Would you do it all again?

ChokingDownRP · 2020-12-01T17:32:30+00:00

If you're looking at it as trading in doing all the other things you love, then no, don't get married. You need to have the mentality that you're going to live your life, on your terms and you're inviting her along. The reason most of us are here is that we didn't approach it this way, we gave up hobbies, friends, etc for a woman and it resulted in severe disappointment.

part_wolf · 2020-12-01T16:25:38+00:00

I'd do it again but I'd also be less of a fat lazy bitch about it too.

BobbyPeru · 2020-12-01T17:26:03+00:00

You’re too young to get married.

Live your life for you. Don’t ask internet strangers.

SBIII · 2020-12-01T20:10:38+00:00

This girl would make a good wife and mother and I realize they're not easy to find these days.

Scarcity mentality at it's finest. There's a few billion women in the world. You could literally find thousands that could fit this bill within a 200 mile radius of where you are now.

You're 25. You'd be a fucking idiot to get married at that age.

Thundersnow69 · 2020-12-01T16:36:33+00:00

Definitely would not get married again. And my situation isn’t even that bad. Keep investing in yourself either way. Abundance mentality is key to success!

ChocolatePoo82 · 2020-12-01T18:09:16+00:00

I make good money for my age, I'm in a local rock band, I'm building my own business, I live alone, I race motocross, I backcountry ski, and the idea of trading all this freedom so soon into my life is turning me off to the whole idea.

If you choose a great wife and you're a great captain, you don't have to give away any of those freedoms. (Except living alone of course). Having to stop having fun and having hobbies when you get married is a myth perpetuated by spineless men who give up, fall asleep at the wheel force their woman take over their lives.

man_in_the_world · 2020-12-01T18:45:02+00:00

Yes. I've had many interesting adventures, missions, and activities in my life, but (to my surprise) none has been more interesting than engaging with and raising my children well.

If I had a do-over, I'd have kids a year or two earlier, not later; the cool stuff I did with my empty-nest freedom in my 50s was better than the seemed-so-cool-at-the-time stuff I was doing in my late 20s. YMMV.

Ubermensch33 · 2020-12-01T16:54:21+00:00

I'm 10 years older than you and glad I didn't marry at that age. But that's because I didn't have my shit together as much as I do now. There's nothing inherently wrong/bad about marrying then, and there can be lots of advantages - it's just that most guys don't know who they are or what they really want at that age. If you do, and she's on board, then great. Do what you want.

Right now you're still thinking that she's somewhat of a unicorn. She isn't. In 10 years you'll be able to find a 25 year old to marry if you want to. You shouldn't get married if you're coming from a place where you lack abundance, don't have a clear mission/plan, and feel pressured. If she can pressure you into marrying, what won't she be able to manipulate you into doing? That's not the frame you want to start a life with.

stoicstephen · 2020-12-01T16:54:10+00:00

I on the other hand am not really thinking about this at all at this point in my life and it's making me anxious.

Normally human beings get anxious when they are facing a situation where they are not in control, or when they are afraid of acting on it.

With that in mind you should ask yourself if you are in her frame (I guess you are, or you wouldn't be anxious about this).

Look...

We are not here to decide for YOU if you should marry anytime soon.

The answer to your real problem is that you should get that 20% BF down to at least 14%.

The rest is up to you to decide.

PutABabyInThat · 2020-12-01T17:54:02+00:00

"I'm afraid of losing her so should I just change my whole life to do what she wants, even though it's not what I want?"

mabden · 2020-12-01T18:24:24+00:00

Married 40 years this February, lived together 4 years, and knew each other for 3 years prior. I knew this chick better than she knew herself. Understood all the variables going into a marriage and made a conscious decision at age 25. I wanted kids and this prompted me to marry up. Otherwise, I would have been content just living together and going common law.

Before getting together; (age 18 - 21) I traveled, lived, experienced, gamed, loved and lost. At the time we started living together, I had a job in the trades and was going to night school. Had no interest in gaming other chicks as the scene was old and I was tired of dealing with all the head games these chicks played.

Would I do things differently at any stage in my life, you bet. However, the overall course of events, I would not. Given a choice, I would marry this chick again.

Side note: As we were prepping for the marriage, she asked the question, what if anything happened between us. I was unsure of the gist of the question, but stated, If anything happened, you can have everything, all I want is my backpack, sleeping bag and dog. You would never see me again and I would never remarry.

Anyway, my brief summary, for what it's worth.

SteveSan82 · 2020-12-02T07:06:00+00:00

You’re too young. A woman out for beta bucks will lay off the shit tests and be sexual.

Once you marry her, competition anxiety goes out the window and the shit tests will go extreme if you fail them enough. Kiss the sex goodbye.

Women seeking marriage will always act perfect to win you over. My wife did it. My friends wives did it.

nantucketghost · 2020-12-04T16:05:56+00:00

Absolutely. You will always have the freedom to do what you want. That's the point. Set up the ground work and rules in a relationship first.

My wife will be the first one to push me out the door. Women want to know you're still doing cool stuff like backcountry skiing. Gives them something to brag about.

The other side of it is that in some areas of life you can also bring her along. Show her all the cool things you can do and have her enjoy it also. Women want to come along for the ride too at times.

Taught my wife how to ski, etc. Lots of things I do isn't her thing, so I just go do it without her.

I got married younger than you. No regrets.

