The virginity paradox.

junk2sa · 2013-12-08T05:11:07+00:00

Fake it till you make it, brother.

kony3012 · 2013-12-08T06:33:36+00:00

a virgin can't just hide in a closet watching other people fuck all the time. What do?

Can't, or won't?

loulan · 2013-12-08T13:53:25+00:00

The medical student will spend countless hours observing operations before he goes in and actually does one.

Well you know, there are some websites where you can do exactly that.

GAY_WEED_DAD_69 · 2013-12-08T13:39:16+00:00

But a virgin can't just hide in a closet watching other people fuck all the time.

Not with that attitude.

CapAWESOMEst · 2013-12-08T05:43:58+00:00

Let me tell you the story of how I lost my virginity. I'll make it as short as possible.

Met girl on OKC. Decent looking, 6.5/10. Took her out for coffee and hookah bar. I hadn't kissed a girl in years. Since I was a bit high from hookah I stopped giving a fuck and went for it. I'm pretty sure I was awful, but I kept my cool. Pulled her close to me and started fondling. Thighs, boobs (1st time grabbing them!), ass. Then I slid my hand to her crotch, over the jeans. She stopped me and to told her we should leave. We went to her car and kept making out. Slid my hand under her bra and played with her nipples (1st time doing that!). Then went for the pussy. Unbottoned, lowered zipper and slid my hand in. I had no fucking idea what I was doing. At all. I kept going and all I could feel were her pubes...kept going...lower...lower....maybe I passed it...lower....bingo! I have no clue how I figured out where to stick my fingers, but I did. I just did what I remembered from porn and she went for my dick. 1st time a girl had touched my dick. It felt pretty good. Then I whispered "let's have sex" and she replied "here?" I pulled back and said "well, I can't bring you home and I don't like motels...", she replied "sure, let's just look for a park or a darker place". And so we did and I fucked her brains out in the back of my truck.

I had told her I'd had sex a couple times before (not true) and she asked if I lied about it. I playfully replied "was I that bad?" She laughed and told me that it was quite the opposite. I was too good for someone that's only had sex 3 times.

The lesson here is, just get out there and do it. Be half-honest. Admit you have little sexual experience and let her guide you!

meholstein · 2013-12-08T15:28:13+00:00

This is one of the reasons people recommend you lose your virginity to someone you're close to. The losing-your-virginity sex is awkward and unbelievably short, and so doing it with someone you love makes it the awkward moments a lot better.

In my relationship, at the beginning (we were young) I was SO glad we were close because I could be honest about what was/wasn't working, tell him my actual preferences, and when something went wrong we could laugh about it and move on.

trauma_gland · 2013-12-08T17:27:19+00:00

Hey dude I just dropped in to say you're totally overthinking it. Over the last few months I've been working pretty hard with self improvement type stuff. No fap helped me manifest sexual desire externally instead of relying on myself for sexual satisfaction. Meditation helped calm down my over analyzing, over worked, and over anxious mind.

Then I came here. I came just like you, a virgin, desperate for the love and affection of a woman. About a month ago I lost that virginity, and you know what, she had no idea I was so inexperienced. Quite the opposite actually. Just listen to her and what she responds to, and for the love of god, be confident in yourself and ENJOY it!! With that said, I've realized now that I look to women for validation and to fill a certain hole in my life. Inner game is truly the most important thing not just for the PUA but for any person. Girls are not a cure to anything, and as virgins you tend to really really really build them up to be some kind of goddesses. It's pretty retarded. Know that everyone on this globe is on a level playing field, especially yourself. Don't worry about being a virgin, it's not stopping you from doing anything.

kazagistar · 2013-12-08T11:41:50+00:00

Meh, I can't really give you any advice. In my case, a crazy girl decided I was cool and basically took initative. Actually learning seduction stuff came after.

Mi5ery · 2013-12-08T15:45:15+00:00

Proceed by imitation. Find great man figures who could become references for you and begin to act like them. You have for sure an idea about how your ultimate alpha male figure is. Figure out wich traits caracterise him and ask yourself 'how would he act now ?'. Then do your best.

Afeni02 · 2013-12-08T19:46:16+00:00

You don't need to be a non-virgin to be sexual

eablokker · 2013-12-08T09:32:18+00:00

Yes, we men are supposed to lead into sex, but that doesn't mean we have to be good at leading into sex. We can still be bad and that's good enough. We can have no idea how to please her and that's fine, we don't need to please her. We only have to please ourselves, which we can do by touching her wherever we want, kissing her wherever we feel like it, telling her what you want to do to you. Forget about being sexually competent and rocking her socks off, that part doesn't matter.

I just read No More Mr Nice Guy recently, and there's a part in there about how nice guys tend to become obsessed with being amazingly skilled lovers and making women orgasm. Basically if you have a lot of fear and shame around sex, then you try to hide your feelings by not focusing on your own pleasure and focusing on hers instead. It's important to remember that your pleasure comes first.

