Should I tell her I'm a virgin?

Shevacai · 2015-10-08T15:07:41+00:00

Telling her 'it's been a long time' is a lie. Not telling her you're a virgin is not a lie, and frankly you don't have to tell her.

I remember reading a response to this similar question a while back, and the guy said to not tell her. Just do your best, stay confident. Let her go on top till you get the flow of things. Read her body language etc.

Don't worry about not lasting long enough or whatever, don't pressure yourself. If you want to, tell her after, but don't 'thank' her for taking your virginity.

full_package · 2015-10-08T15:12:14+00:00

Chances are you're gonna mess up somehow during your first time. Since you'll be nervous you might not get it up or stay up. Or since your dick is not "calibrated" for piv sex, you might come immediately or not be able to for an hour. If you tell her it's your first time beforehand, she'll be more understanding, otherwise she might think something's wrong. And no girl will run away because you're a virgin.

Go to your date and have fun. Set no expectations, but escalate as you should. I wouldn't mention this is your first time until both of you are out of your clothes though.

sedtawy · 2015-10-08T17:25:49+00:00

I didn't tell her when it was my first time. She didn't believe me when I told her afterwards.

I suggest you read up on the sex subreddit. Study up and you'll do very well. Best of luck. Remember to just be confident and whatever happens, don't worry about it. Sex can be funny and it can even be a little awkward sometimes, especially if you're new. Just live in the moment and enjoy the experience, whatever happens.

Murfdigidy · 2015-10-08T15:17:08+00:00

Let me first start off by saying being a virgin at 23 is NOT anything to be shameful of. I was one even later than that, of course your story is pretty much exactly like mine. I'm good looking, plenty of friends, plenty of girl- friends, yet I was a total loser with women until my mid 20s. I think there is so much more advantage to being a virgin later in life verses earlier... Wrong choices, wrong girls, wrong situations all pop up when we're young and naive but now that you're a little older and wiser you can really know that when you're gonna do it you'll do it with someone you really respect or care for, or you just know it's the right time. So get all that insecure virgin bullshit out of your head. Let me tell you and let me tell you straight.... GIRLS ABSOLUTELY LOVE VIRGINS. that's right, girls are so insecure when they're naked to know you're a virgin will make them less insecure, they won't be thinking oh his last girl probably had bigger boobs, his last girl was better in bed, ect ect. You see sex with girls is all about making them comfortable and relaxed. The fact your a virgin helps take pressure off of her to make her less insecure, PLUS SHE'LL be so sentimental about it, she'll want to make sure you totally enjoy the moment because she knows it's your first time.

So to answer your question fuck being insecure about being a virgin, she'll love it. But I wouldn't blurt it out, in fact I'm torn whether you say anything or not. If I were gonna say anything I actually wouldn't tell her until right before you start taking your and her clothes off. Like when your making out and you go to take her bra off or something you may whisper in her ear, btw your my first and smile. She'll be taken back at first but probably then be really flattered. If she's saying anything that makes her back off, say no no I'm ready, you make me feel really comfortable and you are awesome to be around (or some lovey dovey stuff like that), then as you take her clothes off tell her how beautiful she is, do this when clothes are off or coming off since that's the point where girls are most insecure, the more you tell them at that point their gorgeous the more comfortable and fun they'll have. Good luck!

Ps. Don't rush just because you're a virgin at 23, I didn't and I'm so happy I did. And oh btw I can walk circles around my friends who were getting laid in high school now as far as gaming girls goes, good things come to those who wait :-)

SuperiorSeduction · 2015-10-08T23:37:58+00:00

Simple! Since she likes you A LOT already, you can easily tell her!

When I lost my virginity to a girl who was two years older than me, I also told her, and she absolutely loved it!

Though I was 17 at the time, I'm sure that if you KEEP confident, she won't bother and actually most likely enjoy the idea!

Look, women don't care how you were long ago, all they care about is how you are now. Knowing this, you can tell her that for a long time you were very unconfident, but now you completely changed, however, you don't just want to loose your virginity to anyone.

Saying the above will also even make you extremely charming; implying you absolutely like her and think she's awesome.

DON'T Lie about it and don't even hide it! I think you SHOULD bring it up! After all, if you don't, you run the risk of disappointing her since according to what you wrote you are at the moment confident and masculine.

Remember, as long as you confident and charming, and keep taking responsibility like leading and escalating, there's nothing which will turn her off!

Good luck man, you'll fucking enjoy it ;-)

sdonaghy · 2015-10-08T15:07:06+00:00

IF you are dating Honesty is the best policy, but if you are just picking her up maybe not. Also you can still be confident in telling her you still have your v card.

