How do I avoid the 20 questions trap?

greatdateguy · 2020-10-09T16:13:34+00:00

Talk about your life and what you're legit excited about
Stop asking questions about stuff you don't care about
Learn to "yes and"
In general, the focus on getting to know her, and assessing whether or not you'd want to date her INSTEAD OF how you will get her attracted

Anne_Fran · 2020-10-09T16:00:38+00:00

She'll most likely answer the first few questions, so when she answers, try to relate or share a similar experience. Even slightly lie about an experience if you have to. You also wanna throw in some teases and flirt based off of her answers to keep the conversation playful and show premise/indicate it's a man to woman interaction, not friend to friend. By following up on her answers it shows her you listen, by relating and/or sharing a similar experience it connects you with her on a more emotional level. By teasing and/or flirting it shows her you're not afraid of taking risks.

The_Advocates_Devil_ · 2020-10-09T16:00:08+00:00

How about silence? Don't text too much. Only the details about the next date so you have something to talk about. When you text prolifically you look bored or that you aren't working/busy. A busy man is an attractive man! When you are busy you can't text all day and so it creates this feeling that she has to work for you a little. It also creates mystery. Women love mystery! The wonderment of what you're doing and whether or not she can join you in your life is very attractive to women.

If you are available to text at a moments notice you begin looking like a low value man. That is not attractive. Your incessant questioning becomes a juvenile game she gets annoyed with rather quickly and surprise you have now been Caspered (ghosted).

RProgrammerMan · 2020-10-09T18:29:18+00:00

I read in a book that it’s better to use statements. “You seem like the kind of person that reads about a lot of different subjects.” As opposed to “Do you like to read?”. Or maybe state an opinion to trigger a response. “I think it’s going to be a cold winter, what do you think?”.

fr4nc35k1n · 2020-10-09T17:49:54+00:00

Look. If you want to fuck a girl, you need to look in her eyes when you communicate. All I text is when we'll meet up.

ThenIJizzedInMyPants · 2020-10-09T20:21:31+00:00

Here's a basic guide to conversations:

Ask a broad, open-ended question about something that most girls can talk about. Namely: family, food, travel, games/sports, shopping, or other aspects of their life such as education or work. Avoid polarizing topics like politics or religion. Stay away from yes/no questions. Phrases like "tell me about..." work well.
If she seems to enjoy the topic, dive deeper using conversation threading techniques. Every now and then connect back to your own life. Avoid asking too many questions by rephrasing questions are statements. Example:

Girl: I love traveling, it's so fun to experience a new culture
You-bad: Cool, where did you go? What did you go? etc.
You-better: Me too... recently I went to xxx.... i really enjoyed xxx... (let her respond to your story)
You-also good: Me too... tell me about a trip you took recently (deep dive into interesting parts of her story)

Stop having long conversations on dating apps! You can absolutely set up an in person date in less than 30 messages. In person dates >>>>> texting. If you're not comfortable meeting up during this pandemic then go ahead I guess but it's fundamentally an inefficient way to go.

ImmodestPolitician · 2020-10-09T16:47:01+00:00

Invite them to do something. No one really builds attraction via text. Texting people you barely know sucks.

Minky123456 · 2020-10-09T17:11:27+00:00

The main issue is that you are asking too many questions on chat. You really only need to find out her interests and availability and set something up from there. Get her to come out with you and you will not have this issue. She has a ton of people constantly messaging her and unless you are someone important (you are just another guy trying to message her) then you will get no priority in response.

Girls act way differently in person then on chat because let's face it the constant distractions she has makes it seem like she has A.D.D.

Alex_O7 · 2020-10-09T17:45:33+00:00

When you get an info about her don't just get it and move on. Use that info to: a) make guess about her (the funnier the better); b) relate to this info with something about yourself (the more interesting the better).

Then you have to be able to made funny jokes about what she said, after a lot you are talking or after some dates make also some sexy jokes. These will bring up the argument of sex in the convo.

coolwater85 · 2020-10-09T19:32:35+00:00

After the first few questions answer her last text with something like "OK" or "cool", then take some time away from texting, like a few hours. Then, around the next meal-time of the day send this text:

"Hey, I'm going to Whole Foods for some food. Wanna grab a bite with me?"

hob814 · 2020-10-09T20:53:08+00:00

Dont ask questions, make statements.

When you keep asking it feels like your a cop and she is a suspect or something. If you want to talk about a movie talk about it and see if she likes it or if she likes another movie the same way you like this one and so on with that. Basically every question can be made a statement, but you need to practice that skill

Gamma_Male_ · 2020-10-09T20:29:49+00:00

Try to make assumptions rather than asking questions. Make assumptions that trigger her curiosity and interest.

If you end up asking questions, ask meaningful ones e.g 'why' questions rather than questions with single word answer.

Don't change the subject. Stay on the subject and share your own experience and opinion on the current subject rather than jumping to the next question.

Humour also helps.

InternationalBorder9 · 2020-10-09T21:35:53+00:00

Because the 20 questions is boring. Plus it can come across like an interview. Joke around, say things that are a bit silly/funny, make some statements instead of just questions

HotGlueGun2 · 2020-10-09T22:47:17+00:00

Texting should be casual fun and on point. Nobody wants to be quizzed interrogated or interviewed. How difficult can this be? Don't ask a bunch of questions and don't be so serious and weird. Keep it light

ArmyVetDude82 · 2020-10-10T01:14:35+00:00

Texting isn’t really the best way to get to know someone through serious conversation/questions. That is better done in person. Texting should be fun/silly/flirty just enough so the girl can get comfortable enough to actually meet you.

hoetel_kuntz · 2020-10-10T12:23:55+00:00

i think it depends on whether you have met the girl online or face-to-face. The former requires some backwards and forwards texting whereas meeting face-to-face before getting her number essentially cuts that out - you would only use it then to organise meeting up.

So if its online dating, asking questions in a way you describe will become boring. I think to maintain interest you have to appear fun, spontaneous, witty and mysterious. You want to be in control. Keep it light hearted and dont take yourself too seriously.

EDIT: flirty, dont forget flirty!

Panoslifeshift · 2020-10-10T12:55:15+00:00

It sounds like you are texting too much. Don't small talk, you should always be just leading to arranging a date. Otherwise it can look needy. Let her be asking the questions.

Woujo · 2020-10-10T15:36:20+00:00

First, stop texting girls all day. Set up an in-person meeting.

Second, you need to bring some value. Say something fun or interesting. You ask questions to find out something interesting or fun you can talk to them about, not just to collect information.

theweirdo02 · 2020-10-12T03:01:12+00:00

I’d recommend to find someone interested in your conversation and then flirt like for a little bit but not excessively.

krayono · 2020-10-09T23:07:16+00:00

Make statements. Don’t ask questions.

Its0ver4U · 2020-10-13T18:46:36+00:00

You dip out of the conversation altogether.

If a girl isn't interested in you and isn't contributing to a conversation, she isn't attracted to you.

Plain and simple.

You need to be physically attractive to get the attention of women BEFORE you even consider talking to them and getting to know them.

If you're ugly, you could be a silver-tounged devil and say the EXACT right things to her, and still go home empty-handed.

If you're tall and good-looking, you can literally talk to her about how you are a convicted sex offender and how you have never had a job in your life and she will literally drag you home with her.

Title	How do I avoid the 20 questions trap?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	90
Comments	61
Date	October 9, 2020 3:34 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j815qy/how_do_i_avoid_the_20_questions_trap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-avoid-the-20-questions-trap.1503631 https://theredarchive.com/post/1503631

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