Introducing my job

marco161091 · 2011-12-12T19:09:27+00:00

"I break into places."

Arrray · 2011-12-12T18:12:47+00:00

Dude thats actually pretty sick... just tell em you're a hacker... then just go with it and say you do inside jobs for the mob and what not, hacking russian satellites, and nuclear compounds, etc. Then after a while if they press it you can tell em the truth, or if they don't you can both have a laugh later when she says something like "what? i thought you told me you're a hacker..."

beiOnkelKoefteGrill · 2011-12-12T20:46:41+00:00

know what YOU find fascinating about being a hacker and put it into one sentence without using the word computer.

…but maybe that's too honest.

TheGamble · 2011-12-12T20:52:33+00:00

Professional response: "I manage security/I'm a security consultant."
Mysterious response: Use Tradman's "professional criminal" bit. I like that. You could spruce it up a bit with "I'm a professional criminal" when they look at you weird, follow up with "I get paid to break security."
Playful response: "You know those guys that take apart their favorite toys just to see how they work? I get paid to do that."
For example, I work with satellites for a living, specifically at fixing problems and making things possible. It's very, very geeky. I usually point south to the equator and say "34,000 miles that way, there's a piece of equipment that I manage from here." or "I'm a crisis resolution expert." or even "I manage communications to a multi-million-dollar infrastructure in space." Get creative. Never lie, unless it's ridiculous. "Know the guys that paint bananas yellow? Yeah. I manage that company."

Ninja: Or, you could just not tell them. Shift with "What, you trying to get a feel for my bank account? Don't worry, we'll send our kids to Princeton."

testmypatience · 2011-12-13T06:23:00+00:00

Her: What do you do?

You: I'm a contract hacker. I hack into corporate computers and fuck shit up.

Her: You serious?

You: It's pretty sweet gig.

Tradman · 2011-12-12T19:35:05+00:00

say you're a professional criminal or something like that. The turn off or the confusing part for women is when you mention computers, so just describe what youre doing in a physical metaphor, but dont diminish it, it's a cool job.

bogdan_trollzynski · 2011-12-13T22:13:44+00:00

Seriously man? Have you never heard our jobs referred to as "penetration tester" ? It's on my business card. Fuck yeah.

amyers · 2011-12-12T20:57:53+00:00

"I work with computers and the internet, geeky stuff... You don't happen to have a geek fetish, do you? :p"

"I'm a computer nerd, a company pays me to try to break into their systems so they can make sure it's secure for our customers... so if you decide to cheat on me when we get married you'd better not do it over the internet... I'll catch you!" <- something like this, it has to come out naturally though so you could word it differently.

Girl asked me about my job...

Me: "web development/marketing.. geek stuff... you've got a geek fetish don't you?" Her:":) actually i do.. but you're in shape, so I thought you'd be more into sports... did you play any sports in high school? - Me: "Just quiddich" Her: "LOL!!! Wow! a lil too geeky for me" Me: "I had to look that up on Google to even make the joke, you already knew what it was... so who's the real geek here?"

totalradass · 2011-12-12T21:26:36+00:00

If you find yourself saying more then one sentence in a row explaining what you do for work, then you are probably displaying lower value. You should always downplay what you do, it comes off wayyyyy better. If they ask you early just say super straight faced.

I'm a computer hacker.

(give her the dwight schrute eyes)

when she cracks just say don't laugh at me... "I'll hack into your myspace and post your naked pictures all over the internet. Wait myspace is still a thing right?"

If she asks later be more serious, but still only one or two sentences. If she wants to know more let her ask.

2011-12-13T02:25:38+00:00

Whatever, that's an awesome job. Don't downplay it with grownup speak.

Just say you're hired to test security systems because of a unique skill set that you possess, and that you can't discuss it any further. It's true and it sounds fucking boss.

Don't even necessarily say it's computer security.

BusStation16 · 2011-12-13T03:52:25+00:00

Seriously? You can't spin that? That is easy a piss to make sound cool.

spareacct · 2011-12-16T03:05:51+00:00

You need to come up with a way of describing your job that isn't too technical, but isn't boring. Off the top of my head:

"You know in heist movies where they break into a computer and steal crucial information? I prevent that from happening."

