How to Overcome the "Nice Guy Syndrome"

ExasperationStation · 2016-10-01T20:03:06+00:00

So, on an objective level, I know that I am a person that brings value. I'm a musician, a writer, well spoken, well traveled and generally a fairly talented individual.

The second I try talking to women in my age bracket, all of that goes flying out the window. With alarming consistency, I just crumple into a stammering, trembling ball of social awkwardness. My powers of oratory fail, my heart starts beating hard and fast enough that it shakes my torso, and I start constantly running out of breath. There have been no discernible signs of improvement over time.

Women have even come up to me to start talking to me on occasion. The next time I see them however, they actively avoid me. That's is how cringe-worthy I am. It's like there's something fundamentally wrong with me.

mutually_awkward · 2016-10-01T23:07:34+00:00

Nice posting OP. Here's something additional, the "rules" from No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert A. Glover. Beyond attracting women, it also applies to other aspects in life:

Summary of The Rules

• If it frightens you, do it.

• Don't settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.

• Put yourself first.

• No matter what happens, you will handle it.

• Whatever you do, do it 100%.

• If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.

• You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness.

• Ask for what you want.

• If what you are doing isn't working, try something different.

• Be clear and direct.

• Learn to say "no."

• Don't make excuses.

• If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.

• Let people help you.

• Be honest with yourself.

• Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever.

• Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change.

• Don't tolerate the intolerable — ever.

• Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.

• Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it.

• Accept the consequences of your actions.

• Be good to yourself.

• Think "abundance."

• Face difficult situations and conflict head on.

• Don't do anything in secret.

• Do it now.

• Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.

• Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong.

• Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences.

• Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen.

txroller · 2016-10-01T19:10:55+00:00

er umm don't waste time with a girl if she's not into you

go for the kiss on first date or at first intimate moment; don't wuss out, just go for it. If she isn't into you, MOVE ON TO THE NEXT GIRL

progmetal · 2016-10-01T20:33:29+00:00

My first relationship, I was the "nice guy." Always tending to her every need and never asking for anything in return. Unfortunately, in the end, I found out the hard way how ineffective this can be. Even though I'm single now, I am far more knowledgeable on what my priorities should be going forward.

Thanks for posting this. It was informative and helpful.

Jon_Boopin · 2016-10-01T23:26:01+00:00

You don't get time by being nice to your coach, you get it by HAVING VALUE AS A GOOD BASKETBALL PLAYER

Holy shit what an analogy.

bleuge · 2016-10-01T18:08:04+00:00

Don't forget this: BE RICH, really RICH. If you are enough rich, nothing more cares to her.

Don't downvote i was joking.

Very good article, legit stuff. I used to be a nice guy in my teens and late 20s. Then i've learnt from my errors.

Fuck, i still have friends in the 40s being nice beta guys. I'll pass them this article. Thanks!

JoRocKStaR · 2016-10-01T21:42:52+00:00

The simple answer to all this is.....Tension. Create tension. Period.

monkeyman114 · 2016-10-02T00:19:35+00:00

Nice guys aren't really nice. They're deceptive, hoping that pretending to be nice gets them in the sack with you. A proper man will simply state what he wants, because honesty is the best policy.

that-freakin-guy · 2016-10-01T17:18:18+00:00

Why are these numbered? It should have just been in paragraph form.

Edit:

The main way to being an attractive man is BELIEVING IN YOUR WORTH.

Think about it, when is the last time you received a spam email offering you a Hawaiian vacation and they were like “Could you please, please take this free vacation? I would really appreciate it, it would mean the world to me.” NO, they’re like “Congratulations!! You’ve just won a vacation to Hawaii!! You’re super lucky!”

YOU need to be the prize. YOU need to be that Hawaiian vacation. MAKE her feel super lucky that she gets to be with you.

Now to build this worth of the Hawaiian vacation, you need to do some homework. Working out, investing in nice clothes and a nice haircut will all help. Being successful in your life and career will help. Building genuine social skills and a sense of humor will help. Having life values that you believe in and stick by will help. Ultimately, building your self-esteem will help.

This right here is all the golden nugget in all of this. Good analogy.

kemar7856 · 2016-10-02T01:48:19+00:00

You start prioritizing your needs

upandup123 · 2016-10-02T04:23:53+00:00

Two quick questions, I try to be a nice guy not by doing favors and stuff, by being likeable, and it's very repelling. How do I not be such a people pleaser?

Also what do you do about social awkwardness?

TheBadGuyFromDieHard · 2016-10-01T19:43:08+00:00

I've been struggling with this a bit lately, so this was really helpful to read.

superdinosaur · 2016-10-01T19:52:30+00:00

This was a nice read. I used to be the nice guy in my teenager years. Thank god I'm over that shit.

studcase · 2016-10-02T21:30:46+00:00

Great post. I feel like the core of pickup can be summarized one sentence. Treat every girl like she's out of your league.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2016-10-02T13:27:42+00:00

This is formatted terribly lol. I could not finish reading it. Just because it's a new sentence doesn't mean you have to list it as a bullet point.

A lot of this is the right idea...but I think it's way to philosophical for those that haven't gotten it yet. They'll read this thinking "That sounds good...but HOW do I do all these things. HOW do I get the confidence? HOW do I get the mindset?"

Bluetinfoilhat · 2016-10-04T13:38:09+00:00

I disagree with point 8. Physically attractiveness matters a lot. And there have been studies that have shown people are less scared of attractive people. A woman is going to be more relax at a good looking man approaching her than an ugly one regardless of how "confident" he is.

But men shouldn't dwell on physical attractiveness as there isn't much you can do about that aside from grooming and lifting weights.

Title	How to Overcome the "Nice Guy Syndrome"
Author	IPET24
Upvotes	461
Comments	58
Date	October 1, 2016 3:20 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/55dmcl/how_to_overcome_the_nice_guy_syndrome/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-overcome-the-nice-guy-syndrome.1413270 https://theredarchive.com/post/1413270

Comments