Honest question for AFCs:

CeasarSaladExpress · 2011-10-18T16:05:28+00:00

If you lock eyes with a girl, and are fighting yourself whether or not you should approach, what stops you other than rejection?

I dunno about other guys, but I don't recall ever worrying about rejection when in such a scenario. Instead, my mind just goes blank and I have no idea what to say. This of course depends on the situation; if I'm at a party or some type of social gathering then I can easily just use 'hi, we haven't met yet? I'm blah blah' and so on. But if this is in the street, a store, or some other palce where you normally wouldn't expect to meet new people then it's not so obvious.

Sure, if you read just about any seduction material then you'll see that a good one to use is an observational opener, be it about the surroundings, or her. But on the spot, it's pretty daunting, especially when it seems that no one else arround you is doing it.

WolfInTheField · 2011-10-18T16:02:35+00:00

I wouldn't consider myself full AFC, but I am far from cassanova. I do OK. I think one of my big steps to progress through was fear of what other people would think, mainly the guys/girls who I already knew who I was out with. Comments like "Stop talking to random people..... it's embarrassing" from a lot of girl friends when I was starting out slowed my progress a lot. I got over it after a few months.

TL;DR haters gonna hate, do it for yourself.

nuckingFutz · 2011-10-18T16:54:17+00:00

As a former AFC, turned sedditor, who has since gotten soft in the warm embrace of a LTR:

99% of the time we're not thinking about it. Two hot girls talking to you? Weird, I wonder what they want. Girl finds a reason to keep talking to you throughout a day / night? She must be lonely (and not like that). Girl locks eyes with you? She's in the zone or distracted / I must have something on face. Girl teases me? Innocent fun.

People say I'm still a flirt, and that I have a way with women, so old habits die hard. But I'm just not THINKING about it. "Do I approach or not approach" doesn't even enter my head. Rejection doesn't exist because there's no initial attempt.

The problem is that AFCs don't know there's a whole other "hunter killer" type mindset where every hot girl is a potential seduction. AFCs befriend everyone and don't act 'sexy.' It's not a matter of not knowing what to do, but not being aware there's a whole other level of sexual communication.

ta4s · 2011-10-18T16:00:00+00:00

I'm getting better, but it's generally something closer to procrastination than outright refusal. I'm trying to think of something better to say, or waiting for her to show more interest, or waiting for a better song to come on, or...

Obviously this isn't how you do things. But it's more complicated than simply "oh I'm scared I'll get rejected," the mind has a pretty sophisticated mechanism for disguising that fear as perfectionism.

puaCurveBall · 2011-10-18T15:44:04+00:00

Thanks for great post as always fortheloveofwhat, been noticing string of quality submissions.

Fear of success can be just as strong as fear of rejection in some...

JayTS · 2011-10-18T16:40:33+00:00

How bad do you want it?

Not bad enough.

zezozio · 2011-10-18T17:23:59+00:00

Maybe there is also a part of internalized rejection.

When my dog was young he used to run after every pigeon or squirrel in sight. After a few years, he realized he would not get his paws on any and just stopped. And once he stopped, as he calmed down, some squirrels came closer to him and he could have a swing at some. But he never tried again.

So I think it's not so much fear of rejection (well, there is still) but the fact that you think you know for a fact that you couldn't possibly get into her pants. What do you have that could possibly interest her...

ohh the time lost... sigh...

2011-10-18T17:32:29+00:00

We do not believe we are worthy of success.

eablokker · 2011-10-19T00:45:54+00:00

For me personally I overreact to rejection. It's pretty embarrassing. And I know that because I overreact to rejection, I'd rather not approach because it's going to be messy, I'm going to say mean things, get upset, etc. My head is going to spin with negative thoughts and I'm going to spin into a depression. By not approaching, I get to avoid going into that kind of depression and embarrassment.

I've heard many times that what's supposed to happen is that with enough rejection you eventually desensitize to it and it doesn't bother you anymore, or at least can handle it easier. So far that hasn't happened for me.

It's not rejection that I'm afraid of, what really scares me is my out of control reaction to rejection.

DesignMyself · 2011-10-18T19:55:07+00:00

I'm in a magical place right now where I can consciously tap into my inner AFC and listen to him as he goes through his set of rationalizations and excuses, but I try not to act on them and recognize the thoughts as silly and completely unfounded.