Nodeal_reddit · 2020-12-02T13:56:12+00:00

Marriage isn’t necessarily a trade-off of freedom. You could still do all that stuff with the right wife. However, it is a financial trade off. You make a government-enforceable contract with this person promising 50% of all your income and assets. The question is what are you getting in return for this promise.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2020-12-02T18:41:18+00:00

I wouldn’t marry until 35+ personally. You aren’t even close to your “prime” while shes knocking on that door.

InChargeMan · 2020-12-01T17:07:08+00:00

You have my blessing.

bob--man · 2020-12-01T21:19:21+00:00

25 years old

I've been in a good LTR for 3 years now

a 26-year-old woman

Lots of contradictions here...

First off, you are 25 years old. You are too young to be in a relationship, let alone, think about marriage. Secondly, you have been in a relationship for three years and you are asking random guys on MRP what you should do... We can't answer that for you. Marry her, break up with her, demote her to plate - I don't care. Lastly, why are you in a relationship with a woman who is older than you? Go and hit the sidebar and lift heavy.

bliceroquququq · 2020-12-01T19:29:15+00:00

You've gotten some good replies already, but realize there are all sorts of couples and all sorts of marriages. If you get married, your life can still be full of all the stuff you want in it, along with a wife, or it can be filled with lots of shit you don't want, along with a wife. If the latter happens to you, it's 99% because you were a lazy cunt and let it happen.

For my part, I've got a good wife, I'd do it again. But for you, you've just got to be honest with yourself about what you want. If you know deep down you don't want to marry your girlfriend, be honest with yourself and with her. Her SMV is stating to wane just like any woman her age, and it would be chickenshit to let her think she's got a future with you if know that she doesn't. If she does but not right now, let her know that too and she can make her own decisions.

ancient_resistance · 2020-12-01T23:21:33+00:00

I make good money for my age, I'm in a local rock band, I'm building my own business, I live alone, I race motocross, I backcountry ski, and the idea of trading all this freedom so soon into my life is turning me off to the whole idea.

So don't do it. Not yet at least.

The fact is, marriage and kids are a huge investment. They will take time and money away from hobbies, but they will also give you things and experiences that nothing else can, especially into old age.

The advice here is solid--do what you want--but which you are we talking about? Because there's the 25 year old you, and probably the 35 and 45 and 55 and 65+ year old you to think about. There's a ditch on both sides: over-optimizing for now, and over-optimizing for later. The trick is balancing your life so as many of those versions of yourself get as much of what they want as possible.

If I could do it all over again, I would get married, and probably even to the same woman--but I would have spent a lot more time growing myself up, doing shit I wanted to do first. But I think the spirit of your question is something like "is it worth it to trade in some of my near-term success for potential long-term benefit." The answer is ultimately up to you, but since you asked me, my answer is "yes, but stay focused on yourself and don't trade in everything. set boundaries, don't rush into anything, get your shit in order, and build your own frame that you invite your wife into instead of the other way around."

2020-12-27T05:25:32+00:00

I wouldn't if I were you. Also if she can't handle you waiting longer then that's a bad sign too.

RicoDunne · 2020-12-01T18:48:33+00:00

you have a concept of marriage as being governed by rules and a loss of freedom. If you control the frame, then you control your freedom.

If by freedom you mean plates and all, then that's a different story, and marriage would make that more difficult.

If you mean options in life choices, then you still have those being married.

It's kids that limit options (you don't have to be married to have these), as they take time/commitment to raise quality off-spring.

business---travel · 2020-12-01T21:16:33+00:00

25 years old

Way too young to be thinking about marriage...

Sidebar, lift heavy, and focus on you.

ArgentinaMRP · 2020-12-01T21:24:27+00:00

Absolutely DO NOT get married in your twenties. That's so fucking stupid. Why are you in relationship anyway? Care to explain? You seem to know all about TRP, but fail to understand the basics around the main priority - you. You also have a scarcity mindset since you think this is the only woman who can provide you with kids and family life.

For those of you who were in my shoes and chose to marry at this stage in life, would you do it again?

I wish I didn't fuck around in two relationships in my twenties that were going absolutely nowhere. I would have left early and kept working on myself instead of trying to placate the women and not make myself the prize. That's what I would have done in my twenties. I can't speak for every guy here, but most of them would agree with me on some level. You are on a freight train heading to marriage station, followed by divorce since you aren't on MRP hard mode.

Cam_Winston21 · 2020-12-02T02:14:07+00:00

Each person is different. I married my high school sweetheart, we were each other’s first date. Vetted for around 8 years before marrying. She is a Godly woman who follows me along my spiritual path, a great mom and submissive help meet.

So, of course I would do it again. Without hesitation. Emphasizing again that I vetted her for many years. She passed.

Like any big decision, especially financial ones (marriage is), if the answer isn’t “absolutely 100% yes” then the answer should be “no”.

Grimsterr · 2020-12-02T05:33:40+00:00

Would I do it again? Yup.

Should you do it now? If you have to ask, nope.

RStonePT · 2020-12-01T20:00:42+00:00

This again ... 6 months already?

Title	Would you do it all again?
Author	moto101
Upvotes	17
Comments	42
Date	December 1, 2020 4:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/k4nxsr/would_you_do_it_all_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/would-you-do-it-all-again.329139 https://theredarchive.com/post/329139

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