I asked someone out for the first time ever and got shut down HARD, I think she's afraid of me now. Can you guys please help me learn from this.

2018-10-15T04:35:09+00:00

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tyrico · 2018-10-15T04:33:31+00:00

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DrBalance · 2018-10-15T04:39:31+00:00

I've been through the same except a girl I worked with. I knew the girl liked me due to how she looked at me and always talked with me. Then I got all nervous and made a Big Deal about it because I had to try to Make A Move. Basically, 'asking out' a girl in a serious way suddenly makes it a big decision for them, they're no longer going with the flow and having fun, you're putting everything on them. It makes you look weak.

alyaaz · 2018-10-15T06:23:24+00:00

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2018-10-15T05:40:00+00:00

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wylles · 2018-10-15T07:41:16+00:00

I suggest, Dont make a big deal About it, Ive been there... "what did I do? did i Act too Awkward? Too Creepy? Did I say the wrong Stuff? Did I hurt her?" Sometimes things just dont work out, and probably for the best... I think you were starting to get infatuated with her, you got hooked on her eyes, and thats it, It all went south already, Im not saying its impossible to regain her interest, but I guess you are feeling quite uncomfortable about what to say to her now, how to act, etc. Just stop getting close to her, stop trying for a good while, take her out of your head man, Im NOT saying Dont talk to her ever again, cause I think youll be seeing her in that place you go to (internship?workplace?) just step away from her for a little while, dont look for her, dont try to help her, anything, she wont be interested, it will be awkward... but, do Chill about it, just let it flow, it didnt work out, it shows with these last situations that happened, as it has been said, give her space man, only talk to her if Absolutely necessary (work related), very kindly, but do not ask for extra conversation, again, be very chill about this, She is not the last pretty/beautiful/gorgeous woman you will meet in your life (again, Ive been there, It has happened to me like, 5 times been there, then It just passes, I meet someone new, make new friends,etc)(Ive had more than one girlfriend, have gone out with girls, etc) It sounds dumb, but its best to think about it this way, Its not worth it to overthink about it, about what happened, etc. If you can find any extra activity, course, event(Music/Art/Science/Cultural/Sport/Craft) you can go to, or enter, use that to think about new and interesting things, and meeting new people, cheers mate

BonvivantNamedDom · 2018-10-15T07:51:30+00:00

You did a lot wrong. Run after her, immediately jumped to her, asked if SHE was ok with it, even though she said "yeah lets have coffee".

She is the center of your concerns, and that is not good.

IntoFear · 2018-10-15T06:33:25+00:00

I wanted to add some clarification to the advice that many others are giving since I noticed a lot of people simply just saying "Next!".

At this point just take the lesson and do what you think is the right move, which gives her as much space as possible as you had mentioned, it may suck but try not to revive any friendship or feelings you guys had for a while. If she wants to talk again and feels comfortable, she will come to you. For now, you should focus on your program maybe even if you start excelling in the program without giving her much notice she might come back around (women usually flock to success and get curious when they don't receive the attention they once had)

Also, usually touching a girl on the arm might be a little forward and her already being uncomfortable makes her more uncomfortable. But you handled it well by still apologizing and keeping it brief.

Tl;dr Give her space

greenlittleman · 2018-10-15T07:43:50+00:00

"I really don't know what to do" What to do to achieve what? You should stop trying to impress her or try to get in her panties, or try to make her your gf, whatever. Take attitude what you need nothing from her and not afraid of anything she could do or say, just be yourself. "I'm fine if you don't like me or not interested in me, I don't need anything from you and just do what I feel like to do and say what I feel like to say". Let go of your desire to be closer to her, you don't need it. Your priority should be being comfortable in yourself and express who you are instead of "win her approval" or having sex with her.

Ikuyas · 2018-10-15T08:25:58+00:00

Yeah, "We should go on a date" is a mistake (as you know). But the thing is that you have thought too much about her and have built too much anticipation with no, nothing confirmation/preparation. Your ice cream thing could happen to anyone not specifically to you.

Okay, I guess I don't have to condemn you on what you did. You think about this too much because you have not talked to/approach to women enough. You constantly need to talk to/speak to new women every day to improve some interaction skill. It could be just say hi, or compliment the ear rings or T-shirt design, scurf etc. You will also learn how to put you and a woman one-on-one in a very natural way instantaneously. By the time you do this 500 times (a month), you probably don't think about her at all. Then, after 3 months, you could talk to her and it could go fine, but again you probably don't even think about trying to talk to her. So, this behavior strategy just wins.

Then, you have got to learn the way to ask for a number and get a date(hangout). You watch some Youtube videos on dating, and read PUA book and so on, but you can do that as things go on.

Let me know if you need some more advice.

wisdomo · 2018-10-15T03:42:53+00:00

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jackred1 · 2018-10-15T06:52:58+00:00

Just move on, ur making this a bigger deal than it is, and understand that she doesnt want to stop doing whatever she is doing to talk to eevery guy who thinks asking her for a date is worthy of emotional talk.

