Help me stop caving into starting a relationship with girls I don't care about because I don't want to hurt them.

puntingbaxter · 2013-02-26T17:09:07+00:00

You hurt them more doing what you are doing

Mr_Zarika · 2013-02-26T18:46:23+00:00

I sometimes struggle with this. We all have high points and low points in our game. I find that I'll get tired of girls and chill out with my game for a week or two.

At this point, I'll maybe just have one girl that I've been hanging out with and just doing fun things with.

I'll inevitably meet someone new and get interested in someone else. However, I do feel guilty about moving on from being focused on this one girl. Even though we're not dating, I feel like I'm cheating. (stupid, I know)

I find that you can't treat people like babies. Yeh, we're cool guys and whichever girl you're with may want you to be with her long term. That's just part of the game, we ARE making people connect with us and like them.

Don't over think things. Just do. Just live your life in a way that you enjoy. Let other people worry about taking care of themselves and protecting themselves. It's too much hassle and heartbreak to do it yourself.

madog20x · 2013-02-26T20:03:10+00:00

COMMUNICATION!!

You're not in an exclusive relationship until YOU, as a man, tell her you would like to be exclusive. Its what girls refer to as The Talk. Until then, you're just two people with a sexual relationship. Some girls, especially younger girls(and guys like OP, and me up until recently) aren't sure if sex the first time means you're exclusive even if you're not technically together. Can you sleep with other girls after sleeping with this girl without being an asshole? Absolutely! Be HONEST and communicate your desires with her in a friendly way. I always tell girls "I'm seeing other girls, but I think you and I have a connection so Id like to keep seeing you." Usually they'll be perfectly OK with this. Sometimes she will object to this and express discomfort in being with a guy who's seeing other women. Express to her you understand and are ok with a platonic friendship too, and you'll probably still end up sleeping with her again (to key here is actually TRY to be platonic friends but dont be afraid to flirt and apply light kino). Once in a while a GIRL will lose her shit when you say this (rarely). This girl is crazy. You know the rules on crazy chicks.

waterskier2007 · 2013-02-26T18:10:16+00:00

By entering in a relationship with someone you don't truly want to be with, you are hurting them more in the long run than if you just say "I don't want to be with you"

RandianHero · 2013-02-26T18:20:54+00:00

By forcing yourself. You're a grown-up, you can control your actions. If you don't want to get in a relationship with someone, don't.

forbinsdecline · 2013-02-26T20:21:27+00:00

Before you have sex you should get it out there that you don't want anything serious. You still might not be able to avoid it because girls can be pretty single minded if they want a relationship, but it helps lay the groundwork for you being honest about what you want.

You might get laid a little less, but you will be less stressed. At least that's how I feel in situations like this.

RockyMontage · 2013-02-26T22:14:10+00:00

Just dont say anything to a girl hinting that you are being exclusive. Dont say that you are in a relationship. Make it subtly understood that you are dating other girls, but never actually mention it.

And dont worry about hurting them. First off, they are tougher than you think and losing a guy isnt a super big deal. Second off, they are hurting themselves. As long as you never lead them on and act like you want a relationship then they can only get hurt if they read something into it that isn't there. You cant stop people from hurting themselves, you can just do what you want and be honest about it. (just dont say outright that you want to only be friends with benefits, cuz most girls, when they consciously verbalize it like that will try to lock you down into a relationship. But their ok with it as long as its an elephant in the room sort of thing.)

eablokker · 2013-02-26T17:05:21+00:00

If you don't care about them then why don't you want to hurt them. Obviously you do care about them then. Are you asking about how to stop caring about them?

bentleymazerati · 2013-02-26T18:29:06+00:00

You will hurt WAY more if you enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Be true to yourself and what you know is right for yourself, it's better to hurt her a little and move on then to waste time and decimate her. I learned this the hard way...

Geckel · 2013-02-27T02:52:17+00:00

Understand that you are hurting them more by wasting their time. Pretty selfish dude.

2013-02-26T18:09:31+00:00

Keep in mind that there's probably nothing specific about you that they're grabbing onto, it's probably just your availability. It's not like a long-term relationship where there is a recovery period, they will just grab onto the next thing that comes by.

BambooShooter · 2013-02-26T17:54:46+00:00

When you're doing night game, there's some mutual understanding that you both only want something short-term. During the day, you're entering that persons daily life, not just some character which they've put on whilst they're clubbing.

What do you hope to get out of the interaction with the women you meet during the day? When they try and contact you again, you need to be decisive and truthful with yourself as to whether or not you actually want to meet with them again.

DevuSM · 2013-02-26T18:21:20+00:00

Help yourself.

kingcal · 2013-02-27T05:28:26+00:00

Just be honest from the get go. Tell them on the first date you're not really looking for a serious relationship. You just want to have fun and be single. Girls can take it or leave it. If they stick around hoping they'll get into a relationship with you later that's on them.

LieBaron · 2013-02-27T15:04:16+00:00

You just need to learn that you have to respect your own wishes, that you have to respect your own boundaries, and that you hurt them more by giving them false hope. And you have to make your intentions and wishes clear from the start.

russlo · 2013-02-26T17:49:55+00:00

I'm no expert, but I'd say maybe you're lingering too long. Hit and run tactics. Be charming, get the number, get away. Call the number later, at night.

conscioncience · 2013-02-26T18:39:42+00:00

When you first meet them stab them with a pen

2013-02-26T23:21:24+00:00

You just say you're not feeling it and bail. Better for you both in the long run.

Title	Help me stop caving into starting a relationship with girls I don't care about because I don't want to hurt them.
Author	caveinman
Upvotes	24
Comments	26
Date	February 26, 2013 3:48 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/199hmg/help_me_stop_caving_into_starting_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/help-me-stop-caving-into-starting-a-relationship.1348068 https://theredarchive.com/post/1348068

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