How to stop getting attached and obsessed so quickly

AcrossTheShimenawa · 2024-12-06T07:40:20+00:00

Yo broski. Dating coach of 8+ years, 2 psych degrees.

Though it's not the most common one, what you're dealing with is an archetype many younger guys fall into (I'm assuming you are late teens to mid 20s, but correct me if I'm wrong).

I'd ask you to post more details about yourself; Specifically your age, what you do for work, and the absolute hardest thing you've ever accomplished in your life.

There's several different ways to tackle this issue depending on your personality. For me personally, I had to go through all of them to nip this in the bud. I went through what you're describing, and rest assured this never happens to me anymore. In fact, I have more self control than most people (especially redditors ;), and when I do fantasize about a woman I look forward to it because I know I've found something special.

The attraction you feel towards a woman is not necessarily the problem, it's more so if you have enough self control despite the emotions you're feeling.

There's 3 main angles here.

As you've mentioned you meditate. That's perfect. It will give you a level of emotional control few experience. Question is how long and how often you practice. You may need to increase the level of discipline to enhance your mental control. What it looks like is simply having enough conscious control over your attention and thoughts, that when these intrusive thoughts come you're able to observe them and then toss them out. Over time, they will reduce in intensity and quantity, and then eventually disappear altogether. The problem now is that you're allowing these thoughts to build up one after another, as a result of this you feel the needy emotions in your body, and this further drives obsessive thoughts. It's a feedback loop.

Secondly, I ask what you do for work because - this can also be a symptom of not having anything else occupying your masculine drives. When I am working on something important I simply don't have time to worry about women. With a large purpose, it is all consuming and will necessarily require every morcel of stength I can muster. These kinds of projects usually come in seasons, but the kind of developments they give your character stay. Going through bouts of extreme challenge or negative emotion is very much good for us guys, for our maturity and growth. It puts hair on your chest and gives you experience navigating stormy seas. That is also why I ask what's the hardest thing you've done in your life.

Lastly, I would recommend therapy. If you're a creative type, specifically look into depth-psychology or Carl Jung. His approach is not for everyone, but when it works, it works wonders. I could assume you have a somewhat distant relationship with your father and a close relationship with your mother based on your post. I'm not guaranteeing I'm right, but the point is there are certain patterns these thoughts fall into that are indicative of upbringing and trauma. Which is good news because it means you're far from the first to go through this, which means there are answers already out there.

Feel free to DM me if you'd like more help.

Best of luck.

Amaran345 · 2024-12-06T13:14:40+00:00

Anxious attachment, this will make you obsessed with avoidants, women that flake, ghost and that show disinterest, like a moth to a flame, they are the flame that will consume your every thought.

You will need therapy so that you can identify your anxious behavior patterns and apply the corrections, this may take a long time until your brain rewires into secure, at which point you will self correct automatically

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-12-06T07:44:50+00:00

Attachment issues usually come from a deeper and darker place; like your upbringing.

Try to remember how you spent your childhood.

Did you get neglected/abandoned a lot by your parents?
Did your parents favor your sibling over you? So you always have the need to seek love and validation from them?
Did you watch a lot of romantic movies growing up, so in the back of your head you think those scenes are what love life should be?

BeyondBordersBB · 2024-12-06T15:18:12+00:00

Always tell yourself that it's probably not going to work out, accept it, and enjoy whatever happens regardless. Not to be pessimistic but rather to avoid getting your hopes up while also teaching yourself to enjoy the reality of the moment (as opposed to some fantasy of the future that currently only exists in your head).

Think about it this way.

Telling yourself it will end in one way or another is actually the truth. Because even if things did work out, it's still all temporary. You would hurt each other someday. You would get jaded and sick of her shit, no matter how hot she is.

You would likely grow apart eventually, break up someday or divorce. She will still die someday, as will you, as will all of us... and the world will move on and our lives will be forgotten.

Love is fleeting. Life is fleeting.

Try not to expect too much from it and you'll find it easier to appreciate what you do get.

This may sound a little woo woo but it's essentially an exercise in Stoic philosophy, which offers a lot of great tools for emotional control. Read up on it, if you haven't already.

I would also recommend looking into Albert Ellis and his talks on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.

chuy2256 · 2024-12-06T13:38:54+00:00

You have to take the pussy off the pedestal bro

FukRehab · 2024-12-06T11:07:52+00:00

Sounds like you have anxious attactment

Accurate_Advance6903 · 2024-12-06T13:01:38+00:00

Do you suffer from limerence?

cemj86 · 2024-12-07T03:24:35+00:00

Love yourself.

Though this answer is too simple for everyone here when I say it.

Jaydencarter2635 · 2024-12-06T10:21:07+00:00

Keep going how u going life will give you the right lessons to stop obsessing over people

madmaxfromshottas · 2024-12-06T20:27:31+00:00

more options, i don’t know how but women can literally sense when you are desperate , not only that you just need to be working towards something else in life instead of giving the woman all of your time and your just sitting there waiting for a reply back.

skunkmere · 2024-12-07T03:40:19+00:00

Date more and deal with the feelings.

Old-Refrigerator-522 · 2024-12-07T04:00:52+00:00

Get more women

chocolex23 · 2024-12-07T10:26:26+00:00

Yea same. I get attached or obsessed with girls (and guys too) easily. Sometimes after looking at a girl a few times i get obsessed that i keep getting thoughts of her.

Or if she's around me and I've talked to her a few times I'll get attached to her and would look forward to more interactions and might feel sad if those interactions don't happen or if they interact with other ppl. Idk what's wrong with me.

burncushlikewood · 2024-12-06T12:27:06+00:00

You need to develop an abundance mentality, easier said than done, it also isn't a bad thing to catch feelings as long as she reciprocates, but if you find yourself too attached while she isn't at all that's bad. My advice is just try to focus on other tasks, career, school, sports, exercise, and give her lots of space

Aftercot · 2024-12-06T15:18:23+00:00

So apparently it's called anxious attachment, and I don't have time to get appointments or the money for therapy, so chatgpt is helping me process my emotions. I get very sad to the point of tears even if people I know for few days go away to another place, or friends...so you can imagine what happens for someone I like.. I don't want to, but subconsciously I give off such a vibe that suffocates them

SamEurodyne · 2024-12-06T23:52:23+00:00

Simple: get a life

Steve77307 · 2024-12-07T20:51:08+00:00

Giving a bit of a different take here. Are you sure what you’re feeling is obsessiveness? Or could it just be normal attraction and excitement when dating? From what you’ve shared, going on dates, seeing multiple girls, and even having sex with them, it actually sounds like you’ve got a good level of abundance already, which doesn’t typically line up with "neediness."

Instead, maybe shift your focus to flipping the dynamic. How can you make the girls more obsessed with you

Ampboy97 · 2024-12-06T17:09:51+00:00

That’s called a preoccupied attachment style dude it’s pretty normal

jack_sparow17 · 2024-12-06T18:58:25+00:00

Your post spoke through me.

Title	How to stop getting attached and obsessed so quickly
Author	luotenrati12
Upvotes	121
Comments	44
Date	December 6, 2024 7:18 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1h7vw7e/how_to_stop_getting_attached_and_obsessed_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-stop-getting-attached-and-obsessed-so.1537756 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537756

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