Still can't maintain eye contact

BubbleShip · 2016-08-27T11:04:08+00:00

I'm naturally introverted

Has nothing to do with introversion, man. Introversion is an orientation. There are some introverts scoring more pussy than Brad Pitt out there.

You have social anxiety. I can relate too, and a lot of the stuff on this subreddit is extremely hard to implement for people like us because we lack basic social skills that most people have from the get go.

GrassDash · 2016-08-27T14:26:43+00:00

Increase your general confidence first. Good eye contact will come naturally afterwards. You've heard this countless times; go sport, go meditate, go find a purpose, eat healthy, read (non-fiction) books on psychology, MBTI, self-overcoming, social interactions, create good habits, correct your posture, surround yourself with nice, intelligent, healthy and fun people, etc etc...

I do however have a little method that did help me in my insecure periods: Examine the colour and texture of the iris of the person you're talking to. It pushes the focus away from you and your insecurities and to the other person. But again, poor eye contact is the least of your worries now, go increase the quality of your life first man, you deserve it. I came from the same anxious place as you and got out of it.

P.S. Don't blame yourself for having poor eye contact and don't force eye contact. Forced eye contact is worse than no or little eye contact.

P.S.S Go check out actualized.org, RSD nation, School of life, Art of Manliness, Brendon.com and Mark Bowden on youtube. These channels will push you in the right direction.

I fucking guarantee that after a few months/years of all these things I mentioned, your eye contact will fucking pierce the fucking soul of people (personal experience). Good luck.

dazhealy2 · 2016-08-27T11:36:17+00:00

For the record I'm diagnosed adult ADHD, anxiety, and social anxiety. All of which are related to poor social issues. Eye contact is definitely one of the easiest things to get used to, despite the awkwardness I feel when looking new people in the eye.

Some things I've found that help: Holding eye contact with strangers in the street: Simply maintain their eye contact until they glance away, then continue on as usual. I remember another redditor who used this same advice saying that he wore sunglasses to get used to looking people in the eye first so people wouldn't realise where exactly he was looking and to build up confidence initially.

The corner trick (don't use this when you're in someone's personal zone, work's best at slightly larger distances): Instead of looking directly at someone's eyes, focus on the corner of their where it meets their temple.

Finally their are different "gaze pattern's" that you can use when the anxiety is coming on to strong to break eye contact while still remaining engaged with the person that you're speaking with.

The Social Gaze: What you'd use with friends. Imagine a small triangle on the other person's face between their eyes and upper lip. Focus your attention on maintaining eye contact, then break to looking at the bottom of the triangle around their upper lit.

The Intimate Gaze: This is obviously the most relevant for seductive purposes. Imagine a triangle starting again with the two eyes and extending down towards the woman's chest (don't get caught ogling her tits obviously, unless she's showing some IOI's already). What you really want to be doing here is shifting your attention from her eyes to her lips. This is a strong sign of intent from you, so again be careful how you use it.

Finally, the power gaze (not for seductive purposes at all): This is a gaze that displays confidence and authority, but can also make the other person feel intimidated. Imagine a triangle again, starting with the eyes as two points but this time extended upward to their forehead. Imagine a third eye in the middle of their forehead and keep the majority of your attention there. It can make the other person feel pressured and they may bring their head back, attempting to regain eye contact.

bigfishh · 2016-08-27T15:23:55+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OVZ9xk1B-o

Essentially he's telling you to work harder, and be willing to work harder than others.

Also is it possible I have social anxiety?

You should stop looking for reasons why all of this won't work for you, instead look for ways to try harder.

It comes down to it simply being a numbers game. The more numbers you do, the more comfortable you will be.

Also, most people on this sub started just like you. Why else would they be here? Any natural talent, any extrovert, doesn't have to concern himself with all of this, because by nature he can make it work for him. Thus

I'm looking to get professional advice about it

Most here, have once in their life, been in the same boat as you. Some more, some less. We all have seen rock bottom too, going from misery to misery, approach wise. Some gave up, some blamed their "illness", some succeeded.

SeinoMore · 2016-08-27T15:49:41+00:00

It takes practice. Once you get used to it you'll do it unconsciously and you'll have surprising outcomes. Strangers don't care who you are so if you maintain eye contact their reaction is, in effect, random. Some hate it, some love it.

sonnydays2 · 2016-08-27T14:46:57+00:00

Try nofap

zensual_creature · 2016-08-27T12:39:39+00:00

For eyecontact, go order a coffee and hold boss eye contact. It will work wonders. That's probably going to be easier on you than some HB10 you're interested in. I always had terrible eye contact growing up, then I tried it out and I was instantly comfortable with it. I got lucky.

Also, go see a therapist. I do. There's no shame in it.

sanketvaria29 · 2016-08-27T14:09:31+00:00

no it comes from practice man. you may be having little anxiety. start meditation every day for 30 minutes. it really helps, and reduces anxiety like that 40% in month but only if you do it regularly

GetBenttt · 2016-08-27T18:15:39+00:00

Sometimes you just have to force it. I used to find myself constantly looking down when feeling a little awkward, but after a while I've gotten a lot better with it. You need to keep it up ALL the time though, with parents, friends, teachers, bosses. No exceptions for anybody. I actually found when hanging with some new people for the first time and I find myself staring out the window or the ground the first 10 minutes, things instantly got more fun after I wasn't afraid to look everyone right in the eyes

clbranche · 2016-08-28T09:40:07+00:00

You I was the same way, for me, for a solid month, I forced myself to

A) make eye contact with EVERYONE who walked by me (sure 90% of people look away, but the other 10% will either come introduce themselves or you'll be able to introduce YOURSELF.

B) Introduce myself to everyone who sits next to me, whether its asking what drink to order, or just asking for the time, I tried to talk to as many people as possible. If you're the guy who everyones nodding their head at or high fiving as you walk around the club, your confidence and attractiveness to other girls skyrockets Its just a mindset, you just need to drill in your head that the absolute worst you can do with a girl is be forgotten in 10 seconds

bbbooowwwssseeerrr · 2016-08-29T09:29:04+00:00

Social anxiety or not, it's mind over matter assuming you're not autistic, down, or another legitimately psychological syndrome. I don't think you are those things.

practice on the street with people you have ZERO investment in. Go downtown and look at every man and woman that passes you as you walk. You'll find that every single one of them will divert eyes as you approach. With eye contact should go good posture which is basically ass in and chest out. Keep your face and eyes above horizon meaning, don't look down. Do this for a few walks and let it sink in.

The only fuck you're going to give is honing your skills.

If you do meet someone who locks eyes, try to hold it for 3 seconds. if you make it that far, don't feel bad about diverting eye contact. Try to divert by looking to the side or up. Don't look down.

If you meet a woman who locks eyes for more than 3 seconds. Game on! You just saved yourself several beers and potentially HOURS of time.

20GsForTheYeezys · 2016-08-28T05:44:37+00:00

Try reading their eyes. It shifts the focus from just trying to keep the eye contact to figuring out what they are thinking. People will reveal a lot with their eyes. Just examine them and you'll forget about the awkwardness.

Title	Still can't maintain eye contact
Author	CasualFrank
Upvotes	24
Comments	23
Date	August 27, 2016 10:13 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4ztnt7/still_cant_maintain_eye_contact/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/still-cant-maintain-eye-contact.1411492 https://theredarchive.com/post/1411492

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