Preparing for divorce

Sepean · 2020-06-24T07:21:57+00:00

Have read Rational Male and Preventative Medicine. I’m half way through the sidebar.

Rollo's book are more sociological observations than actionable advice. Read the first books on the sidebar.

I know you think you've tried everything, but really you haven't done shit. The 101 sidebar will tell you what to do, and if you can follow the strategy outlined, you will fix yourself and that will almost certainly improve your marriage, to a degree you wouldn't believe possible. I went from a wife who barely ever wanted sex and when we had it she seemed bored or disgusted, to having a sweet, loving wife who I can't imagine ever turning me down. If I want a blowjob, I just zip down. I've coached clients through the same process, and it is always the same - all the talking and counselling and trying to please her didn't do shit, but when they learn game and how to hold frame, sex and love return.

If you want to take that path with your wife, or too much have happened between you so you want a divorce anyway, that's your choice. But you have to understand, you got in this mess because of how you behave, and if you don't do the work now you'll have to do it with your next girl, or you'll end up the same.

Here's what I wrote on when to next your wife in this old post: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/37l2q0/when_to_next_your_wife/

A lot of new guys are coming here and they're at their rope's end. Some can't handle the frustration anymore, some can't imagine they'll ever get over the hatred they feel for their wife, some are sure their wife really is a bitch and they want someone better.

Others seem intent on saving a marriage even though their wife is probably never going to become pleasant company.

The answer I wanted to give to all of them seemed to center around the same few principles, so here is my take on when to next your wife.

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Time changes everything

I've been at that place where my wife had hurt me so bad so many times I thought she'd killed all feeling for her and I just wanted to hurt her back. I could not imagine it ever working again.

But the fact is that months later we're having lots of great sex, we're happy, and all that's under the bridge. My wife is still capable of being the meanest bitch on Earth, but she's not that way towards me anymore.

All of us has had something bad happen to us and at the time it seemed we would never get over it, but then we did. This could well happen with your wife once she stops being a rejecting bitch. You will not despise your wife forever.

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Except the things that don't change

The red pill is mainly going to change one thing in your wife: her desire for you.

I have a heuristic I use to find out what people are capable of when they're properly motivated. I look at them at their best. Most people can be shitty friends or shitty workers when they don't care, but look at how they do when their heart is in it. If your wife is and always was a lazy, fat slob that never got along with anyone and couldn't hold a job, you have no chance of turning her into a good wife. Such people just don't have it in them to work up the effort to fight for even their important relationships. But if she is popular among her friends, she can become good company. If she works hard at her job or to take care of the kids, she can work hard for you.

So look at her when she's at her best. Even if you alpha up to the max, you're not going to get better than that. Some women just don't have the energy, self discipline, or agreeableness it takes to become enjoyable company.

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The grass is greener on the other side

Unless your wife is fucking your brains out, this is a fucking fantasy. Assuming you didn't marry someone that actually is worthless, the problem is you, not her. How your wife treats you is an accurate reflection of your level of alphaness. If you read all the red pill stories about how people are spinning plates and think your life as a single man will be like that, the truth is that you have some work to do.

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Dread games

Some dread games are always a good idea, but if you're thinking about leaving your wife, they're essential. This guide by /u/BluepillProfessor has a great take on the approach. Read it.

The thing about running dread is that not only does it make your wife realize your value - it also lets you know how well you're really doing and what your alternatives are. It is pointless to leave your wife to spin plates and then finding out that you suck at flirting, don't like it, or have lower SMV than you thought. Dread games lets you gauge your actual progress and gets you out of the idea that your wife is the source of all problems. If you can't pick up women, the problem is you.

When you can pick up other women, you're doing great. You're alpha. You're ready to decide if your future is staying married or nexting her.

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Next her right

If you are going to next her, don't do it in the heat of the moment. Prepare. Talk to a lawyer, hide finances, get proof you need to not get fucked over in the custody battle. The consequences are going to stay with you for years - enduring marriage for a few more weeks is going to be worth it.

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TL;DR

Patience. Calm down. Realize that your wife will change and with that your feelings towards her.
Look at your wife at her best, when she is working for something important for her. If she sucks at that, she's a lost cause; next her. Otherwise, the problem is you, not her.
Improve yourself, lift and lead.
Play dread games. When you can flirt successfully with other women, your wife is going to be wet for you too; this is the time you want to decide if you want a divorce, not before.
If you still want to next her, see a lawyer and prepare properly.

into_being · 2020-06-24T05:36:34+00:00

Holy fucking dumpster fire, you have work to do... in addition to reading and digesting the existing tomes of divorce resources on MRP... here's a couple quick thoughts from my experience.

