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[–]losesomeweight 46 points47 points48 points 13 years ago (43 children) | Copy Link
about nicknames, i feel weird sometimes calling girls flirty names - i feel sometimes they might be uncomfortable with it :o
[–]stephwilson 89 points90 points91 points 13 years ago (30 children) | Copy Link
I'm a chick, and as soon as a guy does any of the "put your arm around their shoulders or waist while saying something like "Darling, sugar-pie, honeybun..." stuff, I get really creeped out. I know a lot of girls who have expressed the same distate of that kind of move as well. No matter how attractive you are, more often than not, that will come off as skeevy and just.. yuck.
[–]beemeroo82 58 points59 points60 points 13 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Just my two cents: Instead of pet names, try something more teasy and less grimy. For instance, I met a girl in Manhattan who said she wasnt from around here and we joked about it. I called her "upstate" and she loved it. Not too say that was extremely suave on my part, but hey, it worked.
[–]stephwilson 34 points35 points36 points 13 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I think most women would prefer this over the semi-creepy pet names. It comes across as more light hearted and by having little jokes like that, it builds an instant rapport.
[–]Toby16custom 7 points8 points9 points 13 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I called this gal I was flirting with once Little Hollywood since she was going to school for acting and she ate it up. Had fun chatting her up.
minor Kino is cool but don't over due it.
The agree and amplify is the best technique and easiest to do additionally. Don't force ANYTHING just remember them and it will come naturally.
[–]Suite_up 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Could you elaborate as to what the agree and amplify are?
[–]shifty84 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
It basically means you agree with what she says, then amplify your agreement to a level which is obviously a joke / sarcasm. "Buy me a drink." "Sure thing! Would you like my ATM pin number too?!" It's a great conversation tool for everyday life, not just seduction
[–]Suite_up 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Also what happens after, because she obviously realises that you were being sarcastic and she's now no longer actually getting a drink.
[–]shifty84 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'd try to keep the banter going along the same lines as agree-and-amplify... In the "buy me a drink" example, she'll say something like "nope, just a drink!" or "haha! I'll have a cocktail." I'd probably reply with something like "nah, I don't buy girls' drinks anymore. I used to, til this chick I was seeing got absolutely hammered and pretty much tried to have sex with me on the dance floor. You aren't gonna turn into one of those, are you?!" She'll be like "haha, no!" then you can look disappointed and say " oh... And why not?! Come on, let's see how you dance while you're sober / let's go for a wander / let's go outside for some fresh air." Instead of "hah, no!" if you've played her well, she might even say something like "well, you never know!" at which point I would continue with the dance / wander / outside bit.
That's obviously only one example, but that's the kind of fun, sexual banter that's always good to keep going in those situations :)
[–]Toby16custom -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Exactly, i often use it when she tells a story and if I can relate I often agree and then tell my story and end with a question.
like: "you think your friend likes taco bell, there was a guy I went to school with who would see a commercial and instantly crave the place, what other restaurants do you enjoy?"
[–]DuXtin 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I honestrly thought "agree and amplify" was related to shit tests...
[–]shifty84 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You can use it for shit-tests too, it's a really versatile technique
[–]Just_Another_PUA 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That just makes you look like a one-upper.
[–]Toby16custom -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
or you can simply agree and tell a similar story
[–]Teqnique_757 7 points8 points9 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I met a girl from Long Island and i called her Longy. SHe didnt talk to me for long-y.
[–]ortofon88 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same here, met some girls at a club who were from my hometown. They lived on the southside and i was from the northside... i kept calling them southsiders. They dug it..
[–]sparklyteenvampire 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It completely depends on the frame and delivery, like OP said. I'd say it depends even more on the comfort level. Obviously you can't do that to someone you just met, but if you get her comfort level high and you've been flirting all night, you should be fine.
That said, what beemeroo82, ortofon88, and others are touching on is something much more powerful and less risky: a personalized, teasy nickname that plays on something you know about her. This is dynamite for several reasons, and it's worked for me in the field.