"Companies pay me to break into their computer systems so other people can't."

The trick is to come up with something that accurately describes what you do in an interesting way, but doesn't give too much away. Also don't be afraid to say something just technical enough such that the person you are talking to asks questions.

I actually had a great one for my last job, I had various people say in conversations, "Tell X what you do!" It almost always resulted in a conversation about how cool my job sounded and wanting more details (I'm not going to put it here for privacy reasons however).

2011-12-12T18:24:51+00:00

That. I'd also mention that "If I tell you more, I am going to have to kill you dude the clandestine nature of the job... but for the next hour or until you bore me to death, I'd like to keep you alive." Talking about jobs is the least desired/recommended topic. So keep it at minimum, insinuate that you're really passionate about it, provides a comfortable lifestyle and leave it at that, letting her draw her own conclusions.

Snowcean · 2011-12-12T20:49:18+00:00

I have a similar problem in that I have a job that I think is cool (game developer), but no one else except for gamers thinks this is cool. I have tried a bunch of different ways of dealing with this.

The best reaction I have gotten was when I told someone: well have you seen the movie Grangma's Boy? (yes or no, does not matter) Well that is exactly what I do, also, (smiling like this is a joke) all the stereotypes (change this word if you are dealing with a girl that can't handle big words) are totally true.

Keep in mind that I have never seen Grandma's Boy, but I assume that the characters are emotionally stunted nerds. This makes for a great contrast between that and the confident, put together guy that she sees. If she has not seen the move, then she basically gets the message that I do something that goes in movies.

Not saying this is a great solution, I could really use some other ideas, but this is the best I have come up with so far.

So, I don't know, just tell them you hang out on roof swimming pools and make out with early Angelina Jolie.

wubbwubb · 2011-12-12T19:36:59+00:00

Say this "I'm an uber 1337 haxor!" Women love Uber 1337 haxors.

baudehlo · 2011-12-13T03:53:54+00:00

I'm in a similar position: I write anti-spam software (I was lead developer on spam assassin for a while). I just say: I stop spam for a living. Its a great opener as they like to go on about how they have such trouble with that.

So I say you should just say: I stop crime on the Internet.

dirtydbz · 2011-12-13T04:00:17+00:00

I made semiconductors for 10 years honestly most girls don't care what you do as long as you work just dont ever get techinacal and share your intrestests I put windows in buildings now guess what girls love men who work wth their hands doesnet really matter what I do if I share a common intrest with a woman I have a gate way in. hell if your at blizzcon being a hacker is a boon but at a bar or club just tell em your in IT and stop there you have a job and that builds value if the job is all you are that is where your problem lies

choc_is_back · 2011-12-13T13:50:10+00:00

As un-cool as 'computer security auditor' sounds, so cool sounds 'I am a hacker, people pay me to break into computer.'

I don't see what the problem is to be honest, you could be a character straight from a movie.

The_Fart_Of_God · 2011-12-13T13:52:39+00:00

the first time they ask, say you just cook french fries at mcdonalds with a playful grin. Then tell them your real job without making a big deal of it. "I hack into corporate, whatever". The job in itself is good enough to start a conversation so she will obviously ask questions. If she doesn't move on to something else.

That's what I do, I'm conceiving a heart prosthesis.

echosofverture · 2011-12-13T21:49:41+00:00

I usually say "internet" and leave it at that. Women do not care about hacking shit.

beiOnkelKoefteGrill · 2011-12-12T20:46:45+00:00

know what YOU find fascinating about being a hacker and put it into one sentence without using the word computer.

…but maybe that's too honest.

Level_75_Zapdos · 2011-12-13T09:43:55+00:00

I don't see how people could hate on your job, since it seems decent enough. I assume you make good money, which is all that really matters.

Title	Introducing my job
Author	ethguardian
Upvotes	14
Comments	30
Date	December 12, 2011 6:04 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/n9v9m/introducing_my_job/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/introducing-my-job.1325741 https://theredarchive.com/post/1325741

Comments