How should I physically escalate as a dude with high functioning autism?

Meleu · 2016-03-20T10:16:18+00:00

For holding hands you can first start by brushing the back of your palm against hers while walking. Do this a few times and then slowly move to hold her hand. Once you got her hand, keep walking like nothing happened. Just be cool about it. You can smile to her though and talk obviously.

Same with the hand around shoulders while you're sitting on a bench. You can start by putting your arm on the bench-thingy where your back is against (can't find the name of the thing atm). You can place your arm and hand in a way that only your fingers are touching her shoulder. If she doesn't move and let's your hand where it is, or moves closer. You can put your arm around her, just do it at a normal, calm speed. Don't move to drastically, keep the movements smooth.

I don't know if this helps.. if you have any questions go ahead.

raimondi1337 · 2016-03-20T11:06:54+00:00

Ever seen Bo Burnham's stand up? He often segues jokes smoothly by addressing the segue blatantly instead of trying to actually be smooth about it.

"Isn't it super cliché when a guy does the yawn thing to put his arm around you? You know like-" fake yawn, actually put your arm around her

"Let's see if this is awkward or not-" take hand while walking

Shows confidence and completely removes the pressure to be smooth.

Spore2012 · 2016-03-20T11:07:59+00:00

If you come out the gates as a touch Feely guy it also makes things easier. Fake it until you make it. Greet new people with hugs, poke and play hit people during convo, throw arms around shoulders, grab people from behind like you know them, etc.

TheTeenSaltine · 2016-03-20T14:53:55+00:00

I always keep everything sort of funny and light. I'll say something like "Hey, can you hold this for me?" And then just stick out my hand. It typically makes them laugh and they'll hold your hand. I'm not really one to just beat around the bush by just ever so slightly working my way up to doing it. So this way makes it funny and casual while getting straight to the point. When putting my arm around a girl, I just do it. If you are sitting close enough that you two are touching then she probably won't be calling you out on it anyway.

TumblrPTSD · 2016-03-20T09:59:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

mvpete · 2016-03-20T15:29:30+00:00

I always just come up with a reason to hold their hand. For instance, I took a woman to an event that was very crowded, I said "You better hold my hand so I don't get lost" and grabbed her hand. Then you can go arm around her. You wanna get close for a kiss, tell her a secret, it doesn't have to be a secret, just a stupid fact or something. It's just so you can get her comfortable with your face near hers. Then you can say, "can I tell you another secret?" -- kiss.

Anyways -- long story short I usually just come up with a stupid reason, it's not like they don't know, but it takes the awkwardness away with something cute/funny.

IANAPUA_Yet · 2016-03-20T15:35:50+00:00

What are the steps from "Walking side by side" to holding hands?

You reach out and take her hand. It's really that simple. The tricky part is knowing when to make the escalations.

Class 1 Do these pretty much any time on any date. They're perfectly harmless. Even if you completely misread the situation, the worst thing she's gonna do is say, "No, let's just be friends."

Class 2 Do these with any girl that's been receptive to your Class 1 kinos. If she's staying close to you, making heavy eye contact, and/or reciprocating the kino, that all counts as "receptive".

Class 3 Same deal. If she's receptive to Class 2, give Class 3 a shot. If you jump straight from zero to Class 3, you might get slapped, but if you're working your way up the ladder, the worst you're going to get is a "slow down". If you don't get told to slow down occasionally, it means you're not going fast enough.

I dont want to lose another great girl because I didnt know how to make a move properly

Ya gotta lose that mindset. You will make mistakes as you're learning to kino and that will scare some girls away. That's life. If this is something you want to learn, you have to be ok with the process. Hell, even if you get really good at this stuff, you're still going to miscalculate at times because this isn't an exact science. Every situation is unique.

Big_TX · 2016-03-20T22:00:09+00:00

Always use Man to Woman frame, not Friend to Friend frame. (unless you are doing indirect old school game, which is way more complicated and generally considered out of date. )

You can just go for it. It's ok. It's masculin to take charge. You can stand up and hold you your had, then she will take it. Then y'all can walk and you can lead. Then you can stop and like spin her, or put her hand on your shoulder your hands behind her back (put her hands behind your back. Or spin her and wrap her hand behind your beck. Anything to make y'all square up and be closer. Then you can look at her eyes and talk, to build tension then go kiss her or go in and kiss her.

