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recyclablebanthas · 2021-07-19T05:22:57+00:00

1

I have a good career, I think I’m fairly well liked at work, and make decent money. That’s one of the only good things about my life right now.

First off, you have to cut yourself a little slack. Our culture is not great at transmitting certain things like how to date and socialize. A lot of us are basically having to put it all together for ourselves from scratch.

I have even been considering moving back home with my mom, just so I won’t be so lonely. Lol

When we attend compulsory schooling and college, we don't realize how our social lives are essentially created for us without us needing to do a thing. We spent hours a day surrounded by a variety of people.

And we get out of school, we mistakenly think that age is the reason why we aren't socializing the same way as before.

The thing is, it's possible to recreate a similar social lives as we had before. We just have to put in a smidge of work to look. It's much easier these days with social media.

Social partner dance communities, like Lindy Hop, Argentine Tango, West Coast swing, etc.
There's a bevy of social media groups on a variety of platforms like Facebook. You can do a Facebook search for groups organized around all matter of different interests. These groups will often post public events that anyone can attend.

Examples of groups you could check:

Couchsurfing: A bit of a misnomer. This group is basically for travelers or anyone who likes to hang out with travelers.
Hash House Harriers: basically trail running / hiking + hide and seek + optional booze.
The aforementioned social dance communities: doubles as a great way to develop social skills like calibration/escalation. It's possible to meet people from all around the world under normal circumstances. But you do have to take the activity seriously in its own right and not just be there ignoring the activity to chat with girls.

2

I’ve been going out every couple of weeks to try to socialize a little bit, but nothing has really happened yet.

Again, cut yourself some slack. A lot of people live their whole lives without realizing some of the unattended positive effects of compulsory schooling.

Trying to make it all up as you go without any help is not easy.

3

The thread got a little out of hand when it came to the amount of people who honed in on your fitness level.

Of course it's important to be healthy for your own happiness. But the focus of this subreddit is not fitness. There are other subreddits for that.

Plus, there are plenty of guys who get swole as hell and still have problems getting laid.

This is a subreddit more about social skills and if you go to the gym and get as fit as you want it will not directly help you with your social skills.

MementoMortem777 · 2021-07-17T22:29:39+00:00

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2021-07-17T20:56:58+00:00

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tiddiesandnunchucks · 2021-07-18T00:26:47+00:00

May I suggest some volunteer work, animal shelters, and maybe some salsa dancing classes. Be the best version of yourself and the hoes and good women will come. You just realized that you are alone, it’s not bad news. You’ve just realized a catalyst for transformation. Use it wisely. Good luck and suck on a tittie or two for us when you succeed. 👍

whiplash81 · 2021-07-17T22:06:41+00:00

Therapy. No really.

You can't expect a woman or other people to make you happy. You have to find it in yourself. A trained professional can get you there.

NoUseForAName2222 · 2021-07-17T23:33:33+00:00

Sounds like you need some friends more than a date. Find stuff that you enjoy doing and find like minded people to do it

PurpleLightningart · 2021-07-18T00:55:28+00:00

I’m 6’1, 185 pounds. Truth is you should focus on yourself and work out more, you’re too big and that’s not attractive. Maybe focus more on losing a good 75 to 100 pounds, and you’ll probably see an increase in your social and dating life. You should look into a bjj or boxing gym. I go to a boxing gym, and martial arts are a great way to lose weight, gain confidence and meet others. It honestly won’t take that long for you to get to 210 -215, maybe 6 months to a year with decent discipline

Kleisthenes2 · 2021-07-18T00:53:05+00:00

I find I can sometimes get down on myself in ways that aren't really reflecting reality. I've found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy a good way of restoring some balance to my perspective on things. Here are some useful tools from CBT: https://www.psychologytools.com/articles/unhelpful-thinking-styles-cognitive-distortions-in-cbt/

Loneliness is a real problem and some of the other commentators have given some good advice on how to help mitigate it. In the meantime, I'd say try not to automatically believe some of the more downer things your thoughts might be telling you about yourself or your life.

2021-07-17T21:13:30+00:00

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Short_Hunt_3667 · 2021-07-17T22:12:04+00:00

No fast food as well. Just changing those two things. Youd be surprised how fast you drop weight when your body isint being stuffed with garbage. I weighed more than you so with me losing 40 lbs so far, you really can't tell I've lost it. I'm not quitting tho. You shouldn't either.

GroundbreakingBus138 · 2021-07-17T22:38:29+00:00

I know how you feel.do u have a gym u can go work out at?I find that can be a cool place to hang out.

