How can I avoid being too available?

Silverthrone921 · 2024-05-03T20:57:03+00:00

I hope you've met her IRL otherwise you have been wasting alot of time

No_Standard_260 · 2024-05-03T20:29:20+00:00

You need more girls in your life

Holiday_Treacle6350 · 2024-05-03T20:29:35+00:00

You have love to give - if you feel anxious about "being too available" after 5 months, you need to ask yourself if this energy could be directed towards someone more deserving of it.

Mexcol · 2024-05-03T23:14:07+00:00

You're an orbiter and a source of validation & attention to her.

unswunghero · 2024-05-03T20:33:31+00:00

Unless it's an emergency she doesn't need you. Treat her like an adult or your best guy friend. If your best guy friend texted you, you'd have no problem brushing him off and asking to do something on another day. Get more hobbies or activities that you have to commit to such as volunteering or weekly trivia with friends or rec sports.

Fuzzy-Bottle-4138 · 2024-05-03T21:13:32+00:00

What does talking to someone for 5 months mean? You guys aren’t dating yet? You just been hooking up and keeping it casual for 5 months and nobody has caught feelings? Have you met this girl yet? Have you been on many dates? Have you had sex many times? Who is this girl?

WinterTakerRevived · 2024-05-04T02:33:44+00:00

Actually occupy yourself with meaningful activities. Pretending to busy/not available is a waste of time and only fooling yourself

m0rb33d · 2024-05-03T21:47:50+00:00

Bro, what the f is wrong with you lmao

bannedcanceled · 2024-05-03T23:17:05+00:00

Its called actually having stuff to do throughout the day. Work, gym, other chicks.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2024-05-04T03:50:29+00:00

If you haven't dated after five months of talking, either ask her out or move on. You're way past the "Am I too available" stage.

originalOdawg · 2024-05-04T06:07:15+00:00

Find more hobbies, go out more, put phone in drawer and walk away.

Dandys3107 · 2024-05-04T06:17:10+00:00

You can't help missing out on something. Just realise too much contact and attention can backfire on your dynamics and attraction. Keep it balanced. And don't get too dependent on her decisions, girls can easily lose her interest out of the blue. Find something more in life that will excite and get you busy.

spicy_simba · 2024-05-04T06:45:19+00:00

Hey there buddy,

" Being too available" is not the question i would look for first, but let me you ask you this

Do you feel you are too anxiously attached ?

Do you feel insecure/uncomfortable in this relationship?

Do you feel the other person is not matching your pace in communicating and initiating activities?

These are possible root causes that would result in you worrying, and for example feeling too available

I experienced the following before, i was overthinking about a girl, how much should i reach out to her, then at the end i realized i was worrying too much about losing her, which was partly coming from me being an anxious person and partly from her not matching my pace, being less committed than i was, she was more of an avoidant attachment person, also she was taking it slow and her mind was not made, and that made me worry more, as my mind was made that that was the girl for me. . Now looking back, i realised i didn't know the person well, i glorified her and put her on a pedestal because i was in love with the idea of "being in a relationship" and "having a gf", i was in denial about her bad behaviours, and just went all in ! The funny thing is she started pulling back and i didn't take the hint, i only worried more, and was too scared to confront, Was searching how to fix it... it ended up with her breaking up with me.

I also realized i made "being in a relationship so important" that i was cancelling other plans of mine and prioritizing her, she was my main thing of focus and I was obsessing, this is also an expression of anxious attachment. . If you feel similar, i would have a talk with the girl, share my feelings, and see where she is at, if she is committed but taking it slow or if she is not feeling it but was not sure how and what to do.

Of course if someone has not challenged at their job, or study or main activity, this will intensify anxieties, but i don't it's the main root cause, same as for doing hobbies...etc

DaygameCode · 2024-05-03T22:22:59+00:00

5 months and only talking? Dude, in 5 months she is has secretly slept with 5 guys minimum easily.

Endgame2648 · 2024-05-04T06:32:20+00:00

She's your girlfriend. You've been seeing her for almost half a year now. You also say you're drawn to her despite having other girls. Maybe this is a sign from the skies. If she also reciprocates your feelings, i would make it exclusive. Don't make the mistake I did. You'll regret losing her if you keep whoring around.

Edit: Just read the rest of your comments. Blud ask her the fuck out. Why waste 5 months on someone who isn't gonna commit. Stop being the nice guy. She's not ready for a relationship because you're not bold enough.

BonjourComeBack · 2024-05-04T09:43:21+00:00

More girls in your life as Say another comment ...

And a hectic life so you have more important things to do

Global-Vast-6521 · 2024-05-04T11:00:34+00:00

I'd say you don't have stuff in your life which is important. More important than her . Get a life . I don't mean to downplay you or something.

thisjustin930 · 2024-05-04T11:48:38+00:00

you're losing frame and self-power, don't be overinvested. don't be a simp.

SaaSWriters · 2024-05-04T12:00:43+00:00

How can I avoid being too available?

If, indeed, this is your concern, therapy is your best option.

You're too needy. And before you argue this is not true, here's the fact. If you were secure in yourself, you wouldn't worry about such things.

Any attempt to argue otherwise is denial.

shotta511 · 2024-05-04T12:27:24+00:00

for me it was getting a job and other responsibilites, I just cant reply more than once or twice a day

FlyByGunner · 2024-05-04T14:31:58+00:00

Unless she says she needs you, assume shes just seeking attention, and ur giving in like every guy shes ever known

SithLordJediMaster · 2024-05-04T15:09:24+00:00

You need to get busy with life.

Go skydiving or work on your business or start a YouTube channel or do MMA or something.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-05-04T15:23:26+00:00

Have enough shit going in your life so you actually arent always available

garnageman · 2024-05-04T18:04:27+00:00

be busy. get hobbies. get a job. have goals

smind893 · 2024-05-05T09:50:04+00:00

I find it interesting that so many here are telling you that she's not interested in you , speaking in absolutes!

If you're playing it cool, that's fine. There is nothing wrong with developing a friendship into something.

So ignore these joykills......

.......HOWEVER, what's your end game ???

If you want more than just meet-ups, then I'll tell you a simple trick that will give you a chance to enjoy life and yet perhaps take this to the next level....

.....ask her "to join you" to an event you want to check out.

Concert, museum, street fair etc.

The reason this works is because you're living your best life and not waiting on her. However, the invite is there and post on your social media , hopefully, she follows, which shows you did go out and enjoy yourself.

If she reacts to the videos/pix, cool. If she says she'd like to go next time, cool. If she joins you, cool. If she doesn't go, cool.

Just be cool overall and accept how it turns out. She never joins then she's not into you now. If she joins then you have to turn up the flirting and live with the results.

Keep up the hang outs, have fun, ignore these bitter replies, but definitely turn up the invites and flirting.

Accept the results and move on with life.

Title	How can I avoid being too available?
Author	Economy-Noise-8244
Upvotes	8
Comments	40
Date	May 3, 2024 8:18 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cjhyod/how_can_i_avoid_being_too_available/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-avoid-being-too-available.1517340 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517340

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