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[–][deleted] 4 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GhettoProhpet 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Don’t do this she gone think your maD corny if you want to compliment a girl compliment her on shit like her smile her shoes her shirt little things like that
[–]RexTheOnion 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
flirting is kinda corny, worrying about being corny will be the end of you lol.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]GhettoProhpet 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I see your point but it depends on the situation at hand texting her something like what’s your pretty self doing up at not may not work and may come of as you being thirsty I would say something like this could be pulled off better in person 🤷🏽♂️ Like if your in a convo and girl who isn’t from your town says yeah “I’m not from here I’m N/a” you could reply saying what’s a fine girl like you doing in a place like this but still women get complimented enough on their looks so I think it really wouldn’t matter 🤷🏽♂️
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Notice any changes she made recently..like oh did y just get a hair cut? Looks great on you..and try to be specific...like hey i really like your dress.. blue really is your color..... or .... and if you're trying to enter the kinda more intimate phase...I think the word butt is the best place to start... butt as compared to ass is a much more playful and not so sexual and still sexual word... and it can make it fun if instead of being awkward.... Also another thing I've learned...is if you are about to say anything bold (especially in text) give her an "out question " if she doesn't want to answer your question...eg... text 1. Hey i really liked the way you looked tonight...pretty stunning. Text 2. btw did u finish that assignment.... ...this is an example ofc.. try better lines.haha just giving a point
[+]Dyin2Liv -11 points-10 points-9 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
See fellas here we have reason #417, 218 why we don’t take dating advice from women
[–]TheGravotz 39 points40 points41 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I used to have more "nice guy" tendencies. One problem I had was not being upfront about my romantic interest. I think some nice guys view that as being somewhat beneath them and that guys that are direct are players. It's a bit dishonest. It's human nature to want to be with someone, that's nothing to be ashamed about. No need to hide it.
Part of it may have been my wanting to be under the radar to show how great of a guy I was over time. Once she saw that she would show her romantic interest in me, or so the plan was. That never panned out.
[–]el_colimofla 17 points18 points19 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True, relationships are built on actions, if you don't show romantic interest and act as a friend, you will build a friendship
[–]christopherttacy 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
BROOO this is exactly what I would do. Like I have this weird way of playing the "long game" when really overtime she is thinking im trying to set a friendship to be friends only when really I was tryna show her I'm not a weird creep so that she would have sex with me.
[–]MathematicianSuper58 35 points36 points37 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Let them know from the jump your intentions
[–]christopherttacy 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
how do you do this without being creepy??
[–]MathematicianSuper58 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you want to be friendly your probably gonna end up in the friend zone but if you come of passive aggressive or just plain aggressive about a relationship your most likely gonna get her to think about you
[–]Unitedtendies 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
True. It’s best to let her know you are looking for something casual.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (7 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]pitchandeey 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
But why would she be passive aggressive about OP saying there's other women out there to approach?
[–]redrays1 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
People who understood what I meant have already upvoted, so don't bother.
[–]wallynext 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
and what do you do? or it's just a oneway game?
this is all good advice, but... what most guys forget: Its a fucking 2 way street, BOTH people must put in the effort, I loose interest in any women who doesn't pull her weight, who doesn't know how to flirt and who thinks it's the man's job to do everything right
[–]N0_name837267 points 4 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
Chill, I’m just giving advice to men from a woman’s perspective which has worked on me and my girl friends.
Don’t worry about me doing my part, I haven’t had any problems with it. Feminine energy and tasteful flirting is definitely something girls should master too.
However, I’m not going to plan dates or pay for dinners, but that’s only because of the types of men I’m attracted to - they just insist on doing those things.
[–]wallynext 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
However, I’m not going to plan dates or pay for dinners, but that’s only because of the types of men I’m attracted to - they just insist on doing those things. lol
[–]N0_name837261 points 4 years ago* [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
I knew you were gonna pick up on that. There are already men doing that for me so of course I won’t go for less (-:
[–]wallynext 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
and that's how you end up in a fucked up relationship, guys
[–]Accooler99 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted, if the woman I’m seeing doesn’t offer to pay for the second date I’m done. What the hell is the women even offering? It’s 2021, women have jobs and can offer to pay
But then again everybody has their preference
[–]N0_name837264 points 4 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Y’all do realize that these standards women have wouldn’t even exist if some guys wouldn’t agree to them? It’s y’all men who are making it easy for us.
[–]SolarTortality 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Men are biologically predispositioned to be providers. Most men with resources want to do things like that for their woman. Men without resources can’t afford to unfortunately.