1337syntaX · 2015-10-08T19:28:57+00:00

Don't mention anything unless she asks. Don't lie though and tell her afterwards for sure. Practice putting on a condom beforehand and read up on cunnilingus! If you can't stay hard or finish too fast go down on her and make her orgasm. That way it was still a good experience for her and she'll want a round two

Tab371 · 2015-10-09T09:41:42+00:00

Good luck bro

TheXXL · 2015-10-08T15:32:17+00:00

I feel like I missed so much.

You didn't miss much, sex is cool but it's not the only thing in this world that is great.

I'm pretty optimistic this is the night of the big one

With this mindest you are putting yourself into a state of stress, and you will probably very disappointed if it doesn't happen, so relax! It is not a big thing, sex is something almost all lifeforms do since hundreds of millions of years.

Generally, I prefer telling the truth to lying

This is a very nice quality, but look at it this way: Is it lying if you dont tell her, without her asking you? No. It is just not talking about it. So if she is not asking you, don't tell her. Also, it doesn't matter if you had sex before or not, as long as she (and lastly, you) is satisfied afterwards.

You should really relax and make no big deal about it, then you can escalate to sex and make it a satisfying experience for you both.

edit: almost forgot: if you tell her without her asking, it could come off as being insecure, since you are pretty much asking for forgiveness that you are a virgin. This is a total turn off for most women, and if she should ask tell her the truth, but don't try to explain why etc. make clear that it is no big deal for you, then it will be no big deal for her as well.

Gman54 · 2015-10-09T10:59:57+00:00

I say tell her, but don't blurt it out in a kind of shamed way or out of the blue and out of context. Tell her just as things are heating up towards bed and do it LIKE IT'S NO BIG DEAL. She will follow your lead - if you act cool about it, she'll FEEL your relaxed vibe about it and won't really care too much. If you APOLOGIZE about it or act insecure about it, then yeah she'll probably think your weird or something.

Now I'm talking from experience, I lost my virginity last year at the age of 26. It was probably the best first time anyone could ask for. I told her about my status just as we were heating up but I did it like: "So this is basically my first time but I am more than willing to be a top student in this" in a calm tone with an added knowing kind of smirk to it.

Not only was the first time pretty good all around (for both of us), but the next times were FAR better, as she felt like she wanted to "teach" me all sort of things and she felt free to be her true sexual self as like others wrote here, she didn't think about how I compared her to other girls.

Hell, she even complemented me about how "cool" I was about the whole thing and frankly, she was the one who initiated sex more than me.

So those are my two cents. Stay true to yourself and be honest but cool about it. 95% the girl will follow your lead and just won't really care about it if you act like it doesn't really matter

DaygameCoach · 2015-10-08T15:27:32+00:00

Don't volunteer that info. Only tell her if she asks, which she probably won't unless it's super obvious. Don't lie about it.

Don't worry about bad performance. Confidence is sexy.

time_and_again · 2015-10-08T22:39:54+00:00

I was 25 when I dealt with this and my advice is don't mention it. I didn't and things went pretty well. I think she was honestly more self-conscious than me and said that it had been a long time for her, so I basically just agreed and said "same". It wasn't until the next time, when she brought up cleanliness in regards to STDs, that I told her and... well that just got her more fired up and excited.

So she might have been understanding if I'd told her the first time, but it didn't matter and not telling kept the pressure off. All that said, the relationship eventually ended roughly a year later for pretty vague reasons. I could be wrong, but if a girl knows she's your first, she might be more sensitive to needy behavior. I think whenever you tell her, keep up the strong frame you have and understand that her being first doesn't mean a whole lot.

permashred · 2015-10-08T16:27:13+00:00

Don't tell her you're a virgin. Lying is okay.

melodicsunset · 2022-03-27T21:05:12+00:00

Op update if possible. I would say tell her if you feel the need. At the time of this post it really seem like guys had a judgement free deep conversation going on.

Sufficient-Solid-759 · 2022-06-06T21:16:33+00:00

Don't do it she'll cut you off it happened to me

2022-10-15T15:58:25+00:00

Yes tell her you're a virgin. If she has a problem with that then she can go and fuck herself.

Title	Should I tell her I'm a virgin?
Author	yaniv297
Upvotes	20
Comments	42
Date	October 8, 2015 2:37 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3nz6dw/should_i_tell_her_im_a_virgin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-tell-her-im-a-virgin.1395599 https://theredarchive.com/post/1395599

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