You made me realized I was so wrong!

IpickupGrandmothers · 2014-12-08T14:29:47+00:00

I realized I was the "nice guy", telling her all my feelings, telling her what nobody else knew about me, asking her where she want to go, when se wanted to see me etc...

There's nothing wrong with being open and vulnerable (it's actually a sign of MASSSIVE confidence)... as long as you're doing it for the right reasons.

That being said, it's pretty freakin' awesome that you're owning your own life and being responsible about it. Good shit!

chiralcompound · 2014-12-08T15:28:58+00:00

There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Being gentlemenly and polite towards women will get you far better quality girls than the "I'M A HUGE DOUCHEBAG NARCISIST, CHECK OUT MY BICEPTS" approach.

What should be avoided is being a "nice guy." (I.E. Subverting your own desires and making every interaction about the other person). No one trusts or respects that behavior.

But having ownership of yourself, and choosing to act in ways that demonstrate your kindness and compassion towards others is actually a good thing.

park305 · 2014-12-08T16:08:05+00:00

As others pointed out, there's nothing wrong with being nice. If you're in a LTR, it's healthy to tell your feelings and share things you don't share with anyone else. That's called intimacy. Each of you are investing into each other. The question is whether it's balanced.

Most of the seduction content is about the first few minutes to few dates of meeting a girl. Things change once you're in a relationship.

JENKMAN · 2014-12-08T19:57:52+00:00

God damn if I'm not looking into a mirror here.

Coming from a pretty bad break up here (8 years) And the circumstances ranging from long distance to just a pretty poor foundation to begin with, when we did actually end up physically with each other I felt like I had all the confidence in the world when I was with her.

But with a bad foundation slowly being worn away due to work and some pretty bad decisions, when we started living together, I begin to lose myself in the process.

Things were so much easier to convey over a screen, and the physical aspects like sex and overall intimacy being a secondary thing, we enjoyed just talking over everything else at one point. That flipped over once we started living together..

I suffered from that "nice guy" stigma of putting her above MY needs because I expected a mutual return. Such as working full time while she went to school. She graduated before me, but I was so out of myself from the stress of work and turning into an alcoholic for a little bit that she gradually fell out of love for me because I grew to hate myself for turning into something that I never wanted to be but felt like I had to out of necessity for the relationship.

I'm not trying to look for anything romantic, it's been 6-7 months since the whole nasty ordeal ( she ended up cheating on me right as I was trying to turn my life around)

I just want someone to talk to.. I have no human best friends anymore, just mutual acquaintances. I do have a dog that I happened to find abandoned and no one else would take him in recently and he's been the light of my life so far. I was in a pretty dark place until he came along so I have that to be thankful for.

These days, I feel like I can't express everything that's on my mind anymore to anyone. People loosely understand or misinterpret what I say because I'm really shit at conveying my feelings. I just want to connect with someone like I used to, mind, body and soul but I still feel that stigma of leaving myself vulnerable now.

I accepted her for all she was and in the back of my head I knew that she would eventually outgrow me when I first started down this path. The thing I wanted to do most was just draw pictures with her. To me, that's all I lived for at one point..

But I realize now that I was just using her as a crutch for my insecurities, and I even initially blamed myself for everything leading up until that painful point.

Good luck on your future endeavors man

DDVDA · 2014-12-08T18:42:14+00:00

Not totally related to the subject at hand, but it made me think about this scene from the move The Tourist

Being the nice and assertive guy is a great start

AtomicMonkeyTheFirst · 2014-12-08T16:42:43+00:00

Dude, you pretty just described my life as well. I couldn't understand why I kept failing in relationships and getting rejected when I was trying so hard with women, I was the fucking archetypal nice guy getting dumped for the jerk, until I started learning about PU.

Mex_beaner · 2014-12-08T19:15:17+00:00

in my case i was "the bad boy" careless about her and mine emotions, always dominant and in charge, but i over did it, and ruined my relationship. there must be a balace. and thats the actual hard part to keep the girl interested

RichieFinn · 2014-12-08T19:53:11+00:00

Go Read this. http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

8sweettooth8 · 2014-12-08T14:26:20+00:00

I love stories like this :)

Revules · 2014-12-08T16:22:29+00:00

I'm still new to this... What exactly are you going to change?

Ohuma · 2014-12-08T22:12:41+00:00

Good stuff. There is more to it than just the verbiage of telling her let's go here, as opposed to asking "where do you want to go.". Body language is magnificently huge ,too.

I am in Russia right now. These girls are the kind of women you see in the U.S. or other western countries. They want a man, not a boy. Sometimes I've caught myself slipping and the girl actually replying back, "you pick something to do". It puts things in perspective

wildchild11 · 2014-12-09T01:02:22+00:00

lulz, good job man.

BeerKills · 2014-12-08T17:12:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BattleSwab · 2014-12-08T23:18:27+00:00

You can be a nice guy without being a push over. For example I asked my girlfriend where she would like to have breakfast tomorrow. I gave her a couple options and told her if she hated all of those we could go somewhere else. The first time we went out for breakfast, I decided where we would go. Be assertive but don't be an ass hole about it.

Title	You made me realized I was so wrong!
Author	BeerKills
Upvotes	96
Comments	41
Date	December 8, 2014 1:24 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2on6yn/you_made_me_realized_i_was_so_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/you-made-me-realized-i-was-so-wrong.1380638 https://theredarchive.com/post/1380638

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