"You're so sweet but..." after dates and hookups

norwegiandoggo · 2026-06-09T13:31:04+00:00

I get a lot of "i had such a good time but dont see this going any further/didnt feel a connection" texts after my first dates, which I chalked up to a lack of escalation on my part and have been working on fixing.

That is indeed the right way to think. Getting this feedback regularly is almost always connected to a lack of escalation.

But in this latter case, you did, in fact, escalate - so here that was not the issue. It can just be a lack of overall attraction. Which is another common reason for getting this feedback.

Attraction is based on many factors. Some you can control and some you can't. If you focus on just becoming a more attractive man (in very sense of the word) - you should experience less of this.

Here are some keywords to keep in mind for that:

Ambition
Social intelligence (especially flirting skills & relationship skills)
Well dressed
Well-kept appearance
Good career
Healthy lifestyle
Sexual skills
Being able to set expectations (so she knows if this is casual or not - what are your intentions?)
Building trust and safety
Confidence / seeming self-assured
Non-needy / non-desperate
High social status
Giving value
Smelling good / neutral
Well-read / knowledgable
Sense of humor
Good physical shape
Empathic and caring, but not a pushover (not overly sensitive)

Klutzy-Painting885 · 2026-06-09T14:11:19+00:00

“She said she didn’t want sex.”

She did want it. A tough lesson is that what women want and what they say they want are often compete opposites. For example, most women say they want a nice, caring guy. But when they date those men they find them boring.

becomesharp · 2026-06-09T20:40:45+00:00

There's nothing wrong with you. This is just a skill deficiency. Or in this specific case, it could be literally anything.

Don't make any conclusions based off of a single data point or small sample size, because the root cause could be anything, including the cycle of the moon.

Like i've been in this exact same scenario before and learned years later that the reason it happened is because the next day her ex called and wanted to get back together and she wanted to give him a chance.

Is that a normal explanation for this behavior? No. But it does happen on occasion, as I demonstrated to myself.

Now that being said, if this becomes a trend, it's likely due to one or more of the following root causes:

* No emotional connection

* Buyer's Remorse. She felt guilty or "slutty" afterward and is running away from that shame

* Didn't enjoy the sex

Occasionally you will also run into a scenario where she was just bored and/or drunk and wanted to fool around with a guy, but it's less common, especially if you're getting this more than once in a while.

Honest_Bruh · 2026-06-09T21:12:58+00:00

Do you have any game or are all your dates/hookups coming from apps? As a 19 year old you should be socializing and learning to attract women in person. If you can't then that's why they are politely turning you down.

Heavy_Consequence441 · 2026-06-09T23:46:59+00:00

Lean on the side of being aggressive on dates. You've been reading too many females complain about creeps (what women say shouldn't be taken too seriously anyway) causing your inhibition to rise, making you boring and uninteresting.

bmcapers · 2026-06-10T01:55:52+00:00

Hey that’s cool that she texted and did not ghost. Points for humanity.

But it sounds like you’re intuitive and on the right track. Keep dating and learning along the way.

Accomplished_Egg_928 · 2026-06-09T13:25:29+00:00

Strike while the iron is hot. Men are visual and women are emotional. If you flirt with them enough and escalate right, they will often take your clothes off. Women don't stay on an emotional high for very long.

MacheteR · 2026-06-09T13:34:49+00:00

There is not much information, From their feedback and the way you wrote the post like most 19 yr old men, you are unauthentic and you try to present yourself to be likeable, you want to be validated which comes off as boring to women.

Focus on your vibe, your problem is internal. Embrace your flaws don't be scared to show them, stop exchanging information with women you exchange information with men, you need to move emotions. There s plenty of information online you will find them. Remember VIBE thats what you need to work on.

You are well ahead keep trying

JackSquirts · 2026-06-09T13:54:20+00:00

You're too nice. Girls see you as a pushover.

As far as just the tip, turn her on more and she'll go for it.

No-Buy-3105 · 2026-06-10T02:27:09+00:00

Women have too many options

Rare-Degree-9596 · 2026-06-09T21:24:33+00:00

Buyer's remorse.

If the tip was "about in", she wasn't fully on board, and she pulled back, she re-thought her almost willingness to let you go all the way, raw I assume?

That's big leap for a girl to do with a 19 year old. In my experience girls at that age usually fall into two categories, condoms - to have a little fun with guys she doesn't give a shit about. Or raw - with the boy she wants to have young love with as her "real" boyfriend.

ChicoBrillo · 2026-06-09T22:48:39+00:00

I mean you're leaps and bounds beyond most men your age I would imagine, so at least you got that going on for you.

Nobody can really answer whether or not you're doing anything wrong without knowing what went down. I can only tell you some educated guesses based on my own experience.

For me, when I've heard this it was because

1) she wanted a more put-together professional guy and I came off like a wandering bum (which I was to be fair).

2) There was no chemistry, which is different than physical attraction. This isn't always really somebody's "fault", sometimes you just don't mix. It's possible you just lack the right touch or escalate awkwardly, but if that's the case you're in luck because that's something you will 100% learn with time and trial + error.

You're doing fine bro, seriously, don't worry about it too much.

videogames_ · 2026-06-10T03:19:22+00:00

Sometimes it’s lack of escalation or sometimes you didn’t treat them like shit enough. If you’re hot enough you can get away with it but sometimes being more average as a man you have to really amp up the dark triad.

ControlGood8979 · 2026-06-10T07:58:22+00:00

You're 19 don't worry about it se guys here are 32 and haven't chatted up a single woman. . You have plenty of time to figure it out.

Tiny-Course-4506 · 2026-06-10T23:55:18+00:00

You're not escalating enough

highonthelemontree · 2026-06-12T09:56:59+00:00

You need more tension. That’s literally what that they mean when they say no spark.

OpinionThink481 · 2026-06-09T20:31:35+00:00

That happens because you are not flirting sexually with them and instead are playing it too safe. You are acting like a romantic person rather than a sexual person and that's why they say you are sweet. Because you are acting like a guy who wants to be a boyfriend and what creates the spark is acting like you want to fuck her acting like you desire her, acting like she is a snack and you are tempted to devour it. You are acting like you want to be a boyfriend before it's time to act like a boyfriend. Sexual desire comes first and boyfriend energy comes later after sex. And not it doesnt matter if she is not looking for sex, what matters is that you act like she turns you on regardless of what she is looking for.

OkRecommendation1040 · 2026-06-10T03:30:33+00:00

Are you in America?

Title	"You're so sweet but..." after dates and hookups
Author	waitineversaidthat
Upvotes	27
Comments	29
Date	June 9, 2026 1:14 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1u14nha/youre_so_sweet_but_after_dates_and_hookups/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/youre-so-sweet-but-after-dates-and-hookups.1582431 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582431

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