But it’s not a fair playing field b/n men and women but it’s also not supposed to be.
[–]Accooler99 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No I understand, that’s your preference. I mean you can still offer to pay. Or else to me that means you’re here for free food and that’s what it means
[–]SolarTortality 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah men should pay for dates lol at least that’s how I feel as a man
[–]MeTarzanAaaaahhh 27 points28 points29 points 4 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
Be yourself. If it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be
[–]SolarTortality 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bad advice. Don’t just be yourself. Be the best version of your self that you can be.
[–]PaperCloud10 34 points35 points36 points 4 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
Most cliche advice ever
[–]nalinpuri 33 points34 points35 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
But it is true. If you fake it, your real self will come to that person in 1 or 2 months.
[–]LucianU 43 points44 points45 points 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
The thing is that insecure, low self-esteem, needy self isn't your real self either. It's more like a child version of you that didn't receive enough love and considers itself unworthy and unlovable.
With therapy, you can help it realize that, as an adult, you have more agency and you're not so dependent on other people the way you are as a child.
[–]N0_name837265 points 4 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank you! So true.
[–]LucianU 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're welcome!
[–]Fearless-Physics 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Define what "your real self" is first. Weren't you shaped by all the events in your life that made you the person you are? Isn't that therefore your real self?
If anything, you could put it like this and say that "you are not your real self, because you were hindered in growth, but you can become more like what you would have turned out to be by following these steps..." etc.
But that's... honestly, kinda silly. Anything that requires you to change your behaviour isn't being yourself". And if you were to shift your behaviour and follow these steps now until you completely change (which would require A LOT of consistent time, neverending upkeep and work and is never guaranteed to work and stay that way), you still would have to be someone else than yourself, until you change.
[–]LucianU 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I get where you're coming from.
There is a therapeutic method called Internal Family System. It says we have something called Self. This Self is open to experience. However, certain adverse experiences create parts of the mind that are afraid, angry, or ashamed for example. Then, every time that situation repeats itself, that part springs into action and drives our behavior.
These are usually child parts, because the adverse experiences happened in childhood. When that child part gets triggered, you act and feel like a child, usually a frightened one.
There is a book called The Body Keeps the Score that talks about these things in more detail.
[–]nalinpuri -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Idk about that,but to each his own man
[–]LucianU 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I didn't make this up. Look up attachment theory and schema therapy. They talk about this in more detail and also give you methods to work with.
[–]nalinpuri 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
But i am takling about people who talk less or people think of them as the quiet one. Those one i am telling to be yourself. Some people just don't have things to talk about
[–]N0_name837261 points 4 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
some people just don’t want have things to talk about
then you’re boring. Go grab a book, watch movies, check out the news regularly.
[–]nalinpuri 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It is better for me to be boring than faking it for other people's approval
[–]mainag13 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is very true
[–]Truxxis -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is for people that don't really understand what it means. I'm "adorkable" according to my GF. I'm naturally awkward and goofy but I'm confident now in that awkward and goofiness. The having to be constantly on point, suave, charming, etc. isn't me even after trying for years to be "that guy". Shits work...and not really worth it. Being "myself" found me women that are attracted to that kind of personality and I picked from those women someone I wanted to keep seeing. It's made it easy which is the kind of relationship I want 😁
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In that case what’s your pretty self up to tonight
[–]Antiquorum 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link
Here's my perspective on these points as a dude:
Fake confidence works when you're going out and need to work up the courage to talk to somebody, but confidence can't be faked convincingly forever. It's best to work on yourself until you're actually confident and feel like you have interesting things happening in your life that you can share with someone else.
"Proving your worth" by immediately overdoing it with compliments makes it obvious to anyone that you don't feel adequate.
Lowkey flirting is nice because it creates a natural progression of the relationship. Both parties have input and it's a nice way to gauge mutual interest without putting your neck on the chopping block.
Only tease women you're friends with, otherwise it's cringe as fuck. Trying to start a relationship with someone you don't know reeks of desperation and doesn't give you time to see whether she's a crazy bitch or not.
A gentleman is assertive, assumes positivity by default and thinks about her well-being from a place of care. He doesn't let himself get walked on or abused because he has other options to share the fun times with. He is consistent and knows what he wants.
Hope this helps.
[–]TrainingNail 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Confidence can totally be faked. You can’t fake it 24 hours a day, but you can fake it 7 days a week of that makes sense. I would say fake it AND work on yourself until you make it. But faking it is actually great.
