how do i put myself out there after a rejection?

DaygameCode · 2024-03-21T10:51:06+00:00

1 - Don’t put women on a pedestal. You fell in love with a woman you didn’t even get to have sexual relationships with first, that is the definition of putting women on a pedestal. Specially if you only met her for one month which is basically like not knowing them at all, no matter how much you tell yourself that you knew her. Putting women on a pedestal guarantees you will never date them. You have no business acting like you are in love with a woman if you haven’t had sex with her first 5 times at the very least to make sure it’s not just hormones and infatuation.

2 - Unfortunately for you, you need to have rizz and getting “one girl that you really like” requires you to be good at getting girls that you may not like as much as the other girl in the first place. Getting “the one” requires a lot of experience not just to start a relationship, but to keep it as well. Let’s say you get a girl you really like, you still need to be good at sex.

And if you haven’t slept with other women you probably suck and women aren’t gonna teach you, they will expect sexual compatibility” (as they call it) from day one. Heck if you aren’t good at sex before you are actually in an official relationship it probably won’t even get to the point where you are exclusive and committed into being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Hence why you need first to get laid with the woman many times and then decide if you two can have a relationship. And yes, sex is important. If you are that type of guy who says “i don’t care about sex, i just want someone to hug me and listen to me and kiss me on the forehead” you can forget right now about getting any girlfriend or keeping them.

ROBYoutube · 2024-03-21T12:21:20+00:00

I just couldnt find anyone better than her, someone as graceful as her

You do not know this person. Like, at all. You didn't even know if she liked you as a potential romantic partner when you asked her out.

When you start having these weird, outsized feelings towards someone, it makes every interaction you have with them feel really fucking weird from her perspective. When you're not famous and you have a fan, it feels wrong.

KingOnixTheThird · 2024-03-21T18:11:42+00:00

In my experience, dating requires a lot of emotional resilience and emotional toughness. Think about it. When you're starting to date, you're going to get rejected a lot. You'll be left on read, stood up, friendzoned from time to time. If you don't have the ability to handle rejection very well, then dating is going to be an extremely brutal and heart breaking experience and you'll quickly give up.

I think one of your issues (and I had this issue too when I was around your age) is that you tend to idealize a girl way too early. When you see a girl for the first time, you are so mesmerized by her that you "fall in love" with her without barely even knowing her. This is a mistake for a couple reasons.

Dating is and has always been a numbers game. The chances of one girl being interested in you and being the one for you is very slim, so putting all of your emotional investment into one girl who you barely know is a way for you to be extremely disappointed. Instead, talk to multiple women and if one doesn't work out, that's okay because you're still talking to other girls.
By romanticizing a girl who you barely know, you may ignore big incompatibility issues or completely miss red flags. For example, this girl who you're absolutely crazy for despite only talking for a week, may be a smoker, or she's moody and high strung 50% of the time.

So don't be quick to fall in love with girls. Instead, get to know them, and your love for them should grow proportional to how long you've met them.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-03-21T12:39:28+00:00

Satan can appear to us in his original form...a graceful angel of light in order to deceive and attack us.

Whether or not you hold religious beliefs, this describes what happened to you.

You thought you were in love with one girl because of her beauty and grace, and when things didn't go your way, you lost your will to move on and talk to other girls...

This train of thought where there is nobody better than "her" can destroy you, there are guys that lose the will to live because of this stuff.

Learn to disregard a woman's beauty, focus completely on the personality and behaviors. Beauty and grace can reel you in and destroy you.

Why the hell would you want a girl that avoids you and proceeds to tell people about it instead of discreetly turning u down like a grown adult? Don't tolerate that kind of disrespect from anybody no matter how beautiful she might be. If you let her live rent free in your mind she wins.

jobforaspawn · 2024-03-21T12:45:02+00:00

If you find out the answer, please share. I'm 31 and fear of rejection is literally the reason I can't approach women.

Oneschlong · 2024-03-21T15:11:04+00:00

Life continues, you should have no memory of anything by now!

tobelurone · 2024-03-21T18:29:52+00:00

Seems like u got too emotionally attached to her, which happens when u don’t have experience w women and have a scarcity mindset like u won’t find another like her.

What helped me is to start approaching random attractive women or get some attractive matches on apps, this way u get in ur head that there r always opportunities coming ur way and it doesn’t matter if one rejects u cus there’s a next one waiting.

Always try to catch urself becoming emotionally attached, as it will kill ur game, she isn’t ur wife or gf she hasn’t earned her right to be in ur head like that.

lost_horizons · 2024-03-21T23:23:29+00:00

Rejection is rarely really about you. She doesn’t even know you. It’s almost more about her own inner state and status and mentality Let it go it means nothing.

Even physically, okay if it’s that, well, your not her type so what? How many girls out there aren’t yours? And you can work on your body, your charisma, your personality, etc. all of it, so you have some control

Really the key is what the other guy said, don’t put women on a pedestal, when you barely know them. She’s just another human, plenty more out there. Drop it entirely and move on to the next.

saulisdating · 2024-03-21T21:06:01+00:00

Dude, you've only known her for a month, you didn't even get to know her that well - and you say you LOVE HER?

That's your biggest issue, right there. That's why you're afraid of rejection and that's why you suck with women.

