How do you overcome rejection?

Important-Quote9544 · 2022-02-17T19:52:39+00:00

In a vacuum, it doesnt matter unless you care. But if you are getting consistently rejected then you need to look in the mirror and assess where you should be making improvements on

NineteenAD9 · 2022-02-17T20:13:08+00:00

Stop. Putting. Women. On. A. Pedestal.

You are building them up to be higher than you in your mind, giving them all this theoretical power over you, and now you're fearful of rejection.

You get over rejection by approaching, getting rejected multiple times (it will happen) and understanding that women are on the same playing field as you.

DivineSwine_ · 2022-02-18T01:26:16+00:00

Years ago I worked at a resort on an island in the Caribbean. I chatted up this sexy chica who was sitting out front each day and we ended up hanging out one night. We were sitting on the dock at my resort, chilling, doing bumps and enjoying ourselves. We moved to the private dock behind her condo and continued drinking, snorting and having a good time. All of a sudden, out of nowhere she stands up and says she has to leave. She does so immediately and I'm left speechless and wondering wtf I did etc. I make my way off the resort property and am heading home when my guts drop. I've got to shit and it can't wait. Diarrhea cut on the coke. I jumped off the path into the bushes and fortunately it was a rare night I had on underwear, they were a suitable replacement for tp. I make my way home, still wondering what happened with this chica as I jump in the shower and clean myself up. Then it hit me in the same way it did when my guts dropped - it was nothing I did. Whatever the coke was cut with made her guts drop too and she had to get away with dignity before she shit herself.

Moral of the story: don't blame yourself, it might just be bad cocaine

Sub-moral: sometimes the other person is dealing with shit you're oblivious to

Urban-art-77 · 2022-02-18T16:45:39+00:00

Rejection is inevitable, just like applying for jobs, or competing for awards, there will be winners and losers. Just because you failed 100x doesn’t mean you’ll always fail.

There are millions of women in the world, you only need one. Unless you want to play the playa game, if that’s the case then you need to do some research and training because ‘fear of rejection’ will NEVER get you anywhere.

But I’m terms of monogamy, understand that more often than not, a woman has already chosen you WELL before you even make a move. So for every rejection just know that they did you a favor because they will NOT match your energy.

Be happy with yourself, build confidence in yourself and your world. Often times living in your own world a woman will make herself known to you if she’s intrigued to be in it. They’ll show signs via body language, their presence around you, or even in subtle communication (I.e. asking some random advise or comment just to get you to talk).

If you are the pursuer just know rejection will happen but it’s GOOD given they do you the favor of canceling themselves out.

Eventually one will have their interests peaked and bite, but DO NOT fight for their affections. Let who you are MAKE them WANT to give it.

The moment you overly pursue catering to them for their affections is the moment they know they can use you and at that point their respect and loyalty to you will die.

Love in your world and be proud of it so that the women who deserve it will share in their efforts to be in it.

Think of it that way and rejection isn’t so bad.

dobbs1997 · 2022-02-17T19:44:04+00:00

Well you gotta ask yourself, so what if she rejects you & tells her friends ? what does that mean for you?

Therocksays2020 · 2022-02-17T19:48:11+00:00

There are an infinite number of women out there

thelambofdeth · 2022-02-17T20:51:00+00:00

I wish I knew the answer to this. The fear of rejection is literally what prevents me from approaching

jenh420 · 2022-02-17T23:22:44+00:00

It's a numbers game

cleetusneck · 2022-02-18T15:14:16+00:00

I have never been good with it, but my friend was the best. He just explained that what he wanted was more important than the little sting of rejection. Dude could approach anyone anywhere and get blown out, and didn’t miss a step. He once walked up to two beautiful women sitting at a table and told the hotter one “I would love to take you home and make love to you tonight”. The response was “ugh -NO”

His response was “how bout your friend” and just stuck out his hand like to help her on a ride.

Friend just took his hand and they left and me and the “ugh no” girl just looked at each other like wtf?