[–]LucianU 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Not everybody can fake it. Some men have self-esteem low enough that their neediness comes off in every interaction. Or it comes off at the important part: when they ask her on a date or when they want to escalate.
[–]TrainingNail 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Of course!! But habit is a powerful thing. If you can pretend a little bit, it already helps you. This is of course excluding depression and other issues that are bigger than any of this.
[–]BagelMatt 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's kinda like how forcing a smile can actually make you feel happier
[–]TrainingNail 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes!!!
[–]LucianU 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I agree that you can override these negative patterns with things like self-talk, visualisations, etc. Of course, the stronger the patterns, the longer and more consistently you have to use these positive reinforcement mechanisms.
At the same time, positive self-talk can simply be a way to ignore reality, so there is some nuance to how you use it.
[–]TrainingNail 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Self talk is a thing, but I’m really talking about actually “acting”. Pretending you’re someone who is confident, like you’re in a play only you can watch. It sounds crazy, but it has helped me come off as confident and attractive when inside I was feeling like a dumbass. After a while it just becomes what you do, and it’s not pretending anymore.
But all that being said, I am in no way saying this is super easy or that everyone is able to dissociate enough to actually do it. I just personally find it easier than building h to e real thing on top of nothing.
[–]LucianU 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think there is a key point in your success. You act confident and you interact with people and they respond in a positive way, right? This is what is turning that fake confidence into real one, because your mind discovers that some of the assumptions it made were wrong.
Not saying this to detract from your point. Just trying to find an explanation.
In any case, I think it's great that you found a method that works for you and thanks for clarifying. Now I understand where you're coming from.
Yes, absolutely! I think what you said actually further explains what I was trying to explain.
[–]Antiquorum 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Reread what I said, I'm not saying it can't. Of course you need a little fake bravado when you go out and shit. The problem is when you center your personality around confidence you don't possess yet. It shows up as ego and fragility. I'm saying there's a way to get real confidence with hobbies/lifestyle and it worked for me.
[–]TrainingNail 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes yes, I’m not making a point against you, necessarily, just wanted to expand it on something that a lot of people can just brush off as “ah that’s not a thing”.
[–]Antiquorum 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gotcha. Yeah it definitely is a thing
[–]Humblepie125 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
"don't shower her with compliments...just shower" - was what I took from this lol
[–]Shakespeare-Bot 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"don't shower that lady with compliments. just shower" - wast what i tooketh from this lol
I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.
Commands: !ShakespeareInsult, !fordo, !optout
!ShakespeareInsult
!fordo
!optout
[–]Maxim-Kotor 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This bot doesn’t even work right.
[–]Humblepie125 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
indeed. We can all add -eth to the end of a word and call ourselves Shakespeare 🙄
[–]INeededAThrowawayCuz -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Fellas, at some point you’re realize your worth and stop giving af about what people (including women) think of you. Focus on yourself and the push will come.
(I didn’t read the advice here after #2 but I’m sure it was good)
((Idk why it bolded and enlarged my text. I’m on mobile and don’t know how to fix that))
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No they aren’t. Confident people don’t give women too much attention
[–]INeededAThrowawayCuz 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you!
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You started the sentence with a #
[+]quietsam -13 points-12 points-11 points 4 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link
When you want it learn how to catch a fish, ask a fisherman, not a fish.
[–]Rude-Kaleidoscope-58 47 points48 points49 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Totally dumb answer, and also overused in this sub. I'm pretty sure you only read that she was a women in the OP. Even the analogy is shitty, a fish and a fisherman are not from the same species...
[–]Santa1936 18 points19 points20 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even the analogy is shitty, a fish and a fisherman are not from the same species...
Lmao shit! I never realized that!
[+]quietsam -10 points-9 points-8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I hear you. And I think she makes some solid points, I just want to make sure guys don’t think it’s gospel.
[–]maplemario 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Tbh it’s actually good advice though.
[+]quietsam -7 points-6 points-5 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s why I said she makes some solid points.
[–]TrainingNail 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Damn that a stupid thing to say. Sure sir but I hope you don’t get into a marriage and spend 10 years having an awful life together because you didn’t learn how to communicate because “men know women better” yes yes yes
[–]quietsam 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
It changes once you have a SO, because you’re past the attraction phase and then need to learn about their wants and needs as a long-term partner. At this point, it makes sense to understand their particular wants and needs. You can’t ask a woman you meet how they want to be picked up, you have to draw from personal experience or second-hand knowledge.