If she reciprocates by making a nickname for you, you're golden--so make sure she has something to work with. If you call her "City", make sure she knows you're from the country. My favorite was a girl from the south I called "Sunshine"; she knew I'm from the north, so I became "Snowflake".
[–]Brettoe 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Came for the reference, stayed for skeevy. Finally, someone else who uses it!
[–]TheGrubes 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe I'm off the mark here, but wouldn't you be more comfortable as someone on the receiving end of a pet name if the person initiating it were comfortable as well? The media does a great job of stigmatizing pet names, and as a result, many people may feel subconsciously uncomfortable using them. If an AFC comes up to you and creepily calls you "sweetheart", then of course it's not going to work. However, if someone who is confident and comfortable pulls this on a target, it seems like it has the potential to end much differently. After all, it should work in principle; it shows that they are confident, feel very comfortable, and seems like it's both a way to show a target that they are open to intimacy and an invitation for them to reciprocate.
[–]losesomeweight 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this is exactly how i feel they feel! every woman friend i know has one guy they find extremely off-putting because they come on too strong.. i don't really wanna be that guy
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Honey pun. Pickle pie. All of those are gooey relationship names. What about something simple like babe. Implies they are attractive, and does not imply dating or emotional attachment. Plus its not gooey
[–]peut-etre 12 points13 points14 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Girl here. I have to say that being called "babe" in any scenario is an insta-turnoff. It reeks of a dude who's trying too hard to be suave; like he wants to show you that he's already got it in the bag or something. Ugggh.
Could be that I'm just not a pet-names type of girl, but I don't mind them when they're being used to tease a little bit - ie when I've passed a dude something or got him a beer or whatever, him saying "Aww, thanks, sugarplum," in an overly sweet, obviously-taking-the-piss manner can be all right.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I used to hate any kind of pet names until this guy I was hooking up with started calling me "babe" and I liked it because I liked the attention and the intimate-but-not-attached atmosphere it creates.
[–]V4refugee 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thats something you would call an actual girlfriend it might be too forward.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You might be thinking a little too much there. Met a girl last week from a short business skills course I'm doing, called her babe in the first 10 minutes. It's reciprocated too. It's all about how you present yourself and the timing, how comfortable she is with you at that point. Like someone said above though, all girls are different, might be off limits for some and standard for others, just work on your calibration skills.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not really, it's kind of sexy because it's intimate without being too attached.
Maybe it's because I have a thing for NSA sex but it's sexy when a guy calls me babe and I get this tiny question mark in the back of my head like, "Is he calling me that because I'm a babe or because he forgot my name?"
Anyway saying a person's name while hooking up is a little much for me so I just talk dirty and shit.
[–]Adam_Warlock 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Someone else made a post stating that you should approach girls like they are already in a relationship with you. So long as you keep it light hearted, I think this would work fine.
[–]Adjal 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Babe!
[–]shifty84 13 points14 points15 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Maybe it's a cultural thing; I'm from Ireland (just outside Belfast) and everyone calls eachother "love" or "darlin'" or "chick", it's not seen as a big thing, especially if you do it in a jokey way. Mainland UK is even worse, they do it all the time! Beemero82's alternative is great though, thanks for sharing dude!
[–]peut-etre 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Definitely is a cultural thing - Canadian girl here, recently moved over to your side of the pond. I find it muuuuch less "ugh" from guys over here, simply because it's normal and not smarmy like it is back home.
[–]WezVC 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"Love" is a very easy one to pull off over here.
[–]floor-pi -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed, but there's a definite contextual difference between a market vendor calling you 'love' and a creeper guy who thinks he's in calling you the same. But i still think it's very non-awkward if you've established a connection, whether that connection takes three weeks or three minutes to build
[–]floor-pi 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Little tip I do for this: use the pet names along with slightly more negative (funny) expressions. As in, if she says something you disagree with say, use it then.
"Whatever darling"
It's automatically non-cheesy, fits in with cocky-funny, and then you can segue to using it in other contexts from there.
