In the last 2 months I have noticed a two different mind sets. There is the mindset of neediness and sexual frustration, and there is the mindset for abundance. You have all heard of these before but I find that the "RSD" and pick up guides on youtube try and sell you the result without telling you the secret to achieving the result. They say "confidence is key" and "don't double text a girl" and "don't compliment her too much". I used to be super thirsty back in my high school days and used to lap this advice up. I used to try so hard not to get feelings for a girl, not to double text, not to develop "aphid attraction" to her. I then had a journey of immense self-discover and transformation. Focusing on myself and not on girls. I began to become so fixated on my needs that I wasn't thinking about girls anymore. Sure I would see them on the street and at the gym (ngghh), and I would be very attracted to them, but once I really embraced the mindset of work before girls, the game changed. I realised that yeah, I would be very happy with a woman, at the moment I don't and it is much more painless and productive in this situation to focus on myself instead of women. Holy fuck did this mindset work wonders. Putting most of my time into me and seeing no point in fixating on girls, I became an extremely happy, relaxed and carefree person, who doesn't really want a relationship anymore after being around so many insecure girls.

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It ain't a superpower, just gaining control of your mind. When I was out for a date with a girl, it was like she was just another bloke sitting there who I happened to be attracted to. Idk if she was insecure or what but she was not hiding her attraction. Anyway the point is that this has changed the game, from the women being the players and the "prize" to changing my mentality and becoming the focus. It comes with hard work, mentally and physically. If you're not willing to put in the work, don't bother but here's the deal:

  1. Workout - it takes discipline but your insecurities die in the gym and you will become very attractive to all women.
  2. Work hard - do your homework, it'll feel good to be productive. It's only overcoming barriers of discipline. Start low with 30 mins before a 5 minute break and build your way up. Being disciplined and productive will build your self-esteem and confidence
  3. Meditate - this will put your mind at ease. It will clear your head of negative thoughts that are stopping you from approaching or being successful with women and the anxiety (subliminal negative thoughts) that makes you awkward around them.
  4. Change the negative thoughts in your head: most guys have anxiety these days, due to social media, and it's killing our chances with women. It might sound stupid but you need to actively change this thought pattern. Whether it's writing down how good you are and all the good things about you to build up your self-esteem (it's not shameful to lose confidence at times, but know how to get it back by changing your thoughts), or reminding yourself that you are worthy of the woman and refute the negative anxious energy that you feel (there's no reason to feel this, I'm gonna do fine) - do this everyday and I guarantee you will see results.
  5. Get hobbies - these are the fruit of life. Not many of us actually find work enjoyable, other than when you realise that it's helping you grow and develop as a person. Hobbies are a fantastic way to be happy without the need for a woman. Also, women find them exceptionally attractive.
  6. Stop watching porn - whilst probably not entirely necessary if you don't have a problem (2 times a week max and to vanilla shit), IDK why but it really takes a toll on your confidence around women and ability to naturally let conversation flow. In the words of my best mate - "I watched porn the other day (after a rough breakup) and talking to girls gave me social anxiety, it was really weird, maybe this shit is bad for me"

Paraphrasing the words of a youtuber called "friendlyjordies" - the meaning of life is personal development and contribution to society. Once you realise this, you will stop playing video games and using social media so much and will start finding happiness in these two things. You will become happy by yourself, will develop confidence and abundance in life. You won't need a woman to make you happy, because you will already be content with life. Then the women will flock to you. STOP TRYING TO ACHIEVE THE RESULT WITHOUT PUTTING IN THE HARD WORK - IT DOESN'T WORK. If you do end up "faking it till you make it" (by doing this you are actually developing yourself by becoming charismatic and working on your personality - all very transferrable and handy life skills in learning pickup, but once again really shitty means to the end) you will end up with some insecure chick who will may be fkn great in bed, but will make the rest of your life hell.

Lastly, stop being so thirsty. Girls will probably find you weird and/or will lose respect for you and it ruins shit for the rest of us. They will most likely take it as validation rather than thinking of you as a potential partner. Stop giving them un-earned validation for free. You're probably not going to get the girl and I guarantee she is not as amazing as you claim she is.

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TLDR: Mindset change, self-esteem

work on yourself = focus on yourself = focus not on women,

get hobbies = happiness = abundance = no need for women,

meditate = no anxiety = positive thoughts + confidence around women.

Porn = negative thoughts around women (idk why but I've experienced it and so have my mates) = anxiety and lack of confidence = lack of ability to let conversation and flirting flow naturally due to awkwardness.

Mindset change = positive thoughts and no anxious energy = less anxiety around women = more confidence and natural flow

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Edit:

  • The perfect state to be in is one of confidence and abundance + openness and being horny (sexually attracted to women). Being open to a girl yet being self-assured as to not need her will generate results and women follow.
  • Forgot to mention the importance of truly believing that everything will be okay. As porn and social media exacerbate anxiety, you will feel nervous as you will believe that if you don't get the girl then everything will not be okay. I have experienced this myself and explored these emotions enough to understand them. Don Draper from madmen is a clear example of this mentality. Believing that no matter what happens, everything will be fine will allow you to be comfortable in stressful situations. To achieve this, you need to work on yourself enough to be comfortable with yourself. Meditation and getting rid of negativity in your life will also help this. The belief that even if the girl rejects you, you can still be content with life as life goes on is powerful and very true. In fact, I don't know a single time in my life where a girl rejecting me has stopped the earth's rotation. You should be patient with girls and truly find the one that is worth it. If a girl rejects you, life will go on and everything will be fine. It's her loss and she probably has issues that she needs to work out herself before she gets into a great relationship with you.