Comments

1 How much is the bill? If its 10 or less fuck it, pay it.

2 Why go on a date?

3 Easy, ask for some money because you didn't bring enough.