There‘s sonething I never understood about seduction

PiperBigBell · 2020-04-27T21:25:45+00:00

Let me make it clear for you brother. What they are saying is you need to let her know you're sexually interested, that you're investigating her worthiness, without giving your power away. Everything you say and do comes with a "but" to it. "I feel like you'd be a good kisser, but I don't want you becoming addicted to me. That wouldn't be fair to you." Get it?

You wouldn't bring up kissing her if you weren't thinking about it. She also knows that. But you put a barrier to entry for her. Her having to prove herself or doubt her worthiness. Teasing. The art of push and pull. Flirting. "I like you but . . . We could get together, only if . . I think you and I could have fun together in the city, but I'm not sure if you'd be good at matching my likeness." The art of creating tension. Sexual tension.

smoothmax · 2020-04-27T21:26:07+00:00

Your body language will always reflect your inner state. If your inner state is off (say if you're scared or you feel undeserving or creepy) then your body language will look awkward or weird and it doesn't matter what you say.

If your inner state is good your body language will make it clear to the woman that you're an awesome guy who is attracted to her. In which case it doesn't matter if you tell her, "Hey babe you look hot we should fuck" or, "where's the nearest Starbucks."

As long as you're calibrated of course (adjusting to the actual context).

So the advice is, work on your inner game and on letting your state show in an attractive way. Mostly it's a matter of showing that you're relaxed, happy, and attracted to her but not desperate.

MrNobody___ · 2020-04-27T21:27:34+00:00

No, those statements don't contradict themselves.

For the first statement: a lot of guys think it's acceptable to go to a girl they never talked to and say: "I love you since the kindergarten. And I want you to be my girlfriend." That's creepy. You don't know her. You have her prospect on how wonderful would be to date her.

The second statement is about showing interest or being sexual/flirty with her since the first date. Like:

- "Let's go out"

- "Like friend?"

- "No, that's a date." - that's already enough to show interest in her - or "I only do friendship with benefits." What some guys will say: "Yes, like friends." Cause I'm too scared to be rejected and showing my real interest.

It's not a problem to tell her, you want to meet her.

Neemdor · 2020-04-27T22:48:04+00:00

I‘m in favor of keeping things vague-ish. Like in a poker game. Hide your intentions to build tensions. Convey your sexual desire through light teasing / generally speaking about sex, but do not declare your love and affection for her upfront and right away. Why would you declare your love and affection for someone you barely know? Being too straight forward takes out all the fun and makes you look needy and thirsty. Being vague-ish makes you look interesting and intriguing. Also, watch out the friend zone. Avoid wasting your time and effort in that case. If she’s genuinely into you, you’d get sexual hints and signs from her. If she’s not genuinely into you, you’d get none. Good luck.

livelearnplay · 2020-04-28T00:57:28+00:00

I highly recommend reading Models by Mark Manson. His advice is just to be honest with yourself and with the girls. The power of vulnerability that’s real seduction. In your situation, I would be honest and yell her you like her

Dodechaedron · 2020-04-27T21:58:17+00:00

You have to say the right things at the right time. As it was pointed out, there must be a 'tension', or, put it in another way, it's a mating dance (as some animals do), you have to display your feathers and do the right steps and she will reciprocate ...

kimbrasplice · 2020-04-28T07:30:04+00:00

As a female, it would of been nice if guys had told me that they actually liked me so I knew where we stood. Honestly, contrary to popular belief females can't read minds. I remember I was really crushing on a guy completely granola on him but he was so hot and cold.

It pretty much left me frustrated with him and so insecure about myself.

I eventually made a bumble account took fate in my own hands finally found someone who didn't play games. Then weeks after I change my status on FB DMs of guys that confessed they likedme-likedme. I would of Given them a chance if the actually said something before. But C'est la vie...🤷🏻‍♀️

IBeSomebooty · 2020-04-28T22:46:20+00:00

No no NO. Who the FUCK gave you that advice? You give them that idea only if THEY are game, meaning they're obviously showing you they like LIKE you. Otherwise, don't Chase her, but you always want to make the first move. They want to be PULLED. They want you to make the first moves. but don't be like that unless your obvious style is to be friends with benefits, in which that will work for you in that regard. It's easy to make that interest clear, most girls get the wrong idea all the time. But if you make it seem like you want her for sex she WILL KNOW. You will lose your power against her immediately. then she will put up tons of walls and shit tests to make sure your pandering to her and what she wants, and this will make the whole process longer.

