I found out two months ago that my boyfriend is a “porn addict”. He’s in therapy and sex addicts anonymous blah blah blah. He hasn’t engaged since, and I’m giving him a second chance. But the betrayal trauma is real, which means that I sometimes have a bad day. Yesterday was one of those. He got a workbook called helping her heal and talking about things got me triggered.

I decided to pull up chaturbate and found a guy with a six pack and huge dick. I showed him the video and talked about how hot it was. I told him since I was mad at him, we weren’t going to have sex. But that I was in the mood, so I was going to go in the bedroom and masturbate while fantasizing about having sex with this guy’s big dick.

He begged me not to do it. I told him he shouldn’t take it personally because it wasn’t any reflection on him. I just wanted to get off. I went into the bedroom and locked the door. He unlocked it and bursted into the room on the verge of tears. I asked him what the big deal was. He proceeded to tell me how much it would hurt him for me to have sexual thoughts and an orgasm to someone else. Lmao.

I know it was petty and unhealthy, but I got a LOT of satisfaction out of it. These men are such a joke. It did lead to a productive conversation though, and I think it was the closest I can get to showing him how his actions have made me feel.