Overcoming Approach Anxiety: What works/worked for you?

Allahtheprofitz · 2015-10-20T22:45:33+00:00

Put your hand to your heart. You feel that sound? That beating? One day that will stop beating and you will be underground. Forever. There is no coming back.

Do you want to leave a legacy of a man who went out and did what he wanted or that of a man who spent his life in fear?

MrCharleyz · 2015-10-21T01:36:50+00:00

One of the top rated post of seddit this year is about writing a journal of what you did during the day and what you didn't do. Each time I feel very nervous of approaching, I imagine myself ,miserable, writing down that I failed to approach this girl. The thought of that makes me so sad/angry that I just go for it. I feel way better to write down that I talked to her nervously than saying that I was too scared to do it.

nakklavaar · 2015-10-21T03:53:42+00:00

Your stomach is already turning, so you might as well get it done or you'll have felt that way for nothing. If you decide not to approach youre basically saying her opinion of you is more important than your opinion of you, aka rejecting yourself. With approaches, when I'm about to come up, I put this N sticker on her (not literally). Her beauty may stun me, but when I label her as a normal person (the N sticker) I sort of calm down. 8s, 9s, and 10s arent any more significant than than anybody on this Earth. Also, look for something you look forward to doing after the approach. For example, I LOVE Comedy Central. So even if I get blown out or not, I have something that's going to bring joy to me afterwards. Obviously it could be anything, even something like coming home to your loving dog or having a good time with friends that make you happy. The world will keep spinning and life will still be awesome for you. Sometimes I look at pictures of Earth and realize how insignificant the things I do are, even though from the inside looking out they seem that way.

permashred · 2015-10-20T18:58:11+00:00

This or this

psychnerd01 · 2015-10-21T07:01:41+00:00

One great(and shown beneficial in studies ) way to work with this and stress is general is to *re-frame * it.

If your hearts starts racing , palms get sweaty and have this strange feeling in your gut, you usually think something like: "Oh , I'm getting nervous. I hate this feeling. I can't approach someone NOW" Implicit within these thoughts is the asumption that being nervous/stressed is BAD.

Now take that Idea and turn it on it's head.

Next time your hearts starts racing , palms get sweaty and have this strange feeling in your gut, you think something like this:

"Oh, my body is getting stressed. It means my body is getting ready for the challenge. That's what evolution has trained it for. This is exciting to see my body react the way it should. Pump up and get ready."

Don't run from the feeling. Accept it. Embrace it. Feel the body's reaction make you more alive.

dancing_junkie · 2015-10-21T01:42:11+00:00

Stop touching yourself. You'll see how quickly you want to talk to women.

WayOfTheGentleman · 2015-10-21T07:23:00+00:00

One very common (and understandable) mindset of guys is 'I will approach once I've conquered approach anxiety'.

How would your thought processes change if you were to accept that you will always have approach anxiety?

I've been doing this shit for 10 years and I still experience approach anxiety. Admittedly it's not the same as it used to be (it used to be borderline terror and now is more like a hesitation, a laziness), but it's still there.

A more empowering question is not 'how do I overcome AA' but 'how I can be as effective as I want to be in spite of AA?'

I actually did a video back in the summer where I recorded my emotions before going out, and walking into the bar before approaching some girls on this topic and in there you can see how I'm experiencing a slight anxiety, but then it goes away.

It's just your primitive mind's way of trying to protect you from what it thinks could be a dangerous situation. But you know better and you are capable of doing the right thing in spite of your emotions.

To me, that's real confidence. The ability to do what you want in spite of fear. Fear will always be there. What are you going to do about it?

TrinityBay · 2015-10-21T03:34:49+00:00

Go here

There are 8 weeks of increasingly harder daily drills to get over your AA

reddiot666 · 2015-10-21T07:45:54+00:00

There's an ancient proverb: He who self-sucks does not need a woman. He who knows the hand does not know woe.

Tjodleik · 2015-10-21T00:05:08+00:00

For me the key was meditation, in addition to this and this.

To expand on the idea, thing of approach anxiety as a living being. It feeds off your energy and the attention you give it, and the more you focus on it the stronger it will become, even if you only focus on it to try and get rid of it. To make matters worse, if you try to fight social anxiety you're only fighting yourself, and even if you manage to drive it off temporarily it's a battle you can't win. So experience it and try to observe it, all while spending the least possible amount of energy on it, and after a while it will most likely become more manageable.

In addition, here's a little rant by RSD's own Jeffy about the effects of meditation.

kippykups · 2015-10-21T00:41:33+00:00

2 mg bar of Xanax :-)

fruit7 · 2015-10-21T00:58:17+00:00

Approach approach approach

Xperiencedsyd · 2015-10-21T04:58:28+00:00

Be drunk

silver_nuke13 · 2015-10-21T08:42:52+00:00

Desensitize yourself. Imagine the worst scenarios like asking a cute girl for her numbah, she says "haha i wouldn't date someone like you" and everybody around laughing. Then a midget pulls your pants down for everyone to laugh harder at your flaccid dangly man parts.

Feel the embarassment? Good. Irl, any awkward situation would be 10% as bad, you need to realize that people will forget about you on 10 minutes anyway so why give a shit. Counterintuitively, it won't chip but build your confidence. Just approach. And watch out for midgets.

V4refugee · 2015-10-21T05:37:53+00:00

I just watched a movie about child soilders in africa. If kids are able to deal with murdering innocent people approaching a girl seems pretty easy in comparison.

arobotspointofview · 2015-10-21T14:16:47+00:00

My problem is that I don't know what my "goal" is. Sure, I could approach a woman, but then what? I still don't understand why I'm doing it.

I guess sex, ultimately - but I can just pay escorts for that.

The_Music · 2015-10-21T15:46:44+00:00

Just doing it honestly. There's no magic trick. You either suck it up and approach or you don't.

dhgrossman92 · 2015-10-21T16:18:32+00:00

I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned progressive desensitization and exposure yet... Everybody here seems to be of the "sack up and dive in" mindset, which seems like a pretty forceful way to work with something that can be so sensitive

aaken · 2015-10-21T20:51:53+00:00

alcohol is temporary solution.

hugokhf · 2015-10-20T22:29:57+00:00

talk to one stranger everyday, doesn't really matter what u say. Even better if it is a girl or the things you talk about is a bit personal. I used to do that for a period, but stopped now, and I am back to my beta self. Don't know what happened, might start doing that again

yalp051 · 2015-10-21T17:22:26+00:00

Running or jogging towards the girl (and maybe switching to walking right before you get to her) somehow short circuits my AA, like it doesn't give me enough time to think and psyche myself out

Title	Overcoming Approach Anxiety: What works/worked for you?
Author	dhgrossman92
Upvotes	54
Comments	47
Date	October 20, 2015 6:53 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3pj0lz/overcoming_approach_anxiety_what_worksworked_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/overcoming-approach-anxiety-what-worksworked-for.1396258 https://theredarchive.com/post/1396258

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