How do I get better at cold approaching/build more confidence?

Neo-Rio · 2022-06-29T01:14:12+00:00

Stop giving women reasons to not have sex with you.Secondly, stop self deprecating yourself.

If you give them reasons BEFORE you've even approached them, you've shot yourself in the foot.

Push things with them as far as they will go and let her decide if she wants to have sex with you or not. You might be pleasantly surprised.

If you're suffering from anxiety though, you probably need professional help with that.

ksmith11011 · 2022-06-29T00:56:56+00:00

The best advice that helped me was to make little conversations with everyone. Not just women. That gets you comfortable talking to people generally.

Then step that up to occasionally making little conversations with hot girls. “I like your __. Is that _?” etc. Its exhilarating and scary but after a few short, pleasant interactions you start becoming more comfortable with it. You’re not trying to pick them up at this point. Just point out thing, cute little chat, the end.

All the successful guys here seem to turn it into a numbers game after that. Do x amount of approaches per day / week. But it’s a ladder to get to that point. Talk to the old lady in front of you in line first. Move up from there.

Yasmino7 · 2022-06-29T02:47:06+00:00

Just do your first approach, say "hi" (I know what to say is the question of the brain) then stand their until it get awkward and she leaves. It will tell amygdala to do not respond next time. Also go with the intention to make it awkward.

CouchSurf29 · 2022-06-29T03:11:32+00:00

Build your belief in yourself first. Maybe try a new song or a few on the guitar you haven't before. Challenge yourself to try something new and/or creative. This will give your tge encouragement to take a step out of your comfort zone. When you're able to build your belief in yourself and step out of that comfort circle, you'll be able to move about with women in confidence of yourself.

THE-NUMB · 2022-06-29T04:10:20+00:00

All of these given advice is not going to work until you practice a lot. Secondly make close friendship to a girl don't think about to get into relationship with her, it will let you know how girls usually like to be talked.

denis_x · 2022-06-29T08:28:49+00:00

practice.

ashton_men · 2022-06-29T10:09:58+00:00

Heyo are u me from the future. This entire bit sounds very familiar to my life. Minus the 27, job, career, and property and also I was the bully in school until I befriended the very person I bullied and stopped it entirely. Have friends can't date a girl for more than 6 months. Well guess I'll be around here reading others take on it .

EthicalSeduction · 2022-06-29T14:54:09+00:00

Got you covered! The thing about getting over approach anxiety is that it's best to take baby steps so each interaction feels like a small success and you notice how you are growing.

Make 3 approaches each day, to anyone, just to start a mini-conversation. Ask for directions, get an opinion, or give someone a compliment.
By the end of the month you will have started almost 100 conversations and you will feel a lot more comfortable approaching people! You will have developed conversation starters that work for your particular style.
As you become more comfortable, you can add in bits of flirting and go from there.

Baby steps leads to growth . Good luck!

jjenius731 · 2022-06-29T02:07:24+00:00

You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Confidence comes from being comfortable with WHO YOU ARE. Stop worrying about what everyone will think and focus on what you want, how you want to act. The rest will follow.

elhabito · 2022-06-29T05:12:02+00:00

Any sort of class or situation where you have to be in front of lots of people talking.

ZaynahAnimeLover · 2022-06-29T07:41:29+00:00

This is beyond the point but I feel like I just read a male version of myself For some real advise tho stop selling yourself short and your probably a great guy in other peoples eyes as well as good looking. That's what anxiety does it makes you overthink the worst possible scenario in any situation even about yourself. Also, love comes in weird ways so stop trying too hard and let it happen naturally. Id also recommended therapy. I had really bad social anxiety and I have been in therapy for one year I have gotten so much better. And a therapist in general to talk about ur problems also can reduce your anxiety as well. :))

epimpstyle · 2022-06-29T12:01:41+00:00

You can remain in your life on the same path as you are now and nothing will change in your life (maybe will go even worse) or .. or you can make some changes to go on a different path.

The easiest thing to start to make a change in your life is to go to the gym even if you are skinny... It will fix your body posture and it will naturally increase the confidence that you are talking now. If you slouch, you are talking to a girl with half of your mouth ... I don't know if a girl wants to continue to talk to you. The girls will spot a fake person, they are a kind of detector, it will not work to only pretend that you are confident.