Greatest pickup I’ve ever seen.

keli449 · 2022-02-18T00:49:50+00:00

Smile then walk away. Simple.

rwtan · 2022-02-18T06:30:16+00:00

You never truly overcome it. People say you get used to it but you really don’t. It is personal and it hurts. All we can do is to find the willpower to face the fear. We need to be strong, mentally, just gotta push through

PhilosopherHistorian · 2022-02-18T06:40:45+00:00

You just grow numb to it as happens to you more often. The best thing you can do is hold an abundance mindset and not let singular rejections get to your head much.

Ankwilco · 2022-02-18T09:59:17+00:00

Rejection is redirection.

Also, you're not overcoming anything they do or did. You can only overcome your insecurities. Face the feelings, own them and still find, for yourself, love.

For it takes a brave man to love. Even braver, to love oneself. And what you love, set it free.

Set yourself, then, free of this insecurity.

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-02-18T10:11:17+00:00

You overcome rejection by not taking it personal. Who gives af what some twit thinks of you, or her reason for rejecting you? As long as you’re nice and not a douche, it’s her problem not yours. There’s plenty of women out there that will date you. Just be advised, the women that you’re interested in are not necessarily the ones that will be interested in you. So, if you’re going for 9’s and 10’s get in line ,and the line is long. Just don’t be a tool. Be nice, be friendly and be approachable and the right girl will come around and she might be something entirely different then what you expected.

spicy_simba · 2022-02-18T11:15:00+00:00

Hi there buddy,

It is hard to move when you are holding the earth on your back.

This "i don't want to be single" is likely what is causing you pressure so much that you can not move.

Letting go of this pressure sounds counter intuitive, but it is the key to your liberation from your situation.

Its like you are holding your breath because you feel you are going to drown and suffocate, but you are not in water buddy, you are on earth where it is okey to breath, holding breath is what is holding you back.

Getting rejected does not create bad reputation, it is totally valid to share your feelings to a girl, saying you find her attractive, and asking if she is open to know about each other.

Being mean to people, agressive, and unfriendly will.

The thing is, when you let fear take control of your life, you are going to create imaginary scenarios to hold you from doing something.

These imaginary scenarios are obviously spotted because they tend to exaggeration and catastrophising

"if i fail my life is a failure forever and i will be forever alone"

Which is not true, you can walk today because you fell so many times as a baby, you can talk today because you made so many attempts at pronouncing words as a kid.

These statements might feel true, just like a magic trick our brains can not make the difference between real threats and legitimate valid threats.

When we train our brains to react to anything as a threat, then everything starts feeling scary.

Good news is brains can be retrained, to do the opposite,

Brains do not like to be re trained, just like babies do not like to eat veggies after getting used to sugar,

That does mean it will be hard and very strange at first, your sneaky brain will likely try to create all excuses not to eat the veggies !

but hard does not mean it is not doable. And you do not have to start by eating a 2 KG vegetable,

Start small, start by talking to people, by being friendly, by saying you like them, complimenting what you like in them, asking them to hangout.

Eventually with repetition, these fears will go away.

In the end you will realize, it was never about the outcome of having this girl like you or not, it was always about learning to face your fear, and once you face one fear you will believe you can face more and more, and enjoy the beauty of life.

Eventually someone will like you, but till now, you are the main captain of the ship to liking yourself, might as well take good care of the baby in you, dont be harsh on him, that is useless, be kind, compassionate and feed him some small veggies from time to time.

liuther9 · 2022-02-18T12:44:25+00:00

That's a neat part. You don't

Zeus_xo · 2022-02-18T13:21:33+00:00

Girls should be on the bottom of your list! Stop being needy. Work on your insecurities. Find 1-2 hobbies that you like. Find a job you love! Have fun with your friends. Be happy on your own the rest will follow!

marianoktm · 2022-02-18T14:13:43+00:00

"I have nothing wrong, we just don't match"

It's actually just that, at least for me. When you can truly think this way, approaching someone seems super easy.

If you don't fail and get rejected a tons of time, you'll never succeed. It's just harder for someone.

Keep improving yourself, be WHO THE FUCK YOU WANT TO BE for YOURSELF and not for someone else, just to please them. You'll build confidence this way, and rejection will become something to laugh at.

For the "her telling her friends" part, just listen to The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, they explain it better than me.