[–]TrainingNail 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
And that second hand knowledge can’t be a woman’s? What you’re saying makes NO sense. If you wanna ask a woman how she wants to be picked up but you can’t ask the specific woman, ask other women. That’s your own argument right there.
[–]quietsam -2 points-1 points0 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
It can be, but that’s one woman’s perspective. Women are not monolithic in their thinking.
[–]TrainingNail 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
That’s true! Neither are men. Why would you say “ask the fishermen” then?
[–]quietsam -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Because a single fisherman has many firsthand experiences with various women, whereas a woman (assuming she’s straight) only has experiences with herself. The metaphor is pretty easy to understand, if you’re not getting it at this point, we should probably end the conversation.
[–]TrainingNail 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You assume women don’t have friend and/or don’t talk to each other or go on the internet to places like this very sub and read other women’s experiences, wants and needs.
[–]quietsam -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Keyword: firsthand
[–]TrainingNail 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
It doesn’t matter though
Edit: look! You’re this guy!
[–]bandsupjay 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everything she said is facts dawg. That shit only applies if you know the bitch is lying
[–]dwiggs81 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Let's really look at this analogy a little deeper, shall we?
All in all, I feel this analogy fails on many points. Please, find a large box where you can put this and any other "clever" sayings you might have into, securely lock it, and throw it into the deepest oceanic trench you can find.
This is fantastic advice OP. Thank you.
[–]quietsam 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]dwiggs81 -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Which is why I added the part about asking the fish about its friends, and what they would want in bait. Thereby quickly gaining lots of knowledge in a short time, which can then be indexed and collated into finding a nice middle ground which can then be used in spreading a wider net. But I suppose it would fail in giving one a sense of superiority over other, less experienced fishermen. So there's that.
[–]quietsam 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I appreciate you breaking down the expression in an enjoyable way, but it’s just that, an expression. And its use is to remind men that just because one women complimented you on X, doesn’t mean X will work on all women. That sort of thing.
While I do generally agree with that advice this girl clearly knows what she’s talking about, that advice would apply to the bitches on r/askwomen who only lie and complain about literally everything a man does
There is always something to learn from a woman’s perspective but you and I both know that the consistency with how out of touch women are with how their emotions work when it comes to attraction, means you have to read inbetween the lines and use inductive reasoning with what you already know.
[–]Butt-tongue 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or you can just be confident, self assured and a Rock N Roll artist, just like a Tommy Lee persona... if you know what I mean. 😅
[–]meAADIL -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Women in early 20s...😂
[–]N0_name837269 points 4 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
What about it? I’ve dated men in their 20s, 30s and 40s.
[–]I-DrinkYourM1lkshake -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm gonna print this and glue it on my bedroom's door. This is shaping up to be a pretty damn good year.
[–]Gnostromo 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So that's two of y'all
[–]ShiroSagisu -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
``Women are biologically attracted to masculine energy emitting men. Be confident, and if you’re not, fake it. I’m talking about these things: posture, the way you talk, open body language, standing still, taking up space (conveys subconsciously that you’re important) etc.``
We think of attractive people automatically as conifdent.
``Plan the date, be chill, try to get to know her, ask her questions - she’s just one girl of the many ones you can approach! 😉``
me doing all of this and still not getting any (:
[–]N0_name837263 points 4 years ago* [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
we think of attractive people automatically as confident
Wrong. I’ve met many attractive guys, but when I went on dates with them, my attraction towards them dropped. They didn’t have any confidence which is sad.
Also, remember that often confident people look automatically more attractive, even if they aren’t a total 10/10
[–]DesperateForDD 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Is that malicious when you say "sad" or is it a sympathetic "sad"
As in "it's unfortunate your upbringing & life experience didn't shape you into a confident man"
[–]N0_name837262 points 4 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
Of course it’s sympathetic? A guy who has the looks may not score the best he could just because he’s self conscious about something. In my eyes he was very handsome but after talking with him.. :( Nope
[–]DesperateForDD 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That's too bad. I think it's much easier for a girl to become attractive by hitting the gym than for a guy to become attractive by figuring out how to be confident
It's not a reason for inaction but just a harsh reality lol
[–]el_colimofla 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's actually easier for a guy to get in shape, I get your point, but respectable men would still feel less attracted to a hot girl if she's a shitty person or boring. It may be easier for girls but that's only bc of thirsty men
[–]ShiroSagisu 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My friend suffers from social anxiety and is an introvert even without it. Still slays
[–]N0_name837262 points 4 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Being an introvert has nothing to do with it. I’ve met many guys who told me later they were super nervous and introverted, but they knew how to handle it. The guy I met, surely didn’t.