[–]floor-pi 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
'Expressions' of opinion I meant
[–]xxxblindxxx 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
exactly how i feel even though i hope to one day find a unique nickname for a SO. cuddle butts is my fav so far.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My gf has a freckle on her boob, and I always say "hai freckly nip" just make sure she knows its a joke and they love it
[–]Make3 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus Christ. Be a flirty, sexual normal fucking human being. Who does that, call girls weirdo names.
[–]NotSpartacus 54 points55 points56 points 13 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
"Don't believe everything you read- did you know there was a professor in the sixties who wrote a book about how women were incapable of sexual fantasies?! I know right?! Then this woman called Nancy Friday wrote a response called My Secret Garden- she interviewed hundreds of women about their fantasies and put them all in a book! A girl I dated read it, she told me her fantasy was...... and no, we never did end up doing that!"
That feels canned.
With any luck the girl should then start describing some fantasy of hers
And I don't think that's going to work unless she's already wanting to have sex with you. Hell, sometimes it's easier to get a girl to have sex than it is to get her to talk about her fantasies, unless it's really cliche stuff like "under the stars on a yacht".
I just don't see the value in using this line. You take on risk with very little to gain.
[–]sparklyteenvampire 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Delivery, delivery, delivery. A ton of the stuff in Strauss's and Mystery's and pretty much everybody's writing sounds canned, because it is--they're writing down something that's supposed to flow naturally as part of a conversation. I've always read them as giving a loose outline or talking point, not a script you're supposed to memorize word-for-word.
[–]shifty84 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It is gona feel canned, cos it is canned. But isn't a lot of what you talk about?! You hear something somewhere, revise it & pass it on... Obviously this isn't something to open with, but if you want to gauge her sexual openness then this will work a lot better than bringing up 50 Shades of Grey. If it doesn't work, and she doesn't tell you her fantasy, you can just move on, pick another hook, or go back to whatever you were talking about previously.
[–]idProQuo 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think the biggest problem I have with canned lines is that they're too long. People at parties and clubs don't talk in 4 sentence stories, they talk in short bites of conversation. Anything that involves you talking for more than ten seconds straight without input from her is going to seem out of place.
For this reason, I much prefer lines that do what they need to do in a single sentence.
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]JakalDX 19 points20 points21 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Dude, I like Neil Strauss as much as the next guy, but his stuff is ancient in this day and age. His stuff that emphasizes cultivating natural game is spot on, but most girls are smart enough to spot a canned phrase, and the ones who aren't, I don't think you really need it.
[–]shifty84 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I totally agree guys, his stuff is dated now, but with this example you can actually go & read My Secret Garden for yourself, & then it doesn't have to be a routine. Ask pickup_sticks, he's read it.
[–]floor-pi 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You're making a mistake if you think that all girls can't spot everything via smarts. They might ignore that they can spot it, or it might be subconscious, but you're never going to slip in behind their guard, nor would you want them to. So you might aswell use an old canned technique if its interesting and if you feel like it'll help
'Nor would you want to'*
someone having credibility doesn't make what he says right. Think about the doctors of old time; they spent their days in university and in hospitals, so they most likely had a lot of credibility. However, we now know that they did and talked complete shit, bleeding people to cure them, talking about humors and stuff.
Each man needs to doubt and test everything for himself.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
nice ad hominem there bro
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Obviously he typed it out to get the gist across. You don't have to repeat it word for word.
feels canned, but so strong. Don't say exactly that. Just using "apparently in the sixties men didn't think women had sexual fantasies" or something similar can get you in a pretty hot conversation with a girl without looking like you have too obvious of an agenda.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
/r/pua exists?
[–]Sploe 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
TIL.
Doesn't look very active.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It was banned like six months ago or something. Their language was really controversial and it offended a lot of people (way more than the flak seddit gets) and I think some mods were spamming people in seddit to get more subscribers.
I liked /r/pua when I paid attention to it because it doesn't coddle AFCs like seddit does but I didn't really read it much because I'm a girl and the techniques didn't really apply to me.
(My approach is basically get to know enough guys to narrow things down to the single ones who are my type and want to sleep with me. That doesn't take much more than a healthy lifestyle plus an attitude/wardrobe adjustment.)
