Custody schedule

AirSailer · 2022-08-25T18:37:25+00:00

I work full-time (more like 60 hrs/wk) and have 50/50 custody/time. I'm not giving that up for any reason. Why are you?

No-Blackberry7887 · 2022-08-25T16:39:35+00:00

Did you ask your children how they feel about this?

theowawayforme555 · 2022-08-25T17:02:52+00:00

Kids need their dad in their lives as much as humanly possible. If you have a choice stay close by and be there for them.

pkelly6 · 2022-08-25T22:44:47+00:00

Full disclosure, I’m ex wife. Kids went to dad’s in summers. Now they are adults. They do not have a meaningful relationship. Think this one through carefully.

pairof3s · 2022-08-25T17:14:35+00:00

I stayed in the same town for my kids. Had one night a week for dinner and 2 out of three weekends. Staying close made them being able to live their lives as teenagers easier since they weren't ever too far from their friends. My youngest turned 18 this year but kept the same schedule until she left for college because it never really caused any upheaval in their lives.

After 12 years of that I'm looking at moving now, they'll only be home in the summers and only a few more years of that at best.

firstorder99 · 2022-08-25T19:43:26+00:00

That's your personal decision on what works for you, not just today, but once they are in Middle School and HS, but having said that - It's better to discuss this with kids (if they are older). When we separated, I made a decision to be part of their lives and be truly 50-50 and had a week-on and week-off schedule. That meant being in the same town as ex, the kids having the same school when they are with either one of us and so on. It has it's downside that they kids have two sets of everything and you are limited with your own future prospects when it comes to finding new opportunities for you, but that's where the personal decision comes into the picture. It all depends on how you want to define your relationships with your kids. It's been 4 years, and I wouldn't change a thing about that.

FSstudent · 2022-08-25T22:44:53+00:00

I think there are a ton of important factors here.

My short story as a child growing up in this situation: I had two very young parents split when I was 3, mother was a Meth addict that was VERY good at hiding it from everyone but the multiple failed drug tests as she shifted in and out of employment. Watched her marry another man and do horrible things to him. Left him when my half brother was 3 and I was 13. seemed like a 10 year pattern. Because of the way California courts work my mother got custody of me and moved far away to keep me from my father until she had to concede for Summer and Christmas. Only seeing my stable and ethically sound fathers side of the family on the holidays has put me at a disadvantage in life that is still catching me off guard for the past 30 years. I have been able to build a healthy relationship with my father and undo a lot of this damage. I am still learning how to be a good husband and father from my wife's family because I couldn't see it from my own in those years. I was lucky my stepfather for the 8 years I had him was such a good guy(although I didn't really understand that until I grew up) I could have gone down a much much worse path.

Moral of my story, it all depends on the quality of male figures around that can replace you in your kids life when your absent. I know that sounds harsh but if you become unavailable they will go elsewhere.. A well balanced individual needs the entire tool set both parents offer( in a general way) If you think what you're offering can be replaced/or is unhealthy etc then moving away shouldn't be an issue. Teenage years are still important. This is the age kids can really screw up their entire future without guidance. In a perfect world we prepared them to be independent and capable by teenage years but we all know the world is far from perfect.

I think only you can answer this for yourself honestly. I hope this was constructive for you.

simjanes2k · 2022-08-25T23:12:11+00:00

I'm not here to judge, everyone has their own family.

But I cannot imagine having less than 80% of my kids time, much less not even every week. The mere thought terrifies me.

47omek · 2022-08-26T00:17:02+00:00

Teenagers are not going to want to travel hundreds of miles away from their friends/activities/jobs for a month at a time over the summer, and at that point they can pretty much vote with their feet and it won't matter what a custody order says. Your plan is a recipe for failure if you want to have a meaningful relationship with your children in their teenage years.

KLA-JR · 2022-08-26T00:50:24+00:00

My stbxw moved out (literally 3 minutes away) in April, with my 12yo daughter. Anyhow, I filed about 2 weeks later. Lawyer told me to keep track of the overnights. As it stands, Dad: 122, Mom: 21, 12 of those nights were from April. We are in 50/50 agreement but the child does not want to sleep there and won’t say why. I couldn’t imagine it being the other way around, but I do keep that in mind when it zones to her mother trying to get her to stay overnight.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-08-26T09:44:02+00:00

> moving several hours away and only having them for a month in the summer.

You're basically saying you want the mother to do all of the heavy lifting as a parent. You can't be involved in their day to day when you live hours away from them. You can't attend parent-teacher meetings, you can't attend their extracurriculars, you don't get to meet their friends, you don't get to meet their first boy/girlfriend, you don't get to see them go to prom, you don't get to teach them how to drive, etc etc.

The time to establish the relationship you want with them as an adult is when they are a teenager. You won't make up time lost "later".

Instead of moving further away, you should consider moving closer -- to their school district.

hombredelgato · 2022-08-26T13:09:49+00:00

There is something healthy and wonderful about the answers in this thread. I'm also impressed by the gentleness of the responses to OP.

I divorced for my kids sake as much as for myself. Being here, stable, calm, engaged, focused and available for them is paying off in tremendous ways. What was missing in my relationships with them when I was married is beginning to be rectified, and I am so grateful for the chance to connect with them in meaningful ways. I am optimistic for their personal growth and emotional health as they enter the future. At this point in my journey, THEY are my first focus because there is only a few years left (too few) before they start their journeys into adulthood. Knowing I have a chance to prepare them without the degrading influence of the toxic relationship I was in brings me peace.

Title	Custody schedule
Author	banguitar
Upvotes	4
Comments	20
Date	August 25, 2022 4:33 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wxitjm/custody_schedule/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/custody-schedule.1129372 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129372

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