The Good Guy Contract

abacaba · 2010-11-10T19:50:13+00:00

Wow that hit home.

At "try asking yourself the following question" I said "yes" out-loud to every one, and I never do that.

The flip side of this is that I expect other people to be good/nice to me. If they are, I'll cut them an almost infinite amount of slack. But if they aren't good/nice to me when they could have been, I judge everything they do way more harshly.

I don't think any of this is healthy, but it's a hard pattern to break. I go absolutely crazy when I don't have other people's approval.

scazrelet · 2010-11-10T23:12:28+00:00

"This was proven to me three months later when my best friend came to me asking me why I had recently become such a jerk to all my friends."

While I want to agree with large parts of this article, this line in particular bugs me and makes me wonder if he took it too far. No, you don't want to be a doormat, but at the same time doing small favors and generally being nice is why other people do favors for you. It's part of a sort of grander altruistic social contract. I am reminded of a bit of game theory here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tit_for_tat

Basically, do nice to others until they show they are not worthy of your time. Compliments and suggestions, learning how to tactfully phrase things, for instance, come at no cost to yourself, and are beneficial in the long run, as are small favors (Hey man can I have a cigarette?). Actually, doing favors for others is a good way to test the waters and see if they are people worth having in your life by judging their responses, as long as you aren't addicted to the feedback.

In essence, I am uncertain that the solution - stop doing kind deeds - is the right one. How bout instead it be "stop making it your system of self worth"?

edit - grammar

ThrowawayPUA · 2010-11-10T21:41:34+00:00

I approve of this article. This guy is a member of the same buddhist sect as mine, and most of this article is good, basic buddhism as our sect teaches.

MaysonNSS · 2010-11-10T20:20:31+00:00

GREAT article, thanks for sharing

impotent_rage · 2010-11-10T22:38:54+00:00

This is where seduction meets good therapy. I love it. Thanks for sharing.

rahk · 2010-11-10T22:52:06+00:00

i value his advice not only in terms of having a girlfriend but dealing with people and other relationships overall. i have a tendency to have people run all over me with demands and requests and I seem to deal with it the absolutely in the wrong way. When i feel irritated with the demands and expectations I tend to lash out all at once and everyone looks at me like i've gone crazy. i've always wanted to find a way to avoid a situation like that by trying techniques to relax myself and enjoy being myself.

how does one relax oneself infinitely?

shanegoeswapow · 2010-11-10T23:58:18+00:00

I read that checklist and said "no" to every one of those. Guess I'm not as nice as I thought.

EncasedMeats · 2010-11-11T05:07:55+00:00

I was as powerless to refuse her a favor as I was to run through a brick wall.

The headline should have been "The Co-Dependent Contract."

KH10304 · 2010-11-11T05:42:59+00:00

I knew there was something disingenuous about bhuddists

Title	The Good Guy Contract
Author	Benjamin_Wankin
Upvotes	117
Comments	19
Date	November 10, 2010 7:13 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e46gb/the_good_guy_contract/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-good-guy-contract.1312875 https://theredarchive.com/post/1312875

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