Forty Four Percent Of UK Men Afraid To Help Children because they might be seen as pedophiles

kimchifart · 2010-08-03T13:37:26+00:00

This really is a sad indictment, and probably completely accurate. We have developed a very strange, media led paranoia about this problem.

Really, the media in the UK and the States has been responsible for a lot of societal fuck ups, misrepresentations and misinformation.

stemgang · 2010-08-03T10:32:07+00:00

Punish the innocent.

Then, the only men remaining who will have anything to do with children really will be the pedophiles.

It's a dark, self-fulfilling prophecy.

Alaith · 2010-08-03T13:21:16+00:00

Americans too... I don't go to the toy sections because of this.

ristin · 2010-08-03T09:43:42+00:00

The link to the article has disapeared so here it is

http://counterfeminism.info/2010/08/forty-four-percent-of-uk-men-afraid-to-help-children/

doctor_alligator · 2010-08-03T12:54:41+00:00

My family was visiting me just last week. I have a two year old sister and six year old brother, and on our way out to a restaurant my little brother snuck out a couple lego with him. We let my kid siblings play with the lego while we waited for the food, but told them to put the toys away when it arrived - my brother stuffed his in his pockets and my baby sister, in an effort to emulate him, tried to stick her lego person in her pocket too, but as she didn't have any pockets, she stuck it down her underwear. I saw her do it and was bemused, but it didn't seem to bother her so I figured to wait 'till we got home and I'd discreetly make sure to wash it before giving it back to my bro. On the way from the restaurant however, we decided to stop by Tesco and I was left alone for a while taking care of my baby sister. I suppose the lego had shifted to an uncomfortable position because she was tugging and pointing uselessly at her crotch and making pained noises, but Tesco's a busy place with lots of people and I couldn't bring myself to stick my hand down her pants and take it out for fear of some idiot seeing me and misinterpreting the action, and at the same time, there's nothing that tugs at my heart more than a child in need... I felt so shit that night. It's absolute bullshit that I should be afraid to help my own sister. Not even a stranger but my own sibling, because I'm an adult male and we've all been coloured as sexual predators.

gregoso · 2010-08-03T16:04:42+00:00

I am a pediatric nurse, and a male, and constantly afraid that I will be accused of being a pedophile. In fact, one of my former colleagues, another male, was accused of 'molesting' one of his patients because he took a rectal temperature (in front of the parents) - a perfectly legitimate way to take temperature in this case.

moifaux · 2010-08-03T16:39:05+00:00

This breaks my heart. My boyfriend is a kid's librarian and he has all these personal rules about kids to keep himself "safe".

He won't hug them, unless they hug him first and even then he holds his hands away from them. If you've worked around kids you know they LOVE to hug and show affection. His female colleagues get and give hugs all day long.

He's never alone with kids, keeps the door open even during story times and practically begging parents to come in.

He does these great programs about science and history. He made up a "Mad Scientist's Oath" for the kid to recite at the end (reminding them to be safe, not to take over the world, great stuff) and after he did it a couple times he got really worried some parent was going to talk to their kid and hear that the librarian "had them swear a secret oath" and freak out.

Teen girls are kind of flirty with him (he's cute!) and ask to take his picture (alone, not in a group or at an event) or get his number to text him. He writes up a report every time this happens and files it with his supervisor. It was my BF's idea, but his supervisor thinks it's "good insurance"

Kids get sick or have bathroom accidents and unlike the female librarians my BF is really loathe to help clean them up, if it involves touching them at all. That may sound like a blessing, but when a kid is crying and covered in sick and you're worried that someone is going to think you're a pedo for wiping them off instead of getting their parent/guardian right away it's not.

He just generally worries about even the appearance of impropriety around kids. Parents flat out tell him that it's "weird" that a man would want to work around children who were not his own. And it's not just women, Dads have asked him why he wanted to be a kid's librarian, in very pointed fashion.

And just to say it, my guy is a raging fucking hetero boy and about as likely to harm a child and turn into a liquid mercury terminator and kill John Conner.

ItsTime2BeMe · 2010-08-03T14:07:06+00:00

This is def a mens issue that I look upon with great concern. It's a terrible day when we expect the worst from a male who may have the best intentions in mind because of how we are showered with numerous media. NOT to say that horrible things don't occur but observing that almost all fear is diminished when it is a female attending to a child instead - there is a difference between being more "comfortable" and being down right prejudice.

2010-08-03T12:14:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

floatinginspace10 · 2010-08-03T16:24:39+00:00

i got into a huge fight w/ this girl I was dating - b/c I made the statement that we are teaching children to fear men and I'm not sure if this is healthy in general, let alone for our species

BCCakes · 2010-08-04T07:04:19+00:00

OK. So, on the other day I took a small break from work and went to the Family Dollar store that’s close by and got myself a Coke and a box of Bite Size Frosted Mini-Wheats. When I got up to the line, I saw that only one register was open and it was backed up. Apparently, Family Dollar was THE place to be on that afternoon. Anyway, about 6 people back from the register, there was a display case of some sort, which would obviously cause the line to have to bend in one direction (or the other) and any new member of the line would then have to approach it from the side.

