Getting super soft rejections, how to have a more assertive vibe?

SoulChronic · 2026-06-30T19:19:00+00:00

They clearly get an innocent, immature or inexperienced vibe from you.

Often the impression comes from being a ‘nice guy’. Being too agreeable, mirroring too much, too worried about what they want or think. Basically not being solid.

You can be still be kind and mature, which is attractive, by having firm opinions, wants, boundaries, etc. Lots of woman want to see that you don’t need them, and that you prioritise yourself often, and operate from your own centre.

IMO that’s what being assertive is. You trust in yourself. Make your own fun. Don’t hesitate to act on or say what you think is right. If you’re a good person then most of the time it comes with kindness.

Might be yapping right now but hope this helps. If not hope you find your answers.

Don_7even7even · 2026-06-30T19:04:59+00:00

Bro same. They can sense it.

It's cause we're being too careful, not touching them playfully, not poking them, not being a little grabby, not pushing and hitting them playfully.

All these lacking physical indicators show that we're too passive to be dominant in bed. Most girls and women want to feel tiny and cute compared to us men to be really attracted sexually.

And also be a little intimidating, look them deep in their eyes from time to time and just think about fucking them and squint your eyes, they will know what you're planning. And they will LOVE it.

The moment you get to a point of teasing, where you can go behind her and grab her and she is laughing and playfully saying stoooop, you know you're close to being deep in her pussy by the end of the night.

ChicoBrillo · 2026-06-30T20:19:37+00:00

Lol, what you want them to reject you rudely instead? I don't really get what you're saying, I don't think it has anything to do with being assertive. It's hard to give advice not knowing how you act or what you say to them.

Ime, if she's interested, she's interested, she won't suddenly want to reject you because you aren't 'assertive'. Unless what you're saying is that you are hand wringing and clearly insecure.

Tbh, I am not that straight forward, I'm generally kind of passive and it works for me. I more so try to get to know her and ask her if she wants to get coffee or go on a walk some time (I don't refer to it as a date or lay it on thick at all). I'm never like "Hey, you're hot, tomorrow, 9pm, wear something sexy, meet me at the steak house".

Personally, if I think she's actually cool, I'm not against being friends. Networking and getting a bigger social circle 100% leads to meeting more people + more potential women who will be interested in you.

Just my 2 cents

chobolicious88 · 2026-06-30T20:01:25+00:00

They want dominance lol

S-Tier_Commenter · 2026-06-30T21:08:32+00:00

Sounds like Irish culture. They raise concerns by giving compliments.

Independent-Bad218 · 2026-06-30T21:18:34+00:00

as long as you show intent, then any rejection is just that a rejection. The only question you should ask is whether you tried to escalate or not.

This is not a vibe issue or dominance issue

addosh · 2026-07-01T00:18:22+00:00

Take each rejection as a learning experience, not a job interview. You don’t need to ask what went wrong, sometimes women just like to reject. There are multiple ways to play out. Change your strategy, try walking a different park. Doing sheets expect sex - lower your expectations. Even better, remove any expectation and just enjoy your time being single.

Andrewfairlane · 2026-07-01T03:36:56+00:00

You’re coming off as inexperienced and from what it sounds like, low sex appeal. I’d loom into the book MODELS by Mark Manson, The Charisma myth, or have you read the game?

duke_awapuhi · 2026-07-01T03:39:40+00:00

Im in a similar position, only having recently started “playing the game” again at 30. Here’s the reality, these women see you as a boy, and you need to figure out how to make them see you as man. And you will be able to do this because you’re getting practice. This is all about trial and error.

But you need to escalate. It doesn’t sound like you’re doing that. You have a window to escalate, and if you don’t do it, they won’t see you as capable of a hookup. You have to make the conversation sexual at some point. Difficult for someone who hasn’t had sex in a long time, but still doable. Bare minimum you need to tell them that they are attractive. You have to bring that energy. Don’t be afraid to playfully touch them or call them sexy etc. And if you escalate a bit, they might do the next bit of escalation. And be prepared for that. I’ve had women say things that are very graphic and it’s taken me off guard, ultimately causing me to botch the pickup lol

vertascend · 2026-07-01T08:47:27+00:00

Indicators of interest buddy and escalation at the opportune moments; sometimes you can’t force attraction as well; but you can convince them that they’re attracted to you by being genuine and having deep conversations

messias94 · 2026-06-30T19:35:21+00:00

Wenn eine Frau das tut ist es unterbewusst der versuch dich zu entwaffnen damit du garnicht auf die Idee kommst sexuell mit dieser frau zu werden.