Have you checked out /r/trueplayer? It seems to stem from the Ross Jeffries school of thought- lots of posts about hypnosis & NLP techniques...
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 13 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Another good essential tool to use is giving them light-hearted shit about something.
Example, I just got the number from a girl who was processing some paperwork for me and I was giving her shit about being slow and being new. Of course, she wasn't really doing anything bad, or I would just have been a douche. Keep it light.
Another one was a girl I caught wearing a Manchester United scarf (in the US). I know literally nothing about british soccer teams, but i pretended I was a liverpool fan and started giving her shit and got a date.
It can be anything, just take the opposite side and make it into a joking argument. The more ridiculous and stubborn you make your position the better.
[–]shifty84 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good shout man, really like that description -"just take the opposite side and make it into a joking argument."
[–]SandWraith 5 points6 points7 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the primer. I keep reading about the 'agree and amplify' thing-- I really have to start incorporating that.
Really glad this is of help guys :) Obviously there are other potent flirtation devices like teasing / negging, but as I said at the start, they're pretty subjective and will require good calibration and adaptability. Anything else you guys come up with, comment and let me know!
[–]cometparty 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some of this is pretty bad advice, or just applicable in certain specific scenarios. It's important that you don't come off looking like a douchebag or a creep. You just have to make yourself irresistible. The thought of doing you, in her mind, has to be overwhelming. This isn't hard. People are generally pretty flippant and spontaneous. But, unlike guys, they tend to feel like they can afford not to lay you, because getting laid is easy for them and the opportunity to get some is going to present itself again sometime soon. What you have to make them think is that it's worthwhile doing it with you, because you're passionate. Women want a passionate love-maker. That's what they get out of sex. So for women to "want some of that", you have to make her think it will be good.
[–]Aslakhol 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A variation on the pool party I just thought up (the idea of a lot of pools being around is very American and here in Norway where I am they're not terrible common.) "You should have seen the pool party I threw last summer. Just a bunch of naked people and no pool." And then If you want to sexualize(no idea how to spell this) it even more, you could follow with something like: "Then again, you could call that a orgy/different kind of party (depending on how sexual a phrase you want).
[–]fawnz-reddit 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When I met my fiancee I was just separating from my husband and he called me miss (and still does) not sure if it was his tactic or not being that I was still technically a Mrs's. But 2 years later and it's still my favorite petname ever given to me. So in this case it worked.
[–]WolfInTheField 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This was delivered at a good time. Thanks man. Good work. Surprisingly it's not even manipulative, as these guides tend to be sometimes (don't give me that 'we're-all-about-confidence-shtick, I know that, I've been here for ages, it's still a problem sometimes, especially with step-by-step guides). Ehm, anyway, awesome, upvote! :)
[–]lawstudent22 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
gangsta shit my nigga
[–]HVincentM 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Is this an ironic comment?
[–]gabriot 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Could you elaborate on Favours?
edit: nm I'll just take a look at this yes ladder thing
Found a similar post on Forbes- http://www.forbes.com/sites/sap/2011/11/16/do-me-a-favor-so-youll-like-me-the-reverse-psychology-of-likeability/
There was actually a post on here about it not that long ago, I'll try & find it for you.
[–]idiotopes 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ew. Pet names? And I can see the touching thing getting a bit weird. Don't push it on first contact, unless you're at a club where you know most people are DTF.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Don't ever call me a pet name when you don't know me. I am not your hun, sweetie, or darling, and you are down-talking to me. I have a name, ask me about it.
The rest of it seems good! As long as it sounds natural.
[–]HVincentM 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This rake is being a bitch.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If I've never met you and you call me some dumbass pet name, yeah, I will be. There are women that pull that shit, too, and it's just as bad (especially when someone younger than me calls me hun...just don't).
[–]HVincentM 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I was making a clever reference to your username.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
lol by stating exactly what the username means ;)
Thats the cleverness behind it
[–][deleted] 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]lamartine 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
While I can agree that girls actually don’t know what attracts them, I think they have enough judgement to know if they like to be called a ridiculous pet name or not.
