Male acquaintance wants to "hang out"

yellaochre · 2023-11-13T01:53:55+00:00

Steer clear. He’s texting you at 1am and knows you have a partner? Red flag 🚩

I’d say that your schedule is filling up due to the holidays and maybe down the road you could initiate a “double date” but truthfully I’d just keep work and personal lives separate- this does not seem like a guy who is legitimately trying to be your friend.

GildedFirefly · 2023-11-13T02:07:02+00:00

That dude is testing the water. Be noncommittal and say your schedule is busy right now. No in-depth explanation needed. No one randomly texts at 1am without ulterior motives.

ForeverChanged0623 · 2023-11-13T01:54:35+00:00

As someone whose spouse cheated on them, it’s never good to hang out with the opposite sex 1x1 if they aren’t a friend of both. I mean, obviously cheating happens then as well, both that’s kind of the golden rule.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-11-13T04:04:37+00:00

Your recently single friend who is texting you at booty call hours and wants to hang out one-on-one is not a friend.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-11-13T02:19:10+00:00

If this was me I would have asked my man how to respond to the 1am text. Your boyfriend knows he did that, right?

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-11-13T03:33:01+00:00

Guy is trying to get in your pants. I would hard deny. You can just keep saying you’re really busy and he will get the hint, ESPECIALLY if you say you’re busy to him but talk about all your free time at work.

Marissa_Smiles · 2023-11-13T16:17:45+00:00

I think it’s fine to say you don’t hang out with men 1 on 1 other than your husband/boyfriend/fiancé. I’ve never had any push back on it and in fact I’ve definitely saved myself from a few awkward situations.

buttermiIk · 2023-11-13T10:44:41+00:00

Ah a situation happened yesterday where I had to turn a dude down for hangout, I told him sorry I don’t hang out with men 1 on 1 outside of romantic reasons, and he said he understood and respect that

BFEDTA · 2023-11-13T02:59:18+00:00

At first, I was thinking if he was a colleague who seemed to have genuine intentions to suggest inviting other work friends and make it a group hangout. But you know what his 1 am text meant. He’s feeling you out: stay polite but be clear you’re not down for what he wants

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-11-13T09:03:28+00:00

I was hoping someone had something that sounds better than the typical "I have a boyfriend" which he already knows.

If he knows you have a bf then why is he texting you at 1 am and asking you out? I have some female friends whom I have no interest in doing the horizontal bone dance with, and I don’t text them at 1am or do anything that would put them in a bad spot with their men.

Oh, and when I text a married woman, I copy the husband as a courtesy so there are never any “misunderstandings.” And it is very rare for me to be alone with a married woman or even one who has a bf. The only exceptions to this involve long-standing friendships - the wife of one of my fraternity brothers would sometimes come to NYC and I would meet her for dinner or attend functions with her where she needed an escort and he was unable to attend - or where the guy asked me to do so - a guy I knew socially once asked me if I could give his gf a lift from Boston to NYC on a day he knew I was going anyway. Always keep things above board.

So this is the Dark Lord of TRP^TM telling you this. You don’t owe this guy an explanation. Just say “As you know, I have a bf, and, out of respect for each other, we don’t do hangouts or 1-on-1s with members of the opposite sex. It’s nothing personal, but I must decline.” If he persists simply say “I’m sorry, but the answer is no,” and then decline to discuss it any further.

foxesgloves · 2023-11-13T07:58:00+00:00

You might end up having to impolitely and in no uncertain terms tell him to eff off

I had a guy like this at my last place of work, I told my man I felt uncomfortable that this guy wouldn’t leave me alone but I could not get him to back off. My boyfriend said he didn’t trust him and that he was worried about what this guy would do. He invited me on a work night out and I went thinking others would be there (they wernt) and sat opposite him while he downed two pints, when he started on about my sex life is exited myself from the conversation.

My boyfriend told me after that to cut him off and I didn’t listen because I was worried about work relationships, didn’t take long for him to push things to far and I did cut him off

I wish I’d just listened in the first place and not tried to pussyfoot around things.

Leonhart93 · 2023-11-13T14:22:31+00:00

He has ulterior motives. At least you understand that it's an inappropriate situation, but I am appalled that a lot of women don't see anything wrong with that kind of situation (or pretend that they don't).

CommGeekGirl · 2023-11-14T06:59:51+00:00

Here’s the thing: men having access to you boosts their social status with other men. And men literally can’t see women they’re not interested in. Those women are invisible to them. So alone time with you boosts this guy’s social capital when he’s contributed nothing to you and he finds you attractive or you’d be invisible to him.

Why do you care more about upsetting the dude than respecting your relationship boundaries?

It’s easy to say “I love and respect my boyfriend. We both aren’t comfortable with each other being around the opposite sex alone. Sorry.”

If he gets upset it’s most likely because you see through him and know your value and he can’t get access to you. Some men only respect the presence of other men. There’s nothing wrong with saying the men in your life are protective of you.

littlestircrazy · 2023-11-13T02:52:03+00:00

If he's a coworker like it sounds, you could suggest a happy hour with all of your coworkers rather than just him and you. (I say this because holidays only last so long and he'd likely start asking again in the new year otherwise).

But I agree, I see no reason to hang out with him one on one, especially since he's texting at 1am knowing you have a partner already.

Spiritual-Welcome657 · 2023-11-13T13:12:20+00:00

As a dude with a fair bit of platonic female friends, I never look to make them uncomfortable.

I’am not the typical nice guy people think of, I won’t buy girls drinks since I myself am against drinking, smoking or other substances, and fair bit of my friends have BFs, usually I don’t force contact with them other then checking in on them, while if I can meeting their BFs and setting a good example and good faith with them, as I myself would be even more conservative.

Every guy knows what it means when a guy is consistently talking with a girl who is taken.

SquirrelofLIL · 2023-11-13T13:09:03+00:00

Is this possible to hangout in an open and mixed gender space such as a mall food court? Usually the issue is seclusion in an enclosed space.

PostivelyNegative · 2023-11-13T15:59:00+00:00

Idk I might be in a mania rn, or I'm just generally a psycho, but if a man from my missus workplace was texting her at 1am I'd knock him out

AutoModerator · 2023-11-13T01:27:42+00:00

Title: Male acquaintance wants to "hang out"

Author Lacholaweda

Full text: He's a good guy. But my boyfriend and I have a kind of agreement not to hang out 1 on 1 with the other sex unless their S/O is there.

People say that seems controlling, but it just seems weird to us. Like we put time and effort into eachother and see it as kind of emotional cheating or just opening a possibility of complications that doesn't need to be there.

My problem is how to say that without upsetting the dude? Again he was cool at work but I can't hang out like he's suggesting.

It just doesn't feel appropriate.

I'm thinking I'll just have to tell him like that but I was hoping someone had something that sounds better than the typical "I have a boyfriend" which he already knows.

Also he's recently single and texted me at like 1 am asking whats up? I didnt answer until the next day when the sun was up. But it just had that vibe if you know what I mean.

Thanks for reading!

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ClassicDevice9690 · 2023-11-27T20:56:55+00:00

Don’t do it. That dude is just trying to clap some cheeks and it wouldn’t be fair to your man.

Title	Male acquaintance wants to "hang out"
Author	Lacholaweda
Upvotes	26
Comments	51
Date	November 13, 2023 1:27 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/17tzfrj/male_acquaintance_wants_to_hang_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/male-acquaintance-wants-to-hang-out.1238287 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238287

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