Good luck bro. Don't give up.

Southern_Database_61 · 2022-02-18T14:51:00+00:00

Deal with it and push forward or keep getting rejected till you get used to it

hottypotty124 · 2022-02-18T14:55:25+00:00

Honestly mate just don’t break a sweat over it. It is what it is. You shoot your shot and that takes confidence as it is if they shoot you down she simply just isn’t the one nothing personal. Keep at it and you’ll find who you gel with in time. The more graceful you take the rejection by being laid back and understanding that’s what you call sheer confidence. You come first before anyone else so play it like that. Don’t forget your testing them too. Don’t play it like I hope she likes me play it like I hope I like her. Pick her brains make sure she’s who you want. Then just go out and have fun with them

If your getting rejected a lot maybe your not ready. Maybe you still need to get that job promotion your focused on or get that house you were wanting be fully independent then work on dating again. Have fun and be yourself and if it works great if not get back out there again

Conclusion: Not everybody likes you. Be yourself and put yourself out there fully and make sure you like them. Once you do like them HAVE FUN and keep yourself busy

Also the number of woman you sleep with does not mean your a womaniser. The majority of them could be way below your standards and some you wouldn’t even be interested in anyway. I’m very fussy with who I date and I keep it that way. It saves wasted time

Various_Bass_7553 · 2022-02-18T15:04:42+00:00

Ahhh the age old question. It’s not easy, let’s get that out of the way. Remember that everybody - even brad Pitt - gets rejected at least sometimes. Women in particular have specific physical archetypes of men they are looking for and if you don’t match that then you could just be rejected right away, and that doesn’t necessarily mean you are undesirable to every woman.

Several months ago I was talking to a handsome friend of mine and he was telling me about the seemingly countless numbers of women he’s slept with. Did respect or view of him as a person increase after that? No. I wasn’t really even that envious. Just slightly amused. On the other side of the spectrum do I have less respect for a guy who can’t get laid because he is ugly? No. Look, we all want to have sex and if you just can’t get laid or find a relationship that is unfortunate (I am in a dry spell atm myself), but realize that it’s mostly your ego which is holding you back and fearing rejection. Outside of yourself nobody really cares, and if you handle rejection well and show persistence in the face of adversity people will respect you more for that then being able to bag tons of women without trying.

Coming from a medium/smallish town I am concerned with a girl telling her friends about a failed approach, and one time as a teenager I remember being turned down and it being awkward when her mutual friends brought it later. Particularly unfortunate because I like viewing dating as a science experiment and if I am bold with a woman and it doesn’t work out, how much of the well-water did I contaminate? However, if I am not bold enough and don’t take risk then I will never get into a relationship or have sex. Here are my thoughts: occasionally ask girls out, send DM’s and try things out. Instead of spamming girls cringy stuff on social media or spam approaching like you could in a big city, try your luck every so often when the opportunity arises and find a balance point between being a the local pariah and being single at 45 because you never tried. Depends highly on where you live though. If I was in rural Wyoming and there are 4 single women in an entire county I’d have to play the long game and closely guard my reputation, but if I was in a big city approach approach approach. I am in neither in a rural area nor a big city so I take a middle path. Just some thoughts of mine. Definitely not an easy issue though.

lickwaters · 2022-02-18T17:06:52+00:00

I think caring is important. Like you should maybe understand why you like this girl first before just asking her out. Be genuine about what you like in her. And have a conversation so your illusion of her having the option to make or break your heart will fade away a bit

Zestyclose_Basis_845 · 2022-02-18T18:20:59+00:00

Always remember it’s a part of life rejection sucks but remember it’s building your character and personality . Always think the best ones are rejected the most . I would rather know than living with the fact of not knowing that sucks more .

