From zero to laid. A step by step guide for my younger self. (Long post)

I met 3 very attractive girls this past week. I slept with all of them on the same day I met them. And this week has not been unusual. Something just clicked for me these past few months, and I want to share it with you.

Several years ago, when I was in high school, I couldn't even kiss a girl unless the planets were aligned. My sophomore year, I flirted via text with a girl from another school almost daily for months, simply because she was hot and had me put my arm around her once. Months go by with maybe one or two awkward meetings- and then she got a boyfriend! I wasted all of that time chasing a girl that did not respect me, but stayed in contact with me for the validation. I knew things needed to change, so I started reading all sorts of material on pick-up.

It took me a long time to sort through the gimmicks and misinformation, and the transformation has taken me beyond where I thought I could be. My life isn't amazing, but finding girls to sleep with is a non-issue for me, and I couldn't have done it without knowing what I know now. I haven't perfected my game, but I've gotten really damn far.

If I could go back and talk to my high school self, I would have boiled everything down to a 10 steps- and you should already be familiar with the first 2.

1. Be attractive. I'm not saying you have to look like a male model. I'm a few inches below average height, incredibly pale, have mediocre teeth, mild acne scars, and dry skin. If you looked at my photo in early high school, you'd see someone who definitely didn't have a lot going for him. So how am I attractive now? I pay great attention to detail when it comes to hygiene, fashion, and physical health. I have hobbies that I am passionate about, and I am a hard worker with a positive outlook. This part is so important, because it is the foundation for all that follows. If you aren't confident in your own body, you can't expect to find a girl that wants to sleep with you.

2. Don't be unattractive. Assume that others know you are attractive. When you take care of your body (both physical health and mental health), and dress as well as I do, you'll know when you're looking your best. You might not be Brad Pitt, but you're as well put together as you reasonably can be- and women WILL notice. If you put a lot of effort into who you are as a person, don't act like anything less. You are an interesting person who has done interesting things, so act like it! Otherwise you are your own worst enemy.

3. Put yourself on the market. Wasting all of my energy on one girl who seemed out of my league did not get me results. I wasn't about to wait for the "right" girl to walk into my life, because it just wasn't happening for me- I was not social enough to get that kind of attention without trying. So in addition to going out as much as I could, I signed up for online dating. Tinder and OkCupid have been my bread and butter. Lots of guys avoid online dating because of this slightly outdated logic: if you were an attractive girl that everyone already wanted to be with, you probably wont use a lot of tinder. But going from not approaching to suddenly hitting on strangers in broad daylight? Lets be honest, that's hard as hell for someone starting out, and it requires a lot of experience that not everyone has. If you learn the system, online dating gives you access to options you didn't know you had, and the rejections are much easier to take.

4. Advertise yourself. This is where you need to build a strategy for yourself to succeed. I built a very flattering profile for myself. It's well written, and I spent a lot of time collecting the very best photos of myself to use on my profile. Because of this, my match percentage is extremely high. Right now I have 1500 matches, about half of which are currently local. Can you imagine what you could do with a pool of 750 potential partners? You can use other forms of dating/social apps, but tinder has worked wonders for me. Let me tell you- I can consistently get 3 dates a week with about an hour total of effort. (If there's enough interest, I can make another post outlining my tinder strategy.) If you are in class or out at a bar and see a girl you find attractive, say hi! The only way to find potential partners is to reach out and contact them. You can work on your game by reading as much as you want, but experience and exposure is the only way you can really get better.

5. Set the date. Do not waste time texting without reason, and be aware that this situation is time sensitive. So many guys fuck this up, including my high school self. If you met online, ask for the date within 5-10 messages. If you met her at a bar, turn that first meeting into a date. How? See step 7 and try to isolate her from her friends. If you cannot escalate during that first meeting, the chances of having a second one goes down significantly. Do not number close unless you have made plans with her for another meeting. Make sure you make the specifics of the date clear as soon as possible. If you want to go to Starbucks at 9pm for a cup of coffee, then ask for exactly that. You asked for the date, so it's your responsibility to come up with the details unless she suggests an alternative.

6. Don't sweat it! If you've made it this far, you're on a date. You've done it! At this point, you just need to not mess up. In my part of the sales world, the average conversion per appointment is about 50%. Fifty fucking percent. And these people are spending tens of thousands of dollars after one meeting! If a girl shows up to a date, her guard is way further down than a client's guard is while sitting in front of a salesperson. She actually wants things to go well- just like you do (why else would she show up?). So if you play your cards right, what do you think the odds are? I have gone on maybe two dates without at least kiss closing in the past year. And I've been on more dates than I can remember.

7. Get her talking. She should do most of the talking. And how do you keep her talking? Use active listening skills to ask relevant questions about whatever she is already talking about. People LOVE talking about themselves- it's our favorite topic. I used to be think I needed to tell girls cool stories about myself to impress them, but you don't need to do that at all. In fact, unless she asks you, you shouldn't whip out any long story about yourself at all. To lead the conversation, your job is to maintain strong eye contact, use good body language, and ask some fucking questions. The majority of your conversation should be built off of tangents of hers. If you do this right, you can make jokes, observations, tell her about yourself, tease her, and give compliments with ease, because she'll be more invested in what you have to say. Don't use too many fillers. If there is silence (there will be), be comfortable with it and let it sit until you think of something to say; you're in no rush. Eventually, you'll both build a rhythm and feel very comfortable around each other.

8. Do not stay in one place. I learned this from years of reading seduction material, and it has become one of the most important aspects of my game. The idea is that by moving around, you will build a greater connection with the girl because it feels like you have spent more time together. That way, you get to have a series of "mini-dates". Which of these situations sounds like better bonding activities? Sitting in a cafe for two hours and talking; or sitting in a cafe for 30 minutes, going on a walk for 30 minutes, sitting on a park bench for 30 minutes, and then walking back to your place to watch tv. Yeah. The second one. This also works to re-position yourself to your advantage. How are you going to put your arm around her or kiss her if you are sitting across the table from her? Literally just getting up and walking from one end of the bar to the other can dramatically change your situation.

9. Pull the trigger. If you've been doing this effectively, she will be very attracted to you. And if she isn't, then you probably wont be so attracted to her either- if you're doing your job right, the only thing that kills the attraction is a lack of chemistry. The next step is to just go for it. This is my favorite part, and it is also where I feel the most nervous. You think things are going well, but you don't know for sure. You could inch closer to her and wait until she looks up at you and lets you know that its time to kiss. It certainly seems like the safest route, until you realize that she's wanted you to kiss her for 20 minutes. A better approach would be to escalate it a bit more deliberately. Increase your eye contact by as much as possible without flat out staring, and let the conversation slow until you are both pausing a bit. Move closer to her. Closer than you would stand to one of your friends. Now give it a moment and read how she's dealing with the situation. If she hasn't really noticed, but looks comfortable and isn't pulling away to regain the physical space between you, go in for the kiss. Kiss her like you're both lead characters in a blockbuster hit, and the situation could escalate itself from there.

10. Close. Ask her to netflix and chill at your place. Ask her if she wants to come see that cool piece of artwork you made. Ask her if she wants to come over for coffee. It really doesn't matter what you say, because she knows at this point that she's not going back to your place to just watch netflix.

Let me know your thoughts!

Edit: This post received a lot more attention than I expected. I'll try and follow up with another post on Tinder strategy when I get out of work.