What usually goes on when I lock eyes with someone (boy or girl) is the immediate desire to end the contact. I can't say why, but it feels... intrusive on my part. I feel as if I've insulted them in some way just by locking eyes.

When I force myself to hold the lock, it's really hard. Physically difficult, literally something pushing my eyes away from hers. If I can push through the physical difficulties, it'll be because I've given up all focus on everything else. That usually ends up showing, and I always forget to smile, because I'm so focused on not breaking eye contact.

lonelychaser · 2011-10-18T22:48:15+00:00

If you lock eyes with a girl, and are fighting yourself whether or not you should approach, what stops you other than rejection?

Girls never seem to want to lock eyes with me so... that stops me.

Back_Against_Wall · 2011-10-18T23:08:24+00:00

For me, I'm more scared of the awkwardness from a relative lack of experience for my age group.

I'm 21 now and never really had a relationship. In college, I've somehow ended up in a group of party going friends who have had all of the experiences I lack and if the conversation ever turns to something about sex or relationships, then my inner voice is like "Yup, never done any of this."

Gets even worse if I end up having to reveal something on the subject since it's a bit embarrassing to me. I suppose that's what I fear in all of this. Being labeled as weird or immature because I haven't had much relationship or sexual experience.

The times I have gotten up the nerve to ask someone out recently is after I've already known them for long enough to friendzone me. By the time I feel comfortable enough, they already know me too well.

WolfInTheField · 2011-10-18T17:52:05+00:00

THis is a good question.

Also, this-

There's a really hot girl (solid 9, blonde, perfect figure (drools)) I've never met before, standing in my living room RIGHT NOW, as I'm typing this, using our phone. Sadly, my dad is standing next to her. Now that's a question of how bad do you want it.

asad16 · 2011-10-18T19:33:53+00:00

I wanna pull out that quote from Coach Carter but it's so cliche and can be said so much better, but essentially i think people are scared of success. they will have no problems to worry about after

blunt_toward_enemy · 2011-10-18T23:12:33+00:00

Honestly? I have no fucking clue what to do if I succeed. Getting blown out? Having girls flake? Having my mind go blank in the middle of a conversation that was going pretty well? Failure, while shitty, is familiar. That's my problem.

DesignMyself · 2011-10-19T03:34:00+00:00

I often find some excuse, like other people are here and they'll be judging me and I'll feel uncomfortable.

I think, in the end, not taking on the attitude of outcome independence is wanting to have more control than any of us ever have. Control- freaks. We must accept that we don't know everything about what will happen. We have to accept that thinking too far ahead isn't doing us any good. I'm tired of it.

FRENCH_FUCKER · 2011-10-19T09:59:17+00:00

I'm an AFC. I have no problem with AA, I'll just go and not give a fuck. The problems are :

I'm running out of things to say, specially with HB10 that just wants to be entertained.
I kind of dive into the discussion and just forget to kino the girl. This happens all the time, and it's really a problem. I just forget I want to have sex. Pssshhh I know right ? If the girl is interresting and smart, I'll just try and outsmart her, just because I want to be the smartest. I'm an engineer so this comes with the diploma. Got to work on that.
Just the thought of someone looking at me / judging me can block me really hard. It happens less now, with the course of time. I'm 25 and give less fucks. But still I give some once in a while (usually when I'm dry sober).

So yeah I do have regrets. And yeah they do weigh.

testmypatience · 2011-10-18T16:02:30+00:00

The reason that we do this is because of how we as humans are wired by instinct.

I have written a few articles revalent to this. In order of concept:

absentlyaware · 2011-10-19T06:25:12+00:00

I was born and raise in the US but English was my second language. I was raised in a foreign culture, so I was picked on a lot during school. Even at home I would be berated for flaws and this all led me to find the best way to avoid all the negativity. I guess what I'm trying to say is that every time I even see a set, the ridicule and rejection slams down on me and that repeat reel discourages me from the attempt. I freeze up and blank out when a hint of a shit test comes up and I stumble on words. I've pulled some suave moves in the past to great results but the uneven ratio adds up and gets to be a snowball effect against me.

Title	Honest question for AFCs:
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	28
Comments	55
Date	October 18, 2011 3:29 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lgcuo/honest_question_for_afcs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/honest-question-for-afcs.1323971 https://theredarchive.com/post/1323971