BTW you are not going to the gym to earn a prize or to be Mister Universe, you are going there for yourself and the t-shirt that you are wearing now, in about six months it will look better on you.

froze_gold · 2022-06-29T12:20:27+00:00

The only way is to just do it

JJJeeettt · 2022-06-29T13:45:39+00:00

As a girl once told me: "Don't depreciate yourself. Most of the time, the negatives you see are not seen by the woman in front of you." You say your face is 6/10. Who said so? Not the girl you haven't met yet. The fact you know every little imperfection you think you have, doesn't mean people spot those as soon as you enter their field of vision.If you want a girl to like you, act as if she was your friend already, what's the point of acting any other way?And don't forget, people can't read minds, but they can sense emotions.If you meet someone whose presence you enjoy, act happy, not excited. Don't overcommunicate: listen, react, and just be nice. Don't put needless pressure on you or her, simply enjoy the moments you get, and see where those take you. If you like someone, make sure they know. Don't use big words or write her poems straight away. Simply offer to do something just the two of you. Worst case, you'll remain single. Best case, you won't.Good luck!

MisterMoogle03 · 2022-06-29T13:49:15+00:00

What worked, when I was single, for me was treating everyone the same. The point is to become an exciting conversationalist, not to pick up women.

If your goal is picking up women and that’s all youre thinking about chances are you will come off as trying too hard or caring too much, as you said yourself: not being your true self.

Women can smell bullshit a mile away, especially the better looking + more intuitive ones… stop putting them on a pedestal.

When you approach, you’re approaching just another person. Whether the chemistry is there or not will be obvious but definitely don’t force it

This is all very vague for a reason; everybody is different. As long as you drop all expectations and treat these approaches as a regular conversation, you’ll end up seeing a pattern in which type of women you tend to attract

It’s not easy, but it gets easier the less you care. Good luck

samozleg · 2022-06-29T14:39:04+00:00

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-06-29T14:44:24+00:00

Be less outcome dependent. Think of interacting with a beautiful woman as an experience where you have fun and let things develop, rather than framing the interaction that you want some form of approval from her

constantlyfigeting · 2022-06-29T15:09:36+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this brotendo. I’m in a similar situation, but would never think to ask.

Various_Bass_7553 · 2022-06-29T15:59:07+00:00

Hey you could be short like me and have a much smaller dating pool.

constantlyfigeting · 2022-06-29T16:15:48+00:00

Look good and talk like you know what you’re doing. You’ll get her easily. If you make yourself hot you’ll get girls easy. Here’s some extra advice - the reason some hot guys don’t get girls is cause they talk stupid

Mundane_Natural5131 · 2022-06-29T17:42:47+00:00

You just need courage to succeed in something not cofidence bro. To get the courage to do something all you have to do is not think about the negative outcomes just think about a criminal for example they have the courage to commit a crime because they are only thinking about the positive outcomes jewlry,easy money etc not the negatives which is going to jail, getting shot etc. all you need to work on is your courage which comes from only thinking about the positive outcomes and soon enough the courage will make you take a chance and one you succeed your confidence will be a byproduct of the courage

LittleCa3sars · 2022-06-29T18:43:07+00:00

Talk to everybody

There is something called a behavior chain… the more you talk to people the more you talk to people

No-Veterinarian4627 · 2022-06-29T18:44:20+00:00

Talk about them

pua_max · 2022-06-29T21:26:52+00:00

If you really care, move close to a city centre and block out 3 months to cold approach every day for 2 hours. There’s nothing like practice intensity to make you comfortable with approach anxiety and get better.

Purrty_Teeth · 2022-06-29T14:49:30+00:00

2 Things.

1) To take the pressure off the initial conversation I usually have a conversation like this: “Hey, I completely noticed you (in line at Starbucks) (when you walked past me) (and your nice dress) (whatever). Would you feel comfortable going to breakfast sometime so I can introduce myself?”

For me it takes the pressure off the initial conversation. Most of the times women will put their number in my phone and we will exchange names via text or as they walk away. This also serves as a good screening process because you may find that YOU don’t like her when you talk on the phone to set up the date.

2) Understand that women communicate very differently than men. When I’m talking in person, I tell stories that exercise their emotions. If I have 2 dates in the same Saturday, they both might get the same exact story. A good story will have women looking in your mouth wondering what you’re going to say next. Moral of the story is I don’t talk to woman the same way that I talk to men, unless I want to be in a platonic relationship with them.

Rehearse a few stories. (Ex: I had such an interesting dream last night. This woman walked in wearing __. She (fill in the blanks for a few short sentences with flattering things), then say “I’m starting to wonder if that dream was about you?” Or you can get very serious and say”before we go in, I have to warn you. I have to tell you something about me.” Stated as if it’s a bad thing. Then say something good about yourself like “over time I’ve noticed that I improve the lives of everyone who spends time with me. I can’t help but make them better.” Taking a woman on an emotional roller coaster with your words will have her coming back to hear more. Most conversations they have are boring and yours will be different.

Title	How do I get better at cold approaching/build more confidence?
Author	Antique-Tell-4938
Upvotes	42
Comments	43
Date	June 29, 2022 12:29 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vn28gg/how_do_i_get_better_at_cold_approachingbuild_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-get-better-at-cold-approachingbuild-more.1255762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255762

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