QUIETLY get a lawyer, plan for the end. You're a fool and a coward if you don't at least prepare your plan. Your rationalizations and fence-sitting play into her advantage. Call 3 lawyers tomorrow, schedule initial consults, and go prepared with financials and come to terms with the battlefield ASAP.
Get ready to "file first" and take the legal advantage.
Zero-out. You will 'lose' more than you're ready to. Whether that's time with your kids, money in your accounts, alimony on weekly basis, retirement that's 'yours', a house that was a "home". Every month you don't prepare and act only increases the gravity of these losses.
You must prepare to lose even your relationships and esteem among common friends, colleagues, in-laws. You will be painted as the bad-guy. You must learn to live with this. In the end, it's never worthwhile to play the shit-talking or drama games.
Embrace being the bad guy. Read "never split the difference" and play hard when it's time to do so. Demand more than you really want and offer concessions on the things you never really wanted to begin with.

This will likely be an important and painful pivot point in your life. Don't forget to focus on your kids. Focus on your love for them and yourself. This is not the time to play petty drama games. This is the time to focus on the important things like health, growth and exhibit to your kids strength amidst the chaos and pain of unwinding a family unit. Prepare for dark days and the liberation that follows.

It's a process. It takes 4x as much time and sucks more and costs more than it should. It won't fix your fuckedupedness. Divorce only ends the marriage.

Be well.

BobbyPeru · 2020-06-24T05:15:51+00:00

So you were arguing with her a lot, and you married her. Now, you’re still arguing a lot.

Did you not learn the first rule of MRP - STFU, never argue with a woman?

You tell us 2 books you read, and then say you read half the sidebar. Which one is it?

This post is all a out her. Tell us what you learned by reading and following MRP....

You’ve learned nothing- including your MRP time. You will likely get divorced and repeat the same train wreck with another woman.

AlohaMaui808 · 2020-06-24T05:01:30+00:00

In the MRP sidebar you'll find the divorce prep section.

You need to suck it up for the short term and STFU about your desire to divorce if you want to have the best outcome for yourself and your children.

The divorce section is now your Bible. Read it, then reread it, then make yourself a plan of action with all the steps you will need to take to have 6 months of journal entries, records, and documentation backing up you as the better positioned parent for full custody (this will hopefully give you the leverage to ensure 50/50 custody if things go poorly and a power move of generosity if things go well that will help ensure some good will - don't get greedy unless she is actually a danger to your children)

^{^{^}} this part is key since your wife is so opposed to the divorce

I'd also suggest that you encourage her to get a better job/income over the next 6 months. It will help lessen any alimony.

Take it or leave it - my guess is you're too much of a faggot to be an Oak for 6 months while you prepare for successful divorce proceedings.

Prove me wrong.

johneyapocalypse · 2020-06-24T03:58:24+00:00

"I joined the military and proposed when you came to visit me."

Freudian slip?

So, anything I need to do?

Hire an attorney dumbass.

You might not just get divorce raped, you might even get divorce lynched.

She went crazy + Threatened to divorce rape me =/= I agreed to try counseling.

justpickanyusername · 2020-06-24T04:10:27+00:00

Read the divorce advice section on the sidebar. If you don't know what a sidebar is, use your computer and not your phone to browse Reddit.

SBIII · 2020-06-24T12:46:22+00:00

It sounds like neither of you provide any value to each other.

Why are you even still married?

DrBeaufort · 2020-06-25T04:04:46+00:00

Similar situation here- I'm white and my wife is black, and the current situation is overwhelming to her, and nearly all she can think or talk about. I've had regular accusations of white privilege and even white supremacy for not talking about it as much as her, even though I am the furthest thing from that. All I can say is that if you have any desire to fix the relationship, you should try to understand how viscerally terrifying recent events have been to black people, and support her. Tell her you understand and let her just relax on you while you hold her. If you're new to TRP, you might just be going RAMBO and need to calm down and work on yourself instead of blowing things up- if the problem is you, you won't be better off with anyone else.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2020-07-19T04:54:29+00:00

A major issue is when one person goes through their personal hell to finally decide to divorce and they let the cat out of the bag and verbalize. That is NOT the time to go to marriage counseling. The relationship is over for you. Your STBX would have to be supermodel hot and bring in 7-figure salty for you to justify staying. But and aging, angry woman that doesn’t put out?!

Here’s the thing; YOU are the problem. You allowed and encouraged all of this. Your STBX is really the only person that can help you unfuck yourself. You need to take time and put in the work to figure out why you are such a Blue Pussy so that you don’t do the same things in your next relationship.

red-sfpplus · 2020-06-24T16:03:54+00:00

Let her have all the money, stuff and kids.

Fuck it all.

Go enjoy your life.

The_new_Todd · 2020-06-24T13:55:52+00:00

Get a fucking lawyer ASAP! Keep a log of everything, all conversations, purchases, time with the kids, etc.

a-little-spice · 2020-06-24T19:48:15+00:00

Read “fuck it, get a divorce”. It really puts life into perspective. It’s just a marriage that didn’t work like millions and millions of others. It’s no big deal.

JameisBong · 2020-07-08T10:15:39+00:00

Omg bro you married a black feminist? Worst idea ever, lol and I'm black.

Divorce is the right move, all the best she will make your life hell so prepare accordingly.

Title	Preparing for divorce
Author	The_new_Todd
Upvotes	21
Comments	50
Date	June 24, 2020 3:47 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/heto3x/preparing_for_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/preparing-for-divorce.700028 https://theredarchive.com/post/700028

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