Well, there was a little girl…I’ll say about 6 or so…standing with a cart full of things. She may have been in line (because she was coming from the side) or she may not have been (because the space between her and the person who was DEFINITELY in line seemed to be right on the cusp of that imaginary demarcation line that would make the answer obvious). I didn’t see a parent with her so I figured I’d just go ahead and ask this little girl if she was in line. After all, I wouldn’t want to cut in front of her if she was.

So I asked her, “Are you standing in line?”

She looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. “Huh?”

So I asked again. “Are you in this line or are you just standing here waiting for your mom or dad?”

She just stared at me.

I said, “This is what I’m going to do, OK? I’m going to stand here (taking the place behind the last, obvious person in line) and if it turns out you ARE in line, I’ll let you and you go in front of me.”

And that’s when this happened:

“GET AWAY FROM HER!”

Everybody stopped what they were doing to see what was going on.

This woman came running up and put herself between me and the little girl. “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?”

“I’m sorry, was this your place in line?”

“DON’T GIVE THAT BULLSHIT! WHAT WERE YOU SAYING TO MY DAUGHTER?”

“I was just trying—“

“TRYING TO WHAT? HUH? WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?”

“—figure out if she was in line or not.”

“YEAH ,RIGHT!” She took the girl’s hand and started pushing the cart away and down one of the aisles. “OUGHTA CALL THE DAMN COPS ON YOUR ASS, TRYING TO WHATEVER WITH MY LITTLE GIRL!”

And then, in a gesture that I’m constantly amazed at, the people in line offered to let me go in front of all of them since I only had 2 things. The person who was next to me in line offered his support by saying that he knew I wasn’t doing anything wrong and that the woman was overreacting. I gave the cashier (who sees me often, as Coke and Mini-Wheats are my standard purchases a couple of times a week) my business card with instructions to give it to the police in case the woman decided to “call the damn cops.” I think I’m in the clear, since I haven’t heard anything.

BUT, it does bring up an odd issue: pedophilia and the hysteria surrounding it.

I’m going to ask you to read this article

Done? Good. I’m going to come right out and say that I would probably have done what Mr. Peachey did. In fact, I’m SURE that I’d have done what Mr. Peachey did, because I have. Twice in the last year. Both times had to do with witnessing a kid have a bike wreck. The first time, my wife was in the van with me. We saw a girl fall off her bike. It looked spectacular, but the girl sat up and was holding her knee. I drove on by, and only stopped at the behest of my wife, who made be back up so she could see if she was OK. And she was, just had a scrape on her knee. The second time was pretty much identical. A kid fell off his bike. Again, it was pretty spectacular looking. But I drove on by.

Should I have stopped? Probably, yes. It would have been the decent thing to do. But I didn’t. It's not an action I'm proud of. And, unless I know the child, I most likely would behave the same way in the future.

2010-08-03T13:30:13+00:00

I actually try to avoid any situation where I have to be around unknown children as well(the fear of false-accusations is always there) and I have noticed a lot of stare-downs when I'm out with my nieces/nephews(like at the park, for example) but, if it really came down to it, I don't see how I could not help a child if he or she actually needed the help, even despite the risk(For one, I really don't want to let this anti-male bias/paranoia dictate the way I live and, for another, I would also consider a child's safety to be a little more pressing/important than my own). I would hope those 44% would too; the issue here may mostly lie with social/media portrayal of men, paranoia and misandry but men not helping children who need the help really does not help this gender profiling issue either.

theredeffect · 2010-08-03T22:45:59+00:00

I'm from the US and I know the sentiment is exactly the same here. I was at a park just the other week playing with my girlfriends nephews on a playground, helping them if they needed any assistance climbing anything there and what not. Well, this little girl was also playing on the playground and was struggling to climb up a ladder feature to reach a spiral slide. She could not for the life of her get up, and I feared her hurting herself because her mother was certainly not paying any attention. So I introduced myself to this little girl (probably 5 or 6), and asked her if she would like me to help her up there. Her face lit up and emphatically yelled "YES!!", so I grabbed her from underneath her arms and lifted her up to the slide. Then I heard someone yelling from behind me in the most vicious sounding growl "LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE YOU CREEP!!!" I turned around and saw the previously careless mother sprinting towards me and when she got to me she got right in my face, within inches, and with all the rage in the world told me "I don't know how often you come around to this park touching little girls but if I EVER see you here again, I am calling the police." She then grabbed her daughters arm and yanked her to the car before I could explain myself. Regardless of how many true pedophiles are out there, some people need to realize that some people are actually nice and out there to be friendly and help.

lukipela · 2010-08-03T11:44:57+00:00

97% of american men are afraid because of it. the other 3% are pedophiles.

2010-08-03T14:27:44+00:00

I would never EVER help a child, just incase

WebZen · 2010-08-03T11:56:00+00:00

If I lived in the UK I'd be one of them.

Liverotto · 2010-08-03T12:15:45+00:00

How afraid are men in this feminist society?

I'd say, pretty fucking afraid.