2013-12-08T09:44:28+00:00

Whereas humans are evolutionary programmed to procreate, they were not programmed to perform complex and delicate surgeries (it comes through intense learning). As a (straight) man, you were born to know what to do in order to achieve your evolutionary purpose with a woman. It's coded in your instinct. Over thinking (and other reasons) however will get in the way of this natural process. Also, if you have Beta behaviours, then you will not be "punished" with celibacy until you move towards more assertive and dominant (not necessarily being arrogant) behaviours, and then you will be "rewarded" with sex. Good luck!

InvictusRex · 2013-12-08T18:13:37+00:00

wouldn't expect a medical student to go into the OR and perform surgery

Good thing you're doing nothing similar. It seems to me you think sex is a really big deal, and it's not. I know you desperately want to lose your virginity, we've all been there, but it's really not a big deal. Show up, put your dick in her and touch her. You're not going to be a sex god on your first time, so accept that and use it as a learning experience.

If you don't know things like: how to foreplay, where the vagina are, you need to do some googling. Here's a protip: the vagina is at the bottom of the slit, closest to their ass, not at the top.

walker_stalker · 2013-12-08T20:56:05+00:00

Don't over think it, just do it. I lost my virginity like two weeks before my senior prom. I lost it to a friend of mine that I constantly flirted with, we had briefly talked about how I was a virgin, and she thought I was lying. I finally just asked her out on a date and we went out and after that we had sex. I'm not gonna lie I had a rather lack luster performance, but I didn't let it get to me I just asked her "What did you like/not like and what should I do differently?" and she told me. It's literally that easy, especially if they really like you cause then they're gonna want you to be better at having sex with them. It's all a learning experience, but it's not rocket science, literally ANYONE can have sex, don't expect to be like Austin Powers your first time. Every time you do it just ask them what they thought that's how I've been learning. From what I've learned, the two biggest things would be: Communicate while in the act, and Be the man, she wants you to ravish her and treat her like your little whore (for the most part, that is NOT a hard and fast rule.) tell her its ok if there is stuff she doesn't want to do i.e. oral, certain positions, ext… and don't make it a big deal, it's supposed to be fun, and if you're not having fun but instead a panic attack, then the sex is gonna suck for the both of you.

TLDR: 1.Be a man 2.It's not a big deal if you don't know what you're doing, they'll understand. 3. Have fun, sex is supposed to cause pleasure not anxiety.

I hope my 2cents helped, good luck bud.

walker_stalker · 2013-12-08T20:57:48+00:00

Also are you saying that you're too scared to approach women because you're a virgin, or is it something different? I'm just trying to understand better.

snwborder52 · 2013-12-09T23:45:12+00:00

Confidence is not believing you will succeed.

Confidence is being tolerating uncertainty. It's not knowing that you will succeed and acting anyway.

Confidence has little to do with experience.

magicroot75 · 2013-12-10T13:33:28+00:00

Sex is not a complicated surgery. Open legs, insert penis.

nfg91 · 2013-12-08T21:57:32+00:00

Hang out with people who are experienced. Listen to how they talk about things, their perception, opinion, level of excitement or calmness. Watch how they act in situation. Body language, personality, etc. Then read a book on pleasing women so you at least have some knowledge when it happens. I suggest She Comes First.

Honestly, everybody dates, everybody flirts, everybody fucks. Its widely accepted. Nothing to get overly hyper or nervous about or overthink. Just act like you've done it and its normal/no big deal.

berry_throwaway · 2013-12-08T17:38:48+00:00

As a male virgin, I honestly feel so much more equipped for picking up girls than any of my bros who aren't virgins. Reason being, male virgins are rare and unique. Especially if your known as someone who frequently goes out and is social, being a virgin stands to demonstrate a very strong sense of restraint and confidence.

I know that on any given night I can hook up with just about any girl at school that knows me, but I'll never give up the v-card until I'm sure it's with someone that I could potentially spend my life with. I know that's an unpopular opinion here, but it works very well for me, and I think it can for others too if done right.

All it takes is self confidence. Talk to girls as if you don't want to have sex with them at all. You want them practically begging for it, touching and grabbing you. Then smile, say goodbye, and walk away. Control your mind, desires, and emotions, and you can get absolutely any girl you want.

When you reject girls in such a way, they can't be mad about it, because then they're the asshole that just wants to taint the sweet virgin. But they can't stop dwelling on you, I promise.

Once you get to this stage you can choose when you want to do what and with who, all without much effort at all. Just strike up conversations and girls will reciprocate 10x as hard. Because they cab, and because they want you.

At least that's how I think about things as a virgin. Works out pretty well, and I tend to find myself in relationships with really good girls much more often.

Title	The virginity paradox.
Author	424123498989
Upvotes	40
Comments	33
Date	December 8, 2013 5:04 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1sd97b/the_virginity_paradox/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-virginity-paradox.1362774 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362774

Comments