How do you not let failure at dating affect your self esteem?

MetaphysicPhilosophy · 2022-09-05T14:19:19+00:00

1) Understand that you are not alone in this feeling. It’s natural for a guy in his mid 20’s to feel this way if he hasn’t dated for a long time (or at all)

2) Understand that it’s not because of things outside your control. It’s because you are not putting in the time and energy to have success in dating. You could easily get weekly dates if you put in the work.

3) Understand that the past doesn’t determine the future. Your past has nothing to do with what will happen tomorrow. If you decide to start taking action today then you can have a future of abundance.

4) Lastly, know your worth. You are worthy as an individual, regardless of whether you have dated or not. The attention and validation of women does not make you more of a man. You are inherently valuable as a man already, and if you are confident with yourself, women will see that.

WTFyow · 2022-09-05T11:49:07+00:00

-Channel it improving yourself and building something you’re proud of.

-question your values and why you believe someone with more dates is better

-improve your style, hygiene and way you carry yourself (do it for yourself)

-accept where you’re currently at and find ways to improve.

-find different areas to succeed in to help with confidence

-improve mindset, ways of thinking, perspective etc (also find a way to deal with the emotional pain if you have any, like a therapist )

Just my advice, hope it helped, there’s always improvements that can be made, you may just not be meeting the right people or putting yourself out their enough and if you’re not the question is why, maybe you have something undealt with that’s holding you back from trying.

sparklingwinepapi92 · 2022-09-06T00:03:52+00:00

I stopped caring about rejection and saw each rejection as a blessing in disguise. Rejections should not be seen as a loss or a missed opportunity, but rather taken to mean that you saved wasting time with someone you are most likely not compatible with.

I subconsciously stopped feeling sad about my failures in dating, and I interestingly enough found that I was bringing that energy in my approaches with women, who smelled it from a mile away.

Initial-Laugh1442 · 2022-09-05T14:20:11+00:00

Humans communicate verbally and non verbally. Most women / girls are shy and, since they are more afraid than us of rejection, when interested in a guy, they communicate it non verbally (body language) and these signs are most often subtle and elusive.

https://youtu.be/jsb7StyCKxk

Other times, flirting is a more open approach bolder women will take. They might say something (usually mildly humoristic), meant to invite you to flirt and then you'll have to play by her rules:

https://youtu.be/r-G2LCz7AyA

I am a relatively old man now but I realised, looking back, that I missed the vast majority of these signs & signals. I have a family and children, so, obviously, I have not missed them all. Chances are that you missed and are still missing these signs of interest, too.

rjones416 · 2022-09-05T22:47:27+00:00

dating isnt everything. its like the cherry on top...you don't need it but it's nice to have. you have a law degree...you're winning at life. you will figure out your dating struggles one day and look back and laugh how you were crying like a bitch over women.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-09-05T14:11:48+00:00

By not investing in the outcome

Ok_Age_1494 · 2022-09-05T17:33:40+00:00

Self esteem come from how you see yourself if you see yourself as loser then you will be loser,,you need to change your perspective

zapadz · 2022-09-05T20:20:13+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHfAMh6Edm4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX4rSFdp1-A

2022-09-05T22:58:56+00:00

Just know that you shouldn’t blame yourself.

A lot of it is not in your control.

SellAdministrative79 · 2022-09-05T23:48:29+00:00

2 word’s [abundance mindset]

c_montalvo20282 · 2022-09-06T00:51:38+00:00

Are you depressed because you can’t get laid or because you feel nobody loves you?

userisauser · 2022-09-06T01:21:23+00:00

You're just feeling scarcity. All you need is abundance.

strangebuttru · 2022-09-06T02:09:35+00:00

Try not to take it personally. I realize that's not easy to do, but don't internalize the interaction. Being rejected it part of the process. It doesn't always indicate that you did anything wrong or something's wrong with you. A lot of it is just bad timing.

stevetronix · 2022-09-06T04:20:36+00:00

I can relate. I had so many funny/sad/disastrous online dating experiences that I turned to writing as my way of coping with these dating failures. I chose to write a book of comedy about all my dating disasters so that I could laugh at the experiences rather than let them bring me down. Writing the book was a really therapeutic experience. I was also able to learn a lot about publishing books on Amazon.

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-09-06T08:55:48+00:00

Just realize that failure is an event not a person. You might have a bad night but it doesn't mean that you're lame. You learn, you grow, you move on and you gonna do better next time. Treat it not as something that reflects who you are, treat as a lesson and you already at a much better place

incognito3107 · 2022-09-06T09:25:10+00:00

It's not the most important thing in the world, many aspects of being an attractive male are not derived from living a happy and fulfilling life. Most people are getting their dates and sex by chance, nobody is teaching basic dating stuff in family or school. So, if you haven't got any luck, you need to rearrange and improve your mindset and appearance by yourself, to get you into dating mainstream.

Jazalush · 2022-09-06T11:12:50+00:00

Hi! I commented on another post but my secondary comment didn’t seem to go through with actual advice! But it applies here too :) once it all happens you kinda realise “oh that didn’t change anything about me at all”. You don’t feel more attractive, more confident. It’s kinda, oh well that’s happened now. If you start working on your self esteem now it will show through. I understand this is a question for the guys, but I can empathise. I was a girl who was early 20s, conventionally attractive, and let my own insecurities keep me away from the dating world (weighed heavy wondering what was wrong with me). It’s once you let go of that insecurity and truly just let life happen that it all kind of clicks. I decided one day to not let ever seeing a pnis (objectively scarier than just having to put something into a vgina) hold me back, go out, interact with people with no expectations. I can say looking back, and looking at my interactions now with men, people who talk to you just like you’re a human make you feel the best! Maybe if your mindset is always thinking about women judging your sexual conquests or thinking about women as sexual conquests it’s clouding how you act around people. Women especially want to connect with someone and, once again, be seen as a human! Feel free to message me once and a while with how things are going if you need a 25F second opinion :)

Title	How do you not let failure at dating affect your self esteem?
Author	Ploikblah
Upvotes	20
Comments	50
Date	September 5, 2022 11:39 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/x6e270/how_do_you_not_let_failure_at_dating_affect_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-not-let-failure-at-dating-affect-your.1250566 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250566

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