~ archived since 2018 ~

This happened to a friend.

TerriChris

March 7, 2012

144 upvotes

/r/MensRights

http://qkme.me/36ecd3

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Post Information

Title	This happened to a friend.
Author	TerriChris
Upvotes	144
Comments	63
Date	March 7, 2012 9:45 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/qmbba/this_happened_to_a_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/this-happened-to-a-friend.1026438 https://theredarchive.com/post/1026438

Comments

[–]BarryOgg 32 points33 points34 points 14 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

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[–]sixofthebest 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]sixtyninenicely 10 points11 points12 points 14 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

[–]topherotica 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]sixtyninenicely 7 points8 points9 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I think it's the content in conjunction with the meme. There has been a major "all feminists are radical, hate men, and are evil bitches" vibe around r/mr recently. I like to consider myself somewhat of a feminist because I care about the basic rights of women. However, I don't think women's rights should be gained at the detriment of men's rights. The recent feminist bashing has been really alienating because I'm interested in having discussions about actual men's rights issues that stem from societal expectations, mass media, gender biases, etc. and not issues perceived as being created by radical man-hating feminists. I'm all about talking and reading about how shitty child custody laws are, how men suffer from body images issues just as much as women, and so on and so forth. I find is pointless and divisive to continue posting content about radical feminists and how stupid and backward their logic is. Forget those women, arguing with them won't gain you anything. Let's talk about stuff that matters and work on moving forward together.

[–]on_a_moose 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I find is pointless and divisive to continue posting content about radical feminists and how stupid and backward their logic is. Forget those women, arguing with them won't gain you anything.

It's not about that. A frightening portion of the population has no clue just how evil and self serving they are. To reach more people, it takes more kinds of communication. A lot of people won't take the time to sit down and read an article, but those same types will read one of these images. Now, you may think that people like that don't matter much anyway, but they're also the most likely to be oblivious to the issue entirely. Changing that is important, even if it's just the most topical of awareness.

As for taking personal offense because you choose to identify with the same label used by other, less savoury types - stop internalizing. There is no reason to feel alienated because some people hate some of those people that use the same label you chose for yourself. Accept that you are clearly not a part of the faction they find offensive, and you'll have a much easier time. I can think of much better reasons to be offended.

[–]sixtyninenicely 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

You are completely right about those populations, I guess I just feel that a majority of posts recently have been about those people and not the actual issues. I suppose I take for granted that I am somewhat informed and interested in issues so these images just strike me as a waste of time. Personally I don't think these images would be any good for raising awareness anyways because both this hyena and the monkey(marmot and whatever it is) just present the extremes. A lot of people won't take them with a grain of salt and then we'll just be perpetuating this weird extreme opposition that's arisen between men's rights activists and feminists.

Also, I'm not personally offended, I guess alienated is the wrong word. I'm more afraid to comment on things or offer my opinion because I think I'll be met with immediate disapproval because of my gender. I know this isn't true for most MRAs but I've run into this a few times. I just feel a bit unwelcome, and if that's the fact then I have no problem butting out. I'm mostly just interested in staying informed and I don't want to offend or bother anyone.

[–]on_a_moose 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm more afraid to comment on things or offer my opinion because I think I'll be met with immediate disapproval because of my gender.

You know how you can tell it's a woman commenting on /MR?

They tell you.

I'm not saying hide it, or that you should feel the need to hide anything. I'm just saying it's not something that needs to be advertised unless you're looking for some kind of special recognition (positive or negative). Most people here don't qualify their comments with their sex, so while the assumption is generally male, it's just that in most cases.

Conversely, fuck them. I've been told off here for some of my views, too, and I assure you that I am quite male. So some idiot on the internet doesn't agree, or wants to attack, or troll, or whatever. Who cares? It can take some effort to become a bit thicker skinned, but it's worth it.

[–]InfallibleBiship 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]themountaingoat 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]sixtyninenicely 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+]DaNiceguy 14 years ago* [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

You must be joking. This isn't about you. If you want to help, don't complain when confronted with the awful truth.

[–]sixtyninenicely 7 points8 points9 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

You're wrong. I'm not saying that "it's all about me." I'm saying this is about me, other moderate feminists, and YOU. This is not an us or them kind of situation it is a "we" issue. I want to help but I can't do it if I'm constantly confronted with people complaining about how selfish and illogical we are. This isn't the awful truth. It's a random case that shouldn't be generalized to other women. Yes, there are awful women out there that abuse their rights and keep men away from children they deserve to see. I know one of these women personally. She is a horrible person, but I'll be damned if I let her be viewed as the norm. Not all feminists hate men. So calm down and be reasonable. Women do awful things to men, women to awful things to other women, and it goes the same way for men. If you constantly focus on the negative and push away the people trying to help you'll never get anywhere. Cool your jets man.

[–]scraun 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DaNiceguy -5 points-4 points-3 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]sixtyninenicely 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]DaNiceguy 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Fair enough. Many women have come into men's forums over the past decade claiming they wanted to help, but getting upset when confronted with some aspect or another of radical feminism and men's reaction to it. The key difference between those that left, and those that stayed to become female MRA's was the recognition that many men who come to the Men's Rights Movement are angry at their treatment at the hands of a society dominated by anti-male sentiment, and that those men have a lot to get off their chest, and need the space to do so.

There are several female MRA's whom I am proud to call personal friends, and our trust and understand goes back many years. Of all MRAs, I have found they in particular have the least patience for the "I'm here to help" crowd.

I thank you for your apology.

[–]TerriChris[S] -3 points-2 points-1 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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