[–]ShiroSagisu -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love how you read 1/2 things i said slectively.
[–]aerial_coitus -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
its malicious.
[–]ShiroSagisu 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Except halo effect exists. Any positive trait you can think of you project it on a hot tall guy.
[+]BlueCollarSinner -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I aint gonna be her Neanderthal
[–]betahearts 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
OP didn’t say not to flirt - they said to tone down the over the top compliments in the beginning (it IS a turn off).
[–]Dakessian -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Good, I’m doing it right.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[M] 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
5 day temporary ban for breaking Rule 5.
[–]jayp2000 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Remind me! 2 days
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
1# Improve yourself till u make it. Don't fake it, just work on yourself
2# Don't try to prove yourself to anyone, but don't be useless
3# Flirt however u want, some girls like it lowkey, some are straight to the point, some can't flirt for shit. Flirt how you like to and best suits your style
4# It's good to tease but some girls don't enjoy it at all, know your audience
5# Be a gentleman as long as she deserves it, if not, move on
[–]cheebnrun 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Doesn't the "make it" in "fake it til you make it," already imply that one is improving? The saying doesn't need to be reworked.
[–]Umbran_scale 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Not really, faking it doesn't improve anything, you're putting on a facade for the sake of something that wouldn't really require it, you're lying to the people around you and you're lying to yourself.
and god help you if you're put into a situation where you actually need genuine confidence, that facade's gonna break like nobody's business and you'll be wishing you never faked it in the first place.
[–]YoungCapoon 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yeah exactly there's been times when i faked my confidence only to fold heavy when talking to the same girl the next time we saw each other. You can try it but then you end up folding, im tryna work on myself so i get that built in confidence and i don't have to fake shit.
[–]Puzzleheaded_List01 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I guess I've done all opposite of what you've mentioned here so what you think is there any comeback from after sinking so low... I've appreciate her beyond measure and things are like on formal basis now.. so is there a way out now??
[–]N0_name837261 points 4 years ago [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
What have you actually done wrong?
[–]Puzzleheaded_List01 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Extremely Sorry for such a late reply and thank you for the post and reply.
I've alreqdy praised her beyond certain limits and now she finds it boring and replies for the sake of formality that's what I feel.
I am the one who Always keeps conversation alive, I mean I try but she is master of killing it.. she never asks me anything about myself and it's really frustrating and she tells me really vague things in a sentence or so, nothing more than that.. it was never like this for first month or so, she used to speak alott.
I don't know why but we used to lil bit of flirt and sexting but now it's everything formal.. nothing spicy going on.
I told her that I am not looking for just smash her but looking for some really romantic relation or wants to give it a try and then after drastically everything changed... we use to discuss our secrets but it's all stopped now suddenly.. I even ask her is there someone in her life or what and the ans is no one is there. It's really frustrating when there is no definitive yes or no for anything. I've even asked her that she is bored with me or what and she says no it's not like that I'm just busy got to go... what the fk is happening I don't know.
Now, she is in another city and I can not even meet her and texting is not my forte. I type too much and it's really frustrating to me myself but that's why because I think the reader must not get me confused with something wrong so, I try to make myself more clearer my typing elaborate messages but it takes away the fun out of the conversation I guess and now that am doing this from so long that I can not articulate myself inshort and precise words. Things are not the way it could have been I guess.
[–]el_colimofla 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If YOU are not enjoying the conversation with her think about why you want her so badly. I used to talk with a girl this summer, everything was going well and suddenly changed, similar to your situation. I thought about her a lot and felt that maybe I screwed up, after some time I realized that I didn't really enjoy talking to her anymore bc of the shift in the conversation, I would get an answer and didn't even want to reply, I learned that it was more about my ego, my "capacity of seduction" or whatever, I still find her pretty but that's not enough of a reason to put myself through that, I have better things to do with my time. Try to differentiate between attraction and your ego
[–]Puzzleheaded_List01 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes I feel that, yes it feels more about my ego like you said capacity of seduction.. and yes like you I find this girl still pretty and lovely to be with thinking about that time together.. I rarely get attracted to someone like this and that's why It's really hard to let go of this one I guess... it really feel like I'm not that of great communicator or entetertainer and I'm trying really hard to be the one who I am not naturally. But it dears me that I'll never find someone like her again, the way we were in starting phase.. things happening without having any logic is killing me more importantly but as you point out there are many better things to do with life and I need to understand that asap... last week I did not been in touch with her and out of the blue she messaged me and started conversation and again the things are happening same way it was before.. so I seriously don't understand this person anymore what she wants and it feels really rude to me to ghost someone or ask to stop talking all together..