Neil1398 · 2022-02-18T19:22:02+00:00

By becoming so used to it that it doesn’t matter

Good4herepnp · 2022-02-18T20:35:50+00:00

I overcome rejection by... wait , what ? You don't get rejected and neither do I! Those fuckers rejected themselves before we had the opportunity to withdraw our initial thoughts because deep down that shit wasn't worth it anyway...so like a hangover, grab another beer... don't look back, take that with you and bury it in a little corner of your soul then when you turn 50.. you will realize ur heart is like the fuking pet sematary and things don't grow there the way they once did... but that's why God invented Alcohol; sports, Guns and gave us more pussy to chase * that cost us a rib but fwiw that's a good deal 7 billion people on earth more women than men and .. opps I'm sitting here alone. Fuk .later lol

Total_Obligation_371 · 2022-02-18T20:43:35+00:00

Rejection is inherent to the process of dating. Especially cold approach. Girls will reject for several reasons not related to you at all. I have done over 7,000 approaches in my life and have gotten over 200 lays. I've seen every type of rejection and every type of scenario that could possibly come up when it comes to approaching, dates, escalating once back at my place, etc. Here's a rough breakdown of why a guy would be getting rejected at various points in the process.

Out of 100 approaches:

40 will already be in a relationship or involved with another guy in some way. Whether it's husband, boyfriend, friends with benefits and she doesn't want another one, etc. So that's already a 40% rejection rate no matter what, and it has nothing to do with you.

Another 30 will just not be in a state conducive to dating someone. Maybe they are focusing on school or career, maybe they are just in a bad mood that day or week, maybe something happened that is negatively emotionally affecting them, etc. So now we are already up to a 70% rejection rate, again for reasons not at all related to you.

The remaining 30 are the ones that have a chance of giving you their number. But even giving a number does not guarantee anything. Girls give their numbers out for several reasons. Maybe they are just being polite, maybe they are giving you their number so that you will go away and end the interaction, maybe they just liked the interaction and like the emotional validation of them giving their number out. There's so many reasons. Don't try to impose logic on it, girls are not logical when it comes to relationships.

Of those 30 girls, maybe about 10-15 will actually respond to you. Of those 10 to 15, anywhere from 5:00 to 10 of them will actually come out on a date. The other ones will stop responding at various points. The most common point they stop responding is when you actually ask for the date. Again, don't ask why a girl would even bother responding to a text and then not go out on the date. Girls do not operate on logic. They operate in the moment. They like the validation of texting so they will continue texting, and then when you ask to meet up, they will just ghost.

And then of the approximately eight girls who actually go out on the date, only one third to one half of them will actually hook up with you at some point.

So on average, assuming that you look at least slightly above average, and have a decent amount of confidence, which will be built up over time after doing a whole bunch of approaches and a whole bunch of dates, and actually go for the pull and invite them back to your place and try to hook up with them on the date, you will hook up with approximately 3% of all the girls you approach.

The numbers can vary depending on different circumstances. Maybe your percentage is only 1% or maybe you're pretty good and it's 5%. But it almost never gets above that.

Anyone who tells you that hooking up is not mostly a numbers game does not hook up that often. Whether it's online or through cold approach, you will get rejected and ghosted significantly more than you have positive outcomes.

You getting only one girl's number and just that one girl ghosting you is honestly laughable to me. I'm not saying this to be a dick, I'm just saying that if you actually want to hook up with girls, you really need to increase your tolerance to rejection. I get ghosted 5 to 10 times just on a weekly basis. But I also hook up with one to two new girls a week. All the other ones that rejected for whatever reason at whatever point in the process I don't care about.

If you think that's too much effort or if you think I have bad game or whatever, that's fine. Continue thinking that it's too much effort and I will continue thinking that it's not and actually hook up with girls. I promise you that when my dick is inside of a girl I'm not thinking about how I have bad game or how it doesn't count or how it was too much work.

Edit - I just want to emphasize how these numbers are just rough estimates to highlight the point that you will get rejected at whatever point in the process exponentially more than you will get hookups.

fourwindsgold · 2022-02-19T04:35:06+00:00

Go to a club and learn to get rejected where there is no consequence. Getting rejected by girls in your friend group sucks way more

2022-02-19T09:30:09+00:00

Accept it, learn from it, do better next time

Title	How do you overcome rejection?
Author	Fabulous_Finish2161
Upvotes	16
Comments	50
Date	February 17, 2022 7:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/suxc5v/how_do_you_overcome_rejection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-overcome-rejection.1266525 https://theredarchive.com/post/1266525

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