This might be a little long, but i want to share my story with any one out there who might identify as an incel, or is a part of the manosphere as it were. In no way am I shaming or using this as a platform to to denigrate the red pill community or women. Im just sharing my experience in an attempt to help people that might feel this way.

I used my teenage years and pretty much all of my 20s, and focused on women rather then take care of myself physically, mentally and financially. I took great care in cultivating my ability to get women after going a lifetime of being a blue pill cuck, and even though I didn't go to college for very long, I was dug in pretty deep with psychology, and i used that knowledge to get girls into bed. This was a superficial knowledge with a very limited range of affectiveness, because once I got the girl in bed, I had zero idea how to maintain a healthy relationship, so I confused sex with intimacy and love, and would often fall in "love" with the women I Hooked up with, and I would say 98% of the these women would reject me, by telling me they weren't looking for a boyfriend, then immediately get a boyfriend after me.

I pretty much became a fuck boy and was used for sex. If the 15 year old incel self could see what I've accomplished in the bedroom, that he would be high fiving all day, but I wish I could tell that younger self that getting what I wanted didn't give me a single shred of self respect or fill the gigantic void that has been present for the bulk of my life.

I'm only 39, and Incel was a term that no one had ever heard of at the time, and there was no support like there is today. I was a Typical incel, with a typical back story, but came from a family of drug addiction, and violence. I had an intense fear of abandonment having witnessed my mother attempt suicide when I was 5, and that fear would dictate the direction in which my life was steered. All I could ever think about was how much getting a girlfriend would fix me, or validate me, or more importantly, would be a sign to everyone that ever bullied me for being ugly and fat that not only do I exist, but that I was entitled to sex for being the nice guy.

I was very Insecure, over weight, socially awkward kid, and didn't really have my first real kiss or have sex until I was 22. I very slowly started learning how to read people, and realized I could gleam lots of information from body language, and also started going to school for psychology. I read as much as I could about how and why people do what they do, but the book that changed everything was M.A.C.K tactics. It was written by a hostage negotiator got las vegas police, which requires years of psychological training and could apply this knowledge toward meeting women. It was very practical, science based understanding of both men and women, and helped give me a lot of confidence.

One thing that helped me land girls, was moving out of Los Angeles to a rural town in Southern Oregon with a population of around 50,000. I quickly learned that when there is a shortage of eligible bachelors, and it dramatically alters how you attract and maintain a relationship. Conservative women find things attractive than most women in Los Angeles don't, so personality goes a long way. When my confidence went up, and I had a small business, and knew how to dress, and I was able to start landing the types of women I had always wanted.

I really didn't have many standards, and was so insecure that I craved the attention of any women at all times. The more women I slept with, the more I thought it validated me, and some how was giving me revenge against everyone that had ever called me fat or ugly. I didn't trust women, and was afraid to date because of how easy it was for me to fall in love. The more I attempted to push women away, the more they would come at me. I was very vocal in my disdain for dating, and told these girls I had zero interest in dating and it worked like gang busters. I slept with well over 120 women, and used to keep a list, but it started becoming ridiculous. Not only was I an alcoholic and a drug addict, but I was addicted to sex, and this new power I felt I had over women. I could do to them what they did to me, and in my mind, if I didn't hurt them first, thy would undoubtedly hurt me, so I took it upon myself as a duty, to right the wrongs that I perceived was done to me.

There wasn't a single bit of happiness I derived from how I lived my life. Im 39, severely depressed, lonely, and terrified to connect with women or men for that matter. I focused all of my energy all of the time towards changing my self for the validation and respect of others. Well I got more then I bargained for, because I didn't think of the future. I used so many drugs from such an early age that I have forever altered my brain. I struggle with doing simple things and im relegated to working at a gas station in the middle of nowhere with no family to call my own, and live with my parents.

I never really lost the bad boy persona that gave me all of these things, but high value women will fuck guys like me when they are slumming it, but won't be caught dead dating. Im here to try and pass on some of my wisdom and knowledge to help people that are in a similar situation to avoid the pitfalls that I've endured. Im here to tell you that putting so much of your perceived value into thinking that having a woman will make you happier. If you don't take the time to learn about yourself, and make positive life choices then you can never truly be happy. If you aren't fulfilled as a person, you have no business dating. And THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! there is nothing wrong with you if you can't get a girlfriend or have sex. Im here to tell the Elliot Rodgers of the world that sex does not fix anything. I won't lie.... at first it does feel like it changes everything, but if you make no attempt to fix what's broke with a professional, than you will aquire no deeper understanding of yourself or the women you hope to obtain.

I'm giving you guys the cliff notes, but I have many years and MANY stories about how to read and understand people, if anyone is interested in hearing them. I want to help people, and the only way I know how is to share my story and try to connect with someone on a deeper level which is what you should be doing for yourself if you share similar ideas.

Any way, thanks for reading if you got this far.