No1isMygod · 2021-07-18T00:18:06+00:00

Therapy
Join a class or club preferably a male dominated subject matter to get some male friends, I was in the same boat a few years back, started training jiu jitsu and hanging out with the guys from class. Even if it takes awhile to make plans with people outside of the class the fact that you go to the class a few times a week will allow you to socialize and practice those social skills.

gino_rai · 2021-07-17T22:58:12+00:00

Join a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu schook. Fun as hell and you'll meet and bunch of friendly guys that you'll end up being bros with. Carry on from there.

pinkelephants777 · 2021-07-18T01:32:39+00:00

I’m sorry you’re feeling so lonely right now, the past year and a half has been really hard for many people. I would suggest getting involved in a hobby where you have the opportunity to make new friends, such as a cooking class, poetry club, joining a band, laser tag, anything you’re interested in! It may take some time to make new friends, but keep at it and you’ll meet some cool people who have similar interests as you, and maybe even someone you could end up dating.

I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but the rest of your life won’t be this lonely. You’re still young and have a lot of things going for you. Best of luck in your endeavors!

Narcan9 · 2021-07-17T23:57:08+00:00

CrossFit. Get down to 200lbs. Those gyms are like a cult. You'll make friends if you become a regular.

When you get down to a more reasonable size, I would get into rec volleyball, or Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

For now, a hiking group or social dining group could be a good option. Since you might be a nerdy gamer type, see if there are any board game groups nearby.

2021-07-18T04:23:14+00:00

Loneliness is really hard man. I know that it won’t be solved by the internet; but you should know that there’s millions of dudes out there who would kill to be as tall as you. You’ve already got that going for you, which should make meeting people slightly easier. Certainly helped me when I tried to snap out of my lonely phase. Hold your head high my friend, there are better days ahead

maplemario · 2021-07-17T22:45:29+00:00

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ahundredplus · 2021-07-18T01:45:07+00:00

Being passionate or interested in things will draw people to you. Being curious and asking questions in an excited way draws people to you. Talking about your passions (in a non-annoying, elitist way) with authenticity draws people to you.

Learn to dress without overdressing. Find people who have similar builds to you and study what clothes look good on them (if they dress well). I suggest get a few “base” clothes in neutral colors/shades (greys, blacks, whites). Uniqlo is an affordable place to get these base neutrals (t-shirts, long sleeve, pants, casual pants). Learn to accessorize with a few nice clothes such as a jacket, sweater, shoes, socks.

Your interests and passions will mean you have exciting things to talk about. Being curious and interested means you are good at getting other people to talk. Dressing well means you exhibit confidence and taste.

Don’t hesitate to go on tinder dates but set the expectation low. This is a random stranger and don’t feel down or bad if they’re not interested in another date. That’s totally okay. But the more confident you are with your voice and look the more people will be confident to spend time with you.

Oh, and white lies and hyperbole are okay. If you don’t have many friends, tell people you’re new to the city. It gives a justification for your lack of a social life than your social anxiety which might make people apprehensive.

The most important though is to share your passions. It’s amazing how people change their attitudes to you when you’re so interested in things.

2021-07-18T06:12:43+00:00

Listen bro, it's not easy, but I can tell you a simple thing, girls vibrate at nearly your energy level, so if your energy is low, any girl you come in contact with will run away, either right then or later. First of all, improve your energy, it means find things you love, be disciplined, focused and forget about girls, first spend 6 months to a year on improving yourself then when you will go out you will have charm which will instantly pull girls towards you. Again it all depends on what energy you are vibrating on. Love yourself and others will love you. And you can't love yourself if you don't listen to your soul. So when your soul says hey, that thing seems interesting, instead of waiting and thinking just to it.

2021-07-18T06:30:53+00:00

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hp44x · 2021-07-18T07:48:30+00:00

OP I’m you but a little older. I don’t know what to do. I also have no social skills so can’t even make a conversation last on apps like bumble

Ok_Code4546 · 2021-07-18T09:05:01+00:00

Yup. Another me too story here. Get fit. Get a hobby. What I recently realized is that women are attracted to men who have more in thier life than just a job. Fitness and a few passions that you can talk about and engage in can change the whole game for you.

mlhuculak · 2021-07-18T15:33:55+00:00

I’m a 31F and I feel the same way. Thanks for posting. Feels better knowing I’m not the only one.

Mog_Melm · 2021-07-18T15:52:38+00:00

I've been where you are right now. It's painful. The remedy is to have *meaningful* contact with people. Talk about things you find important. Be heard. Do the same for others. There may be some other issues complicating doing this such as a deeply ingrained belief that people in general genuinely don't want to hear what is important to you. Shop around for a therapist who is able to understand what's going on and come up with advice that works.

The others have reasonable tips about where to find other people and contexts for interaction with them (dance, volunteerism, etc.). Lowering your body fat... probably doesn't matter. It's worth doing for the practical and health benefits, but you aren't here posting about your family history of heart disease. You're posing about social isolation.

I hope you feel better!