revente · 2020-04-28T07:31:03+00:00

Don’t speak about your feelings. Instead show her how horny you are with your actions.

manonpoint_com · 2020-04-28T18:03:33+00:00

It's all about calibration. You want to show enough that she knows you want to date her/sleep with her etc. and not just be her gbf (are people still allowed to say that haha), but you don't want to be needy and annoying and desperate. So no, they do not contradict themselves.

ApollosSin · 2020-04-29T19:51:29+00:00

You want to convey that you find her attractive and are interested in her, but you dont know if she is worth your time. Pretty much what girls naturally do to a guy lol

But honestly play it cool, until shes showing signs of interest, then you start building tension.

jsbach123 · 2020-04-30T06:14:55+00:00

NO, you got it wrong. You definitely have to show interest. What you cannot show is being her sure thing unconditionally. Your vibe should come off as "look, you're attractive...but what else do you have to deserve me". Or "look, you're cute...but what do you have that other cute girls don't". That may sound arrogant, but girls do it all the time when dealing with guys.

This vibe has to come out in what you say and what you do. If you've shown interest and demonstrated you've locked into her and won't consider other other girls (or don't have other girls), that's showing interest in the wrong way.

You also have to show a willingness to walk away ("sorry, I don't think I can be with a girl who doesn't like video games"). That implies conditional interest.

So you see...it's about showing interest but with conditions. Once you become a sure thing, then the mystery goes away and she will have less interest in you.

tapetenpower · 2020-04-27T21:08:18+00:00

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TrulyLookingfoward · 2020-04-28T09:34:51+00:00

Hi female in the room. I tend to agree very much with saying how you feel clearly.

Listen, this is not about the girls. This is about you. What do you want in your life. Which kind of woman do you want to expend your time with (your only time in this planet).

If you want a girl that is emotionally mature, and that will make a good team with you through the time, or even if you just want sex but still you want to have a good experience out of drama and toxicity, please, be honest.

Now, how to do it. The very important thing is that you have clear which are your needs as a person in this life. Do you need more empathy? More support? More freedom? Are you in a moment where you just want to experience sex and have fun? Decide. Decide thoughtfully. And communicate it as clear as you can.

If you just want sex with someone and you have very clear that that relationship is not going to go further, for whatever reason (you are not ready to commit, you already see things that would not work well with you, etc but you still like the girl and want to have sex) I would recommend you to express it in the very beginning - oh, this would have save me sooooo much energy if he would just have had the guts to be clear. If she is on a similar page, it will work smoothly. If she has other needs, then she must be able to communicate them.

If you really like her, and you feel like with that relationship you have everything you aim for and you feel happy, just say it. Of course if after two weeks of dating her you say you are in love and you want to expend the rest of your life with her... Well, for some people might work, but the most common in this situation is that you are high in hormones and blind, so it might not be a good idea. If the girl is emotionally mature will probably run away from this because she knows chances are this might be unrealistic. Instead, you can communicate with something like 'I feel like with you I have everything I need, and I feel happy when I am with you'. Much better, accurate and healthy. And once you both are building the relationship, you will be having more space to say things in a deeper way.

But always from a point of knowing yourself, your needs and communicating them in an effective way where you are truthful first of all to you, and of course respecting and accepting as well that the other part might or might not correspond you and either way is fine!

thefestivalfilmmaker · 2020-04-27T22:19:04+00:00

To make it clear, you should let her know early on that you are interested in her sexually, but refrain from letting her know that you are interested in her romantically. She wants to know that you are into her without being afraid that you are going to be needy. Girls are more attracted to guys that will fuck and leave than guys that will call her 24/7.

Title	There‘s sonething I never understood about seduction
Author	tapetenpower
Upvotes	14
Comments	24
Date	April 27, 2020 8:51 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/g995up/theres_sonething_i_never_understood_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/theres-sonething-i-never-understood-about.1290603 https://theredarchive.com/post/1290603

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