DjCbal · 2018-10-15T13:55:34+00:00

Labels. Just say, “hey we should get coffee after class, i know this x,y, z” .. doesnt matter. But yea, labels.

ZVass · 2018-10-15T14:08:59+00:00

Everything you have said here is fine. Don't worry and move on. It's not your fault, you were clear and honest from what I've read.

Ericgzg · 2018-10-15T15:35:09+00:00

Bro, a couple things:

1) This was your first try asking someone out, you are definitely going to suck at it at first just like EVERYTHING else. Keep trying and eventually you will get it down.

2) You are way over-invested in this one particular girl. You cant hide this fact and it reeks and it repels girls quickly for all the right reasons. In a pretty girls world she is going to have a lot of options and is looking for a guy who, among other things, also demonstrates he has lot of options. Keep practicing, keep working on yourself and move on to other women. Forget about this one.

Eventually youll realize being the guy who has developed himself and has a lifestyle that attracts women is a more worthwhile and interesting goal to work at than the actual women themselves. Good luck.

titanicx · 2018-10-15T15:57:14+00:00

Move on? Sounds like she didn't like you like that is all, not a big deal. If that question threw her off like that then oh well, it's not on you.

WhatMixedFeelings · 2018-10-15T14:33:17+00:00

Stop apologizing all over yourself. Makes you look weak and desperate.

autumnwolf27 · 2018-10-15T14:43:12+00:00

congratulations on overcoming the fear and asking her out. It was messy for me at the beginning as well.

Just try to develop the skill of reading body language. If it's a positive welcoming vibe, you can start with small talk and then ask her. If you don't find her body language any positive or welcoming, don't bother.

Consider this a step ahead! Congrats again :)

poprer656sad · 2018-10-15T15:40:06+00:00

Even if she the love of ur life idt you should be chasing that hard after all these years. If your upcoming event is formal then keep it formal. If it’s like a mingle then mingle, not just with her. Maybe with the dozens of other people. She’ll know you’re ignoring her if you do so but that’s like the least awkward path right now and no one else is gonna judge either way.

WhatsReddit123456 · 2018-10-16T00:22:20+00:00

I think it's safe to say she is not interested.

Ballsortahard · 2018-10-22T01:21:11+00:00

u/recyclablebanthas

Hey man, if you're busy no worries. But I would love some constructive criticism.

ImJustSo · 2018-10-15T15:28:31+00:00

Tl;dr: you rejected a woman and then feel awkward afterwards because you think she rejected you.

Superb_Pumpkin · 2018-10-15T16:45:16+00:00

I guess she really didn’t like what you said after she asked you “why?”

You just gotta tell the truth and say you like her and want to know her better.

But the bigger mistake is probably approaching her more and apologizing. You don’t ever want to apologize to a girl unless you seriously did something horrible, then the apology holds more weight. 99.9% of apologies with women seem to be useless. It puts her on a pedestal.

So her little “why?” shittest tripped you up, and the apology stuff dug the hole 10 times deeper.

That being said, you TRIED and went after what you want, putting you ahead of 97% of men. Your work will pay off and you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised with how well you eventually do.

Cocoathunderz · 2018-10-15T19:58:53+00:00

Play Dragonball fighterz until your nose starts bleeding for a week to ten days. Should forget about it by then actually you should just want to play some more Dragonball and when you do and you see this beautiful bodacious woman for at least a couple seconds you'll be trying to remember how to get that T.O.D. combo with your team for when you smack scrubs up later and by that time it'll be too late she's like "hello?! Anybody in there?" And you like "oh whoops, what's up" and she like " oh so he got over me? Hmm" and then you fuckin do your shit yo.

Edit: Ask her to do something real simple again like getting ice cream or just hang out somewhere next event at your school or something.

ejpusa · 2018-10-15T14:19:00+00:00

A few tips from a senior citizen. Who is flooded with dates. :-)

Do not say a specific day, I use “how’s your calendar this week?” Options! Wed, coffee is like a straight jacket. Provide at least 2/3 options.
NEVER (or very rarely) bring up the past. It useless. It’s gone. PLEASE read or audio book, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle. Audio book is best. Will change your life. Guaranteed.
Just say hello, there are zillions of potential dates.
You are being programmed by DNA to reproduce. That’s just reality. Would you go out with her if no sex was on the plate? Doubtful. Maybe change that mindset? It’s tough I know, but when you least expect it, you may have a weekend in bed.
All women are beautiful, no matter who they are. Females have a shared “radio”, they communicate to each other. Be nice to all women, and you’ll be swamped with dates.

To tell you the truth, I really enjoy being single. It’s so awesome. But that’s me, my 55 inch TV, and Roku. And understand the population needs to grow.

Who knew how much coolness hangs out on Netflix?

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