2021-07-18T19:47:30+00:00

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CoinXante · 2021-07-18T20:20:10+00:00

An open question to your colleagues about after work drinks should be a good start, depending on their age they probably have friends that wants to join in, especially after your group thins. Thus giving you better odds at meeting new likeminded friends

2021-07-18T22:25:34+00:00

Start by reframing how you view it. You're a 31 year old who's in total control of his financial situation. You've got a stable & well paying career. Just that puts you ahead of lots of men, you've got no idea how many men out here are 30 and don't even have 6 months living expenses tucked away for a rainy day. In this area of life, you are crushing it, and you should respect yourself a lot for that.

Now in the route to this financial stability, you've lost a bit along the way. Dating life isn't ideal rn. What's great is that it's a pretty easy fix compared to career. Dating is as simple as volume x attractiveness.

Things you can do to increase your volume: get on every app (with professional photos of you taken and buy the premium version of the apps with helpful features since you can afford it), start cold approaching women as often as you can (move to a big city with lots of women if you have to).

Things you can do to increase attractiveness: lose weight & build muscles, learn how to communicate with women better (eye contact), be more confident, read up on and implement some fashion changes.

If you lose the body fat and have a muscular build, wear clothes that fit and look good on you, talk to women confidently and with good eye contact, and maximize the number of women you interact with both in person and online, do you think it'll be that hard to find a few who are in to you? Probably not, so you gotta get working hard on improvement and get in enough approach volume to weather the variance.

LolaBijou · 2021-07-17T22:10:33+00:00

Get off Reddit, join a gym, and get some hobbies that allow you to socialize with other humans. In person. Not video games.

2021-07-18T01:27:47+00:00

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TheSunshineMan · 2021-07-17T21:17:57+00:00

Go meet some friends.

FB Groups in your local city - Expat - Digital Nomad - whatever else you can find where people plan activities.

meetup.com - I don't care if it's kickball, a workout bootcamp, taco Tuesday, whatever - just go out there and do 2-3 things a week.

Exchange info - make friends - meet up again.

Appropriate_Ad3327 · 2021-07-18T08:36:51+00:00

Bruh. You 6ft man, getting a girl shouldnt be that much of a problem for you. Just be confident and say hi

KindeTrollinya · 2021-07-17T22:31:24+00:00

Is lockdown still in effect in your community? I’ve had great luck meeting people doing volunteer work or at public events that include little workshops or lectures. Or joining a hike or bike trip through REI or a local outdoor store.

FreeHats · 2021-07-18T06:50:15+00:00

Keep doing things that you enjoy on the regular and then push yourself to do something new on the weekend. Whether the something new is a new restaurant, bar, activity etc. Fortune favors the bold and being bold is a muscle that you need to build up

heckler5111 · 2021-07-17T21:30:00+00:00

Hang in there brother. Try new things. Challenge the boundaries of your comfort zone. Something good will happen for you

Kieldro · 2021-07-18T03:26:53+00:00

You need jiu jitsu

FaithInStrangers94 · 2021-07-18T01:22:21+00:00

Optimise your looks but also know that having a girl or friends won’t just be eternal sources of happiness either so try to keep some perspective - you can be really lonely in a relationship too

coop4695 · 2021-07-18T01:31:28+00:00

Maybe try something you have always been interested in but never done. A new hobby is great way to meet people.

soparklion · 2021-07-18T03:45:03+00:00

I was there once. Now I'm 44...

Uberslaughter · 2021-07-18T05:30:17+00:00

You’re in a negative feedback loop which becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Continue the socializing and strength training.

Start doing other things for fun even if it’s by yourself, never know who you’ll meet out there.

Find some hobbies or other ways to focus your free time and thoughts on.

Continue to improve yourself and put yourself out there, the girls will follow.

tired_demonhunter · 2021-07-18T06:48:39+00:00

Best advice i can tell is to say "yes" To opportunities to invites to new things Come out of your safe zone and start experimenting the world around you

Freakishlytalll · 2021-07-18T09:40:42+00:00

I’d recommend starting a sport, would be really good friends wise, maybe a combat sports like BJJ, something with a good community?

Or potentially do another sport as well with mixed genders in terms of meeting girls in a a pretty relaxed environment

ikeepon · 2021-07-18T14:55:31+00:00

I’ve realized most people are lonely. If you think about it, no one can really know you, only you can know yourself. Start there but at the same time, get out there and keep socializing. You’re doing the right thing by going out and don’t stop there. Put yourself in situations where it’s easy and even expected of you to socialize. Then everyone is there for the same reason and takes off any pressure you may feel. I like some of the above suggestions of dancing and volunteering. Meditating is cool too if it helps you to know yourself. You can only depend on yourself, ultimately. So be your best bud! When you begin being the best you everything else falls in place. Good luck, I’m rooting for you!

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	243
Comments	78
Date	July 17, 2021 8:51 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/omchsp/31_male_no_girlfriend_hardly_any_friends_lonely_af/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1280192 https://theredarchive.com/post/1280192

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