Ursache:

Du hast keine sexuelle ausstrahlung auf die Frau die du angesprochen hast, sie sieht in dir kein sexuelles wesen!!!

Lösung:

Überdenke dein mindset. Wenn sich dein mindset ändert und du es auch fühlst, dass du mit der frau die du gerade angesprochen hast gerne schlafen möchtest, wird sich deine ausstrahlung auf die frau verändern.

Du wirst so härtere körbe kassieren aber das ist ok und daran wächst du. Bleibe immer im sozialen rahmen aber eskaliere etwas mehr um ihre reaction zu analysieren.

tin8374 · 2026-07-01T02:21:01+00:00

You want to get a drink thrown in your face instead?

ControlGood8979 · 2026-07-01T07:57:30+00:00

What did you say when she said Do you want to make teddy bears?

norwegiandoggo · 2026-07-01T08:41:39+00:00

Personally, I don't see us going any further in terms of kink and sex, but for sure it would be cool to do (board game activity) or see each other at (event venue) 😊 I'd love to be friends if you're open to that!

Sorry if I'm misreading this, but you asked her if you could have kinky sex!? It does seem pretty childish and inexperienced to pop that kind of question, and I could 100% see why a woman would reject you in patronizing way for that.

What is the way you propose these women typically? What do you ask them right before getting rejected? Maybe they're into you, but you just propose them in a very clumsy & childish manner, leading to the treating-you-like a child type of rejection.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-07-01T10:07:31+00:00

You can tell exactly how tense you are from the sound of your voice.

If you constrain the hose, the end product is stifled and restricted. Being relaxed, breathing deeply under pressure - your voice coming from your diaphragm - that will convey certainty, a sense of authority, enthusiasm, etc. That's 'being' attractive.

(That isn't to say there isn't a million other 'tells' like avoidant eye contact, having a conformist personality, etc. but the most obvious, instant reflection of self-esteem is the quality of your voice - whether air is moving unconstrained or you're 'bracing'- physiological confidence, not that fake shit)

If you were foreign and couldn't interpret the 'face value' of what was being said, it's clear that confidence, the quality and certainty of the sound you're making, dictates the hierarchy. It's not to be confused with 'shouting' - pushing more air through a constrained tube - that's projecting insecurity, it's annoying, unappealing - projecting your voice properly is an active display of relaxation and 'status' amongst a situation.

If you had the thunderous voice of Thor, not only women but everyone "Holy shit" and immediately turn. I'm not exactly saying you need that degree of charisma, but it's clear you are relatively too tense, distracted, restrained, that you're not projecting that much confidence.

Pristineonk · 2026-06-30T21:21:23+00:00

maybe it's the opposite and you're so damn dominant and assertive and masculine that they are worried about upsetting you with their rejection, so they're like 'but we can be friends!!!!'

lol

but at the end of the day, like the other poster said, who really cares. A rejection is a rejection. A 'soft' rejection is fine. Either way, attraction wasn't their on her part. Nothing you can do about that. Just on to the next girl to flirt with and see if she is into it (flirts back)

Key-Proud · 2026-06-30T22:39:13+00:00

How do you ask them to get rejected? How are you showing intent? Do you touch them?

Sandvicheater · 2026-07-01T05:52:59+00:00

Any girls that says the usual you're a nice guy but I only wanna be friends is a great opportunity for you to "counter" soft reject them with something like I'm only interested in intimate relationship with women so we shake hands and part ways.

This shows you actually have some steel between your legs and you're willing to burn that bridge and never see them again. While 99% of the time that will be the case there is that slim 1% chance you might get her interested as you're seen more assertive man who know what he wants and isn't willing to compromise with "friendships"

Beginning_Tap2727 · 2026-06-30T23:05:35+00:00

I dont think this is specific to you, I think this is women responding to incel culture, and wanting to be as gentle towards men’s feelings as possible

Title	Getting super soft rejections, how to have a more assertive vibe?
Author	LilTony53
Upvotes	32
Comments	43
Date	June 30, 2026 6:51 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ujxyhs/getting_super_soft_rejections_how_to_have_a_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/getting-super-soft-rejections-how-to-have-a-more.1583993 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583993

Comments