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biggestsigh
[–]Altowhovian93FDS Newbie93 points94 points95 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It’s 1.5 months, and this “friend” is causing issues. OP is not invested and would be better off cutting him loose rather than playing head games
[–]iamwildflowersFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know if there was ever a strategic exit strategy it would be now. Perfect time to cut off something that feels off.
[–]MelbournegeekFDS Newbie88 points89 points90 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She's feeling that way because her intuition is telling her what's really the situation there.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Every woman should trust her intuition. We’re told we’re sensitive or crazy for calling them out on their obvious bullshit so often that we start to believe it ourselves. We are sensitive— to lies.
My NVM ex hosted thanksgiving one year for his closest friends and me (we hadn’t been dating long) and one of his friends happened to be a woman, which wasn’t an issue for me in itself but As he got drunker I realized some concerning behaviors; such as touching her lower-back, this weird giddy attitude whenever she laughed at his jokes, constant in-jokes, and finally slipping up and calling her “sweetheart” and “babygirl”. All of this was in full view of everyone by the way (including me and her boyfriend). I was so upset I locked myself in the bathroom and texted my best friend about it. Then at one point when most of the party went out to smoke, her bf casually came up and started chatting. He asked me if we’d been dating long and if I’d ever met any of the group etc etc. I mentioned that it was my first time meeting everyone (like him) and that I didn’t realize that his gf and my bf were such close friends.
After the party ended they apparently got into a huge fight and he broke up with her (wish I’d had the same self-respect) and she then turned around and told my ex that she was ending their friendship because it was clearly inappropriate. He then turned on me of course and accused me of starting shit because I’m crazy and jealous and I must have said something to make her bf so mad because there’s no way his actions could have done that and accused me of trying to make him look bad by locking myself in the bathroom ... anyway, I was dumb as hell 🤡🤡🤡
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Disciple54 points55 points56 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
There’s really only two options here and neither is good.
Either he’s a cheater who enjoys keeping a stable of women on the back burner while gaslighting his current gf (really bad)
Or he’s not interested in her yet playing dumb because he loves the attention and existing in that area of plausible deniability (still very bad and manipulative).
And no I never “give the benefit of the doubt” and believe a man is truly clueless. Come on. He has eyes. He’s a regular human person, familiar with how flirting and boundaries work. Especially if his gf has already said something about it and he digs into denial. Then you know he’s on some bullshit.
[–]AimiHanibalFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Or three - he’s using his current gf to make his “best friend” jealous 🙄
[–]FireflySky86FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It almost seems like he's a surrogate bf to the "friend." She gets extra male attention that she needs to feel validated and he gets an ego stroke plus whatever she does for her own bf like cooking, cleaning, etc. He's got multiple burners going and the OP gets to provide him with sex until he feels like she's too much work.
[–]fdssavedmylifeFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I dated someone with a “friend” like this last year. Same exact situation, his friend’s gf. He had been single for years, so she’d had the luxury of having two guys to give her attention, take her to the movies or dinner, drive her to work, call at 11pm because she’s bored and needs someone to talk to... and the guy I was dating thought it was totally cool to continue this behavior while in a relationship. I’ll pass.
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This just seems like a big old red flag.
[–]NurseBubbleGumFDS Apprentice46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They're intimate 🚩
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YES. Please mods, this needs to be in the Handbook.
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It really should because honestly it comes up soooo much and almost no one has good experiences.
[–]pomfridaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I know what you mean but I hope I can give some insight on why it’s not always the case. I met my best friend studying computer science and it has always been platonic. It’s like having a brother. The difference here is that whenever my friend would meet a gf, I would be eager to become best friends with her too. It sounds pretty strange having a gf for 1.5 years and she only met the female best friend twice... That’s the real problem here. Btw my boyfriend and best friend are also super close. It’s never been an issue.
[–]speechnerdlifeFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
They’ve only been dating 1.5 months.
[–]pomfridaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh my bad
[–]candyfox84FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
ITA
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
She dosent have her own group of friends? Like why be in this toxic ass circle? why doe shse have to prove to another woman that she's good enough, what TF did I just read? ahhahahahhhahahha so many unsolved answers to my questions. It's only been 1.5 months gurl if you don't 1,2, step out of this.
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well the obvious answer is because she's prioritizing the idea of this relationship above her own wellbeing.
I didn't get why she felt she needed to prove anything when this is a wonderful time to see if this guy can prioritize her because so far he's failing.
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. Which soooo many ppl do. It's mind-boggling what ppl will go through and put up with just to say they in a relationship. Disappointing how some ppl don't priorize themselves.
[–]thedrunkcuteblondeFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
C clearly has a thing for J and OP needs to set boundaries ASAP. And from there....it’s a wait and see.
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you need to set boundaries at 1 and a half months because a grown man doesn't know that he has an inappropriately close relationship in his life. Then he's already too much work.
[–]thedrunkcuteblondeFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ooof. You’re right. OPs bf should at the very least admit her feelings are valid and he should do the work
[–]candyfox84FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is why I would never, ever date the guy with "intimate female friends." I know I take a pretty hard line on this compared to some, but it has never worked out well for the woman, in my experience. The only reasons he has this type of friendship are a) he seeks and enjoys the validation, b) he's hasn't yet, but is hoping to sleep with her, or c) he relates to women better than he does to men. All of these are red flags. Watch her try to cut this woman out of his life and he has a total meltdown. Just ask yourself, why would my partner prioritize another woman over me? Manly men don't cultivate friendships with women.
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't have such a hard line against female friends but I would say if I were in this particular situation I would be like I'm going to pass on this relationship because this guy has already decided that even though C is the problem it's up to OP to be patient and fix it. And worse, OP actually thinks she needs to find a solution. "How do I prove to C I'm good enough" Fuck that. No. C is the one who isn't good enough because she didn't learn how to play well with others.
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just can’t with this- USE A PSEUDONYM!!! Don’t write a long ass convoluted story like it’s the absolute worst calculus problem ever.
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[–]Altowhovian93FDS Newbie93 points94 points95 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]iamwildflowersFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MelbournegeekFDS Newbie88 points89 points90 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pickmieshaexorcistFDS Disciple54 points55 points56 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]AimiHanibalFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FireflySky86FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fdssavedmylifeFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 44 points45 points46 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NurseBubbleGumFDS Apprentice46 points47 points48 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (7 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 43 points44 points45 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pomfridaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]speechnerdlifeFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pomfridaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]candyfox84FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple22 points23 points24 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 17 points18 points19 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ceilingkatwatchesusFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thedrunkcuteblondeFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 47 points48 points49 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]thedrunkcuteblondeFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]candyfox84FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]biggestsighFDS Newbie[S] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link