[–]el_colimofla 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah same thing happened to me, she ghosted me for a few months and texted me back again out of the blue when I lost interest, I regained interested because SHE was showing interest, then she did the same thing but this time I learned. Women, as all humans, can change their mind, can feel attracted, stop feeling attracted, the important thing is to be respectful of how other people may feel. I find it useful to put myself in the same position, have you never texted someone bc you were horny or lonely and when you get the reply you're like "naah" you can't really know how much harm you may be doing by that, but the action is really simple and normal. I also think is rude to ghost, but it's also weird to end things that haven't actually started. The second thing I learned is that I was way too easy for girls, I lost interest, but as soon as she started texting me the same way as before I felt attracted again. There're some questions I asked myself during this period that may be helpful
What do I like about her?
Do I like HER or do I like the way she treats me?
Is she nice and someone I can be open to or am I feeling lonely and need to talk about things and there happens to be a nice girl texting me?
How much do I know her and how much am I making up about her? (This one is very important, we tend to idealize people based on what we want, hoping that they fit)
[–]Puzzleheaded_List01 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's Absolutely True... even I feel like am seeking some kind of validation from her that she's being like this with me and other girls not, it makes sense now that how much exactly am making about her exactly... she walk the talk.. never pretends to be anything and very upfront for the things which generally you don't find in many girls and that's what attract me in first place.. but not giving any definitive answer to my questions is really opposite to what her nature is.. just say it that I am not interested in these things anymore and we can move on.. but nope she don't say that and behaves like this weirdly.. now this was not even a virtual relationship where I don't know how that person actually is, this was like meeting and then texting each other and now to this Absolutely useless situation we are.. I'm 100% sure that if I'll ask her that shall we end this she'll say it's not like this and I'm all good. But that does not makes any sense as your actions don't support that and then she'll go to what she is doing from last 2 months 🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️ seriously I'm not getting anything straight here out of her
[–]N0_name837263 points 4 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
There are lots of points I want to make so I’ll just break them down in parts.
Don’t praise her beyond limits. It’s human nature for us girls also to want a challenge, a man who isn’t in love with you the second he meets you. Cause that screams “I don’t have other options and will take anything”. She will see you as a pet rather than a potential partner. Use the guide on compliments I wrote in the post, and don’t compliment too often.
If she doesn’t keep the conversation alive, end it. She should always somehow continue it.
A girl who is interested will ask you questions back or somehow talk about something. If she doesn’t, don’t act desperate and don’t continue the conversation.
She used to speak a lot
She got bored, there’s no “spark” or “challenge” left for her if you’ve praised her to the skies, desperately continued the conversation and immediately shown her your intentions.
Believe it or not but straight up telling her “I want a romantic relation with you let’s give it a try” may scare her off. Show her by your words and actions that you care romantically about her. Girls know that high value men keep that information to themselves because they want to study what kinda girl she is and does SHE fit HIS criteria.
I always keep up the conversation with a guy I’m interested in. Don’t be available 24/7, make her wonder a bit.
I type too much
Less is more. Not every message has to be an exchange about your future career plans or something formal. It can be just playful flirting, throwing out ideas and asking her about stuff.
[–]Puzzleheaded_List01 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not every message has to be an exchange about your future career plans or something formal. It can be just playful flirting, throwing out ideas and asking her about stuff.
Did exactly like that.. and yet the responses are not extending more than 1-2 msgs.. I've said the whole situation in the other two msgs in this same thread, if you could please look into it and tell me what else can be done it will be helpful.. as it is I'm feeling she is acting so weird and I'm loosing my intrest in it... it's just that I don't want to be rude with her unnecessarily and ghost her due to misunderstanding so I'm asking this too much... well I can not ghost or ask like this to anyone if it's wrong it might hurt so just being careful. Thanx for the reply, appreciate very very much
[–]Itype2readU 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ok so I do all of this wrong. Why am I a nice guy? It comes naturally to me.
I also wonder the beautiful line. I do that a lot. I find her beautiful so I tell her. I don't understand why it conveys that I try to prove my worth, can someone explain?
I also generally do not understand what I say sound like and what kind of person would say what I say. I don't get it.
Isn't the game all about value? That's what it seems when I look around for who please me.
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