Has anyone changed their mind?

Front-Lion-5098 · 2022-10-01T03:36:27+00:00

Reread what you wrote bro. You summed up why you did the D. Put her parents over you. Worked 7 days to provide and for a step daughter who tolerated you. Nuff said

Remarkable-Potato21 · 2022-10-01T03:52:31+00:00

Hey brother, you said it days ago in a comment. It's like a broken vase that can not be fixed. Steer the course and ultimately focus on yourself first. Putting everything else first except yourself does something to a man. There is no right from wrong in your decision. You're allowed to feel what you feel. Happiness is so personal. It's your own definition. I didn't end my marriage, but I also see it for what it was. I would have kept giving everything I had and been left with nothing emotionally. For me, 10 months separated has been very eye opening. I have not changed at all. I just gained perspective and learned how to let go completely. I worry less, I fear the future less, I embrace everyday like it's a gift. Someone commented once a long the lines of "if you can't enjoy sitting alone with yourself, why would anyone else." I felt that. It takes courage to walk away. I respect that. You have to respect and trust your decision.

SanMiguelDayAllende · 2022-10-01T03:41:50+00:00

Of course everones different, but omg I feel like I have the rest of my life back. Divorce was worth every penny. Happiness didn't happen in 6 months though. It's a process.

BlackHoleSlurpy · 2022-10-01T03:58:36+00:00

This is why I'd never enter into a stepparent relationship. I've had a stepdad for 35 years and the way he treats me vs his other two bio children is night and day. He even treats his nieces, nephews, grandkids, and everyone else superb and just tolerates me. I'd never want to be a stepdad because of that. You're never truly wanted. "Red-headed stepchild" is a cliche for a reason. You're the red-headed stepdad that your wife latched on to so you could work 7;days to provide for them all at your expense.

Sorry, man. I hope you don't get on the hook for child support for her kid.

JustAnotherBoomer · 2022-10-01T07:30:08+00:00

This is what I have learned: whats done is done.

The_Usual_Suspect__ · 2022-10-01T04:05:44+00:00

Thanks gents I just needed a chin up moment. My guilt is killing me, I'm having insane nightmares. I needed some perspective, some advice, some words..

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-10-01T07:32:46+00:00

It's common to miss what you've grown accustomed to, it's only natural. But undoing damages wrought can essentially create deep resentments. No one appreciates being regurgitated on twice. Accept your choice and make the best of it.

James1933-75 · 2022-10-01T13:50:08+00:00

Just having to work 7 days a week, and not getting any appreciation for it, are you crazy to go back to that? I am not saying you don't love her, but does she really love you?

playerknowmore · 2022-10-01T16:58:16+00:00

I had a fair settlement drawn, and she freaked out. When our oldest got into college money got tight and instead of cutting back; my wife decided that I should make more. I had already took two promotions I didn't want. I put my foot down against getting a second job. She tried to use my ego and guilt to manipulate me. I stood up for myself.

When I handed her the settlement she was destroyed. We didn't talk for a few days. Then she did a one eighty. She allowed me to revisit the budget. All we had to do was take a few months to pay things off. You'd be amazed with how much wiggle room you can get from losing car payments. We both agreed no new cars until the kids graduate. Every now and then I think about peace in solitude, but I love my home and children. I even love my wife.

Three years later we made it through Covid. Kids are doing great. I can't remember our last argument. We even included date night; and weekend getaways.

MightBusiness7231 · 2022-10-01T12:32:23+00:00

You will find love again but you have to get over her. She used you. She didn't love you. You have an empty spot that you're trying to fill and you can't fill it with garbage. Literally thousands of women would be banging down your door for a man like you.

warrior_up · 2022-10-01T14:51:52+00:00

Harder for men, they (she) let go long before you even realize and have options to help soften their initial fall. Keep moving forward - there’s no going back

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-01T15:18:48+00:00

> We did try counseling once for a little.

Counseling is a WOMBAT: waste of money brains and time. You cannot negotiate genuine desire.

This is the best advice I've read about post-divorce happiness and relationships: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=81647

Snake_blitzkill · 2022-10-01T15:43:21+00:00

I would pause and realize any assumptions you have in your mind should not be the driver of your decisions stick to the fact that you weren’t happy, the path has been chosen. Best to stick to path of progress than regression. Stay up King! Enjoy the view on your journey, don’t mind the potholes or bumps, it’s the horizon we’re after.

jeko21 · 2022-10-01T15:55:53+00:00

Stay on course, be patient and give it time. Right now you just miss the routine. Pick up a new hobbie, hit the weights. It will all come together with time.

IcyEntertainment8673 · 2022-10-01T16:43:03+00:00

You’re assuming SHE wants you back, too. Or that she wants to put her kid up to it. Have to explain why you left and came back, if you go back. And even IF she would take you back, you’re risking resentment, some counseling for sure and the fact she may end up leaving YOU.

Stay the course you set. Sounds like you need therapy to determine why you’re unhappy as an individual.

mtb5418 · 2022-10-01T20:26:55+00:00

It just takes time my man there’s a reason why you left. There’s a reason for everything especially the way people don’t change it’s who they are and how their made up. Your gonna go through times of being lonely and thinking about regret. But eventually at the right time you’ll meet somebody that’s will make you rethink everything you ever thought about

CaliDude75 · 2022-10-03T07:01:54+00:00

I briefly flirted with the thought of reconciliation, but got over it. Aspects of the bachelor life are hard/awkward, but definitely better than what I was in.

Title	Has anyone changed their mind?
Author	The_Usual_Suspect__
Upvotes	11
Comments	19
Date	October 1, 2022 3:29 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xskvvt/has_anyone_changed_their_mind/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/has-anyone-changed-their-mind.1133276 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133276

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