It's not a party if you don't have drowned naked people in your pool, or in my case, your fish tank
[–]tehgreatist -3 points-2 points-1 points 13 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
hold on.. what? the first bit of advice i read is you opening with a bit about sexual fantasies? how often does that honestly work for you man. these people need real advice.
edit: alright i read through and there is some good advice in there but i really disagree with the one i singled out. if you try that on a girl you just met, more than likely its going to blow up in your face. it might not get you a slap in the face but i dont think its productive.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 13 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Well, if you literally just met her, maybe so, but if you've been talking for a bit, have some rapport, You can move the convo to relationships and gender differences, which women love to talk about, at which point it's easy to bring it up.
I actually have that book and am going to bring this topic up next time I get a chance.
This! Thanks for understanding dude!
[–]tehgreatist -4 points-3 points-2 points 13 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
id say its not a good idea to try this the first night you meet a girl. go ahead and try it but i dont see it working out
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Why? One of women's biggest complaints about men is not understanding what turns them on. Too many guys buy into the porn ideal.
Lots of women (not all) have fantasies and very few men have bothered to ask them about it. It's a turn-on for them in the same way nice tits are a turn-on for men. Merely asking about them in a non-creepy way sets you apart from most men.
Yet you would never tell a girl not to show off her cleavage to attract a man.
Read /r/sex
[–]tehgreatist -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
no. sure, maybe a lot of women havent had their sexual fantasies explored, but most respectable women arent going to want to have that conversation with a guy they just met. im not saying you should never ask them, but i wouldnt associate that part with picking them up. thats more towards sealing the deal.
[–]sparklyteenvampire 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
It's your delivery and her comfort level. You don't just lob this one out there five seconds after you meet her, dude. You wait until there's a lot of comfort and at least a little attraction, then you use this to transition into a more sexual conversation.
[–]tehgreatist -2 points-1 points0 points 13 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
my point is its a rather risky thing to say, and yes it would be entirely in the delivery. i dunno part of this place is just downright aggravating with some of the advice i see tossed around from "experts" here that i seriously wonder about. not saying everyone here is a liar but im sure there are just as many if not more as in other corners of the internet.
[–]sparklyteenvampire 3 points4 points5 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
http://i.imgur.com/i9hPY.jpg
Perhaps, but I think this and the "pet name" suggestion, while not necessarily the only or best advice (for pet names, that would be a personalized nickname that can be easily reciprocated), have been massively misunderstood in this thread. This might be OP's fault for not explaining them better. I see them as transition moves for late in the interaction, when you have lots of compliance and you're ready to amp things up. You also have to be extremely smooth and confident with them, so maybe they're not right for newbie advice.
The bottom line is that so many PUA lines/moves can go from unbelievably awesome to unbelievably creepy based on the situation and how smooth you can be. The more rapport, comfort, and confidence you have, the more you can get away with. You can't evaluate lines like this until you picture them in different situations, with different deliveries, and try to find one that fits.
I also think it's a mistake to look at most PUA material as one-size-fits all, word-for-word scripts to be memorized and repeated. Most of it is more like talking points to work into the conversation, or examples to show what your frame should be. You still have to find your own voice and adapt to changing situations.
[–]shifty84 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Upvotes for you sir. I think it is a combination of my perhaps-unclear explanation, & the fact that here in the UK pet names are a perfectly acceptable part of an interaction with the opposite sex. I think an ordered post would be beneficial, showing how the nicknames would be used after a connection / comfort has been established with laughter, kino, etc.
[–]tehgreatist -1 points0 points1 point 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this is exactly my point but i guess people just like to downvote when they disagree. i dont really care im just calling attention to it. my whole problem with his advice is its supposedly for "noobs". i wouldnt recommend those sorts of comments for a "flirting noob", it will likely end up looking bad in many more scenarios than good, especially when this is supposed to be something to help them "pick up girls"
[+]yeats666 -6 points-5 points-4 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
flirting's gay
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[–][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
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