You also do not have to go through the Escalation Latter. You can go from handholding to kissing. You don't have to rich her legs first.

Here is the biggest thing. You don't have to worry about accidentally kissing her when she doesn't want it. it's impossible. They have guys mis read situations on tv and kiss a girl when she doesn't want it, then she gets mad. That's not physically possible in real life. She can just turn her head then you can pull back and it not a big deal at all. And it won't ruin anything you build with her.

Also you can sit down somewhere and put your arm on the top of the bench/booth/sofa and say "come her" and she will sit and lean into you.

Girls really like affection. If the context is that it is a man to woman date and you got her out again, she wants you to go for it. If it's like a tinder first date you can text it by getting close and Intimate and looking into her eyes. If she looks at your lips she wants you to kiss her

StupidJoeFang · 2016-03-20T15:09:56+00:00

All the comments here are very helpful. My question that OP and I might have trouble with is reading when the girl is feeling it and would not be weirded out by the handholding or kiss. What are some signs we should look for or situations to create to see if the escalation is welcome or if she'll be turned off?

FortitudeCreed · 2016-03-20T18:04:34+00:00

Wayne dating on youtube

nerdswithgirls · 2016-03-20T19:43:37+00:00

If I was you I would just try every move out that comes to my mind. This is the only way you'll learn: By analyzing the direct feedback that you get.

If a girl was weirded out by my moves, I'd just straight up admit that I have autism and apologize to her. Boom, you should be good.

Rake00 · 2016-03-21T03:26:00+00:00

I also used to struggle alot with this. And you are right - when walking beside a girl, just suddenly grabbing her hand IS awkward. In my opinion, lines such as "My hand is so cold" etc are too cheesy. I have found a way to make it very natural, here is how exactly:

You can use this when you are going to a new location with the girl. Let's say you have just been to a bar and want to go to a new bar. What you do is the following: Say something like "I know this great bar around the corner". When you are outside and ready to begin walking, you say "it's, uhm.. that way!". Here is the key: While you say this, you point in the direction with one hand and stick the other hand behind you for the girl to grab. Don' even look at the girl when you do this. This works because it will seem very natural and non-needy. It's almost like you are 100 % sure she will grab your hand. IF she doesn't immediately grab your hand, do the following: Turn around and look at her and say "Let's go" while still holding your hand out for her to grab.

This is basically the key to all physical moves. Make them seem natural by keeping talking and not looking at her while doing them. You will appear less needy. Now here is how you can handle rejection in an elegant way in case she still doesn't grab it after the method above:

Tease her by sarcastically saying something like "Ohh, no touching on first date, I forgot". Then step away from her and say "ok, at least 1 meter space between us". She will probably start laughing. And you can keep teasing by saying stuff like "ok, this is the free zone", while drawing and imaginary line with your hand between you and the girl.

That is basically a fool proof way to holding a girls hand. I can also recommend the following video for some nice touching moves and how to apply them: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmZa-dtruFI

erythrocyte666 · 2016-03-20T22:28:36+00:00

Entirely out of curiosity, what things are you high-functioning in? Is it like math, art, music, mechanics or something?

FJHUAI · 2016-03-20T23:20:41+00:00

Buddy one of the only things that has worked for me is to sit on her bed and tell her how comfortable it is, then tell her to make you get off (her bed). This has to be done seductively.

dutchbookmkrr · 2016-03-20T13:53:59+00:00

You just need to get away from the idea that women are some kind of safe that you need to crack the combination for with all these steps and get to the mindset that women actually want to fuck.

If she likes you, she wants you to play with her tits. If you don't, you are signalling to her that she is not that desirable in your eyes.

If you have a nice date, get her alone and don't go for the kiss you are letting her down.

I don't do "kino" and all this bullshit just to make out. You can see on this forum that it has grown into some kind of amateur mistake, using the wrong mind set that a woman is a safe that you need the combination for.

Title	How should I physically escalate as a dude with high functioning autism?
Author	TumblrPTSD
Upvotes	116
Comments	50
Date	March 20, 2016 8:19 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4b6uz4/how_should_i_physically_escalate_as_a_dude_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-should-i-physically-escalate-as-a-dude-with.1404252 https://theredarchive.com/post/1404252

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