I’ve been with this guy for a year now. He is 6 years younger than I am, and took a nontraditional career path (was in entertainment, now wrapping up a bachelor’s degree in computer science). In contrast, I am pretty established in my career as a doctor, have my loans paid off, and recently started my own business. I have overlooked the difference in educational attainment and financial status (this was prior to finding FDS) because he seems like a HVM in many other regards.  He is physically very attractive, and has kept up his physique through the pandemic.  He has eyes for only me. I am not threatened by other women at all. He was actually active on /r/nofap for some time, and has avoided watching porn at all for several years. He loves my body and our sex life is great.  It has been nice to have a companion during the pandemic. He does thoughtful things like make me coffee most mornings and flowers just because. Thanks to FDS, I now know that when he cooks and cleans (less than 50%), that is the bare minimum, though to be honest, his efforts are still more than any man I’ve been with. I still do a fair amount of emotional labor, and feel like i have to direct him to do chores. To his credit, he is receptive to feedback after sulking for a few hours. He usually comes around and says i have a good point, and does make a sustained effort to change.

My biggest turnoffs are his tendency to procrastinate. Lately, he’s been addicted to motivational videos on YouTube. Preferable to porn, right? That’s what i initially thought, and i thought it was a good thing he was always trying to improve himself.  But looking more closely, I think these videos give him a rush of dopamine without actually putting plans into action.  Right now he's annoyed with me because he quoted one of these videos at me, and I asked him to explain what that clichéd phrase meant to him. The advice he quoted sounded hollow and inactionable to me, so I asked him to explain what it meant to him. He said, "well, *i* got something out of it" and has been giving me the silent treatment since.

He is overly confident in his abilities and overestimates his contributions. He has voluntarily helped in my business, which I'm grateful for, doing perhaps 5% of the work. At one point, we had a fight because he was hurt I did not consider him an equal partner.  Ladies, this business venture has been *entirely* self-funded.

There are a number of home repair projects he’s either not finished or finished poorly. Did i mention he lives with me?  He moved in pre-FDS. There have been times I've thought about asking him to move out. Since he is still a student, I agreed it was fair that he pay me what he paid his last landlord (less than 1/4 of my rent). I wish he would pick up some freelance work for more financial stability, but he's relying on savings and student loans. I'm concerned that he sees how independent I am, and will *never* provide for me. When we go out to eat, more often than not, I have footed the bill. If he doesn't get a job when he finishes his degree, he may be reliant on ME.

What now?  After writing that out, I imagine most of you will say he is *not* a HVM. I guess I wouldn't even be questioning it if that were true. There have been incremental improvements with each fight we've had, but goddamnit. I'm so frustrated that it feels like I'm trying to build this man, and putting more into this relationship than I'm getting out of it. Do I ask him to move out?  Cut my losses and dump him?