You gotta stop falling in love with women who you DON'T EVEN KNOW WELL. That's creepy and needy as fuck, since you're falling in love with some FANTASY version of them that you have in your head, and not the real person - because you don't even know them well.

Do you realize how this affects all of your sub-conscious communication with women when you ask them out after "falling in love" with them? And women sense this creepy vibe. You're basically OBJECTIFYING women because you're falling in love with their appearance and some outward characteristics, without knowing anything about who they really are as people.

You're not living in a fairy-tale. You need to ask people out with the goal of GETTING TO KNOW THEM. Or get to know them and THEN ask them out. And only decide that you love them after you've been on many, many dates with them and have at least slept together. So you're jumping the gun big time and that's what's fucking you up.

So how do you put yourself out there after a rejection?

Rejection is the default state. Everyone gets rejected. Even the most successful guys in the world who are amazing with women get rejected A LOT. It's how they handle rejection that sets them apart.

You get destroyed by rejection because you're still inexperienced, immature and have poor self-esteem. That's a you problem - you gotta work on your self-esteem, go be social with tons of people to get experience, and as a result, you'll gain some maturity after a while.

It's a very difficult topic to explain in a reddit comment, but I urge you to go and read this: The Secrets Of How To Overcome Fear Of Rejection With Women

YellowFlashv · 2024-03-21T21:24:10+00:00

“Rizz” is just the fun part about getting a girl, seeing her blush from what you say, making her nervous, etc… you don’t need it but your chances greatly increase once you have it.

You didn’t fuck up, step 1 stop thinking like that. There are plenty of women that will love you for being who you are.

Step 2 stop thinking, if you think you too much you’ll lose much more.

Step 3 keep going for what you want, put yourself in situations where it would be weird if you didn’t say anything.

you got it bro bro keep going

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2024-03-21T22:16:46+00:00

First off, dont quickly fall in love with people you barely know. You talk about this girl like it’s a relationship straight from the notebook. When i first resd the first few sentences i thought you had known this girl for years. Maybe she did have some interest for you but sounds like you probably scared her away.

Sencond, rejection is normal. You will get rejected more and more. It’s about keeping your head high and going after the next one. Use this as a pearning experience, when you met a girl you really like dont put her on a pedestal. Especially in todays world of dating, keep your options open until you both commit to each other. Todays world of dating most people are talking to multiple people at once until they decide on who they want to be with.

I just think you need practice on approaching girls. Go to the club and bars with friends. Get some drunk confidence and just start talking to girls. Youll likely get rejected a few times but it gives you confidence to keep trying

shocklance · 2024-03-21T23:10:01+00:00

I do Brazilian jiujitsu. In BJJ, you have a lot of fights (rolls).

I'm going to say it was at least six months before I got my first submission against an opponent in BJJ. That was six months of basically straight losses. Did I quit immediately after the first loss? No.
This week, I got absolutely mangled at training. No wins at all. Wasn't my week. Did I quit? No.

My worth as a man isn't contingent on whether in this moment I win the roll, or the girl likes me, or anything else. But if you let it, it's very easy to make yourself think that way.

Don't turn a girl into a sharp rock you can keep stabbing yourself on. Got rejected? Her loss, but your fault. Take the L, move on to the next roll. It's fine to fail, but fail upwards. Even the best looking, most charming guy you've ever known and met has been rejected. That's just part of being a man.

Edit: also, you're 22. Most 22 year olds don't know how to talk to girls. Female value goes through the roof at this age and then slowly declines. As a 22 year old man, your value starts low and (if you do things right), increases steadily and incrementally until you're in your fifties. Build the strong mental resilience, accrue resources and bring value to people.

gangweedsavedme · 2024-03-22T01:00:04+00:00

You’re only a reject if you stay that way

Affectionate-Ant4888 · 2024-03-21T11:35:53+00:00

you man up and go out and ask more women for numbers and shit, imagine the girl that dumped you, make a clar icture in your mind and then use liquid nitrogen, until she is completely frozen, then smash that shit, make it vivid in you mind lol, and then go out and ask more women, reharse as many times as you need.

CharmingRejector · 2024-03-22T03:17:14+00:00

Five months ago?

I was out with my friend today.

He got badly rejected by this girl. She wouldn't give him her phone number.

Next girl we meet, they hit it off, they go outside for a "smoke" (i.e. they make out), then he comes over to me and whispers that he's leaving with her, but that I should entertain the others a bit so it doesn't seem obvious.

A rejection means nothing. Go meet more women.

Eagerforfreedom · 2024-03-21T21:44:06+00:00

Once you undestAnd a woman’s nature you will always have a woman.. they are not difficult, they fall in love with what they hear!!! LIE LIE LIE PUT YOUR SELF ON A PEDESTAL DONT PUT THEM ON A PEDESTAL

doyouknowshmolik · 2024-03-23T14:23:06+00:00

Your solution is to put yourself out there. Just like that. Next time a girl will have a crush on you, trust me bro, just take the leap of faith.

TRTGymBro · 2024-03-21T10:56:05+00:00

Stop getting rejected.

Title	how do i put myself out there after a rejection?
Author	Cautious_Number_95
Upvotes	28
Comments	33
Date	March 21, 2024 10:17 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bk37e0/how_do_i_put_myself_out_there_after_a_rejection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-put-myself-out-there-after-a-rejection.1512997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1512997

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