Quick example: I actually felt afraid/uncomfortable to reply to a tread with the p-word in it.

ignatiusloyola · 2010-08-04T11:40:22+00:00

I am in a position where I teach students.

I have been told before to be careful how I stand around the female students, how I treat them, and what I say to them, because it could be misinterpreted.

There was no suggestion that I was doing anything inappropriate, it was just a repeated cautionary tale.

For the first few years that I was teaching, and when I still looked young enough to be in age-range of the female students, I had a lot of the female students interested in me. It made my job difficult because they were too shy to talk to me, or would over-react to bad marks as if it were harsh criticism. Some even cried when I gave them bad marks. (For those thinking that is just my ego, all I can say is that I did make friends with some of the people in the class, who later told me the stories. I had no idea anyone was interested in me until after.)

empty-pen · 2010-08-03T11:37:45+00:00

now with that law if anyone suspects you of being a pedophile just because you work with kids then the police will check up on you and give details to the parents. now i understand the saftey aspect but people have to get crb's to work with kids in the first place. secondly in the paper i was reading all the examples used that would warrant a call the the police because people suspect you were all males. "the man on the street who is a bit odd" "the new boyfriend" ect

Frosty840 · 2010-08-03T14:03:21+00:00

I can only imagine that the other 54% are too dumb to watch the news.

I would imagine that these days you could be arrested in your hospital bed for pushing a kid out of the way of a moving vehicle which then hit you.

That says more about the sad state of UK policing than it does about anything else, but still...

GPechorin · 2010-08-03T16:41:59+00:00

I was at the ocean in a rural part of Maine the other day. Driving home, I passed a group of kids (around 12 yo) and slowed to ask them if they wanted a ride (I don't know where they were going, but it was at least 2 miles away). Then I thought that there is no way I can offer a ride to two girls and a boy that age.

Then again, I'd been on vacation for a week (read: hadn't shaved) and had just been lying around the beach all day. They'd probably be smart no to have gotten in the car with me anyhow.

lucycou · 2010-08-03T17:34:31+00:00

This just got me REALLY sad. :(

2010-08-03T17:38:29+00:00

I also find the "Don't talk to strangers" mentally a bit off as well. Most strangers aren't childnappers or molesters. And if a kid somehow gets lost from his/her parents and refuses to talk to anyone... well eventually someone dangerous may find him. PS kids are more likely to get molested by family friends and relatives than strangers.

NickCarraway · 2010-08-03T17:45:53+00:00

I feel a bit ashamed to say I fall within that 44%

akrabu · 2010-08-03T22:04:40+00:00

I am a stay-at-home-dad and so I need lots of fun activities for my little one to do where she can meet other kids. I'm getting better about it but I am still unreasonably apprehensive about interacting with other children, which is kind of an important part of taking your kids to playgrounds and groups and stuff.

2010-08-03T23:03:21+00:00

i'm a 24 yr old and i won't even let my dog go near kids when I am walking her, even though she's great with them (my niece loves her). The cost of someone being too paranoid about their kid is way to high, and nobody seems to realize it these days.

pahncrd · 2010-08-04T02:37:58+00:00

I've saved children on two separate occasions for total strangers and they were more worried about being caught being bad parents than anything else and didn't seem to give two craps about the fact that I just saved the life of their child.

2010-08-04T07:13:08+00:00

I may not help some random child in a park or a busy place, but I'd damn well swallow my fear of social parnoia if someone was in danger of real harm. I'd rather regret saving someone then regret not saving them.

zakrn · 2010-08-03T17:37:27+00:00

how many male kindergarten teachers do you know? case and point.

RecurringBassist · 2010-08-03T20:58:13+00:00

Apparently you don't even have to help to be considered suspiciously. This weekend I took a short walk a couple blocks from my house to a convenience store. On the way is a small park. Walking past the park, I noticed two large crows in a tree. I watched them as I walked. Soon after, a police car was cruising alongside me, matching my pace. The cop rolled his window down and asked me "what were you looking at?" I told him I was looking at those two crows and asked him why he was asking me. He ignored my question of course and drove off slowly, keeping an eye on me. This is the neighborhood I've lived in for over seven years now.

Man_In_The_Middle · 2010-08-03T15:43:35+00:00

I think you mean Peter file.

Demus666 · 2010-08-03T17:52:17+00:00

BrassEye; Chris Morris was a prophet (although it was happening late 90's just as bad, but still).

Georgeson · 2010-08-03T18:30:25+00:00

its easy for people on the interenets to say things such as, "hella dont see that girl etc" but they werent there with u, they arent u, they didnt experience the raw passion first hand, they cant possible know what u were feeling at the moment, they will never be able to see into ur mind during that time, only ur own mind, knows the truth behind dis matter. I say, if this is something u want, Go for it full force. but if not, then not.

BinaryShadow · 2010-08-04T03:38:07+00:00

I'm definitely among those who are afraid to help children. My only reward would be to get this kid to a safe place, but I would be severely punished so that the parents can cover up the fact that they fucked up.

sherman42 · 2010-08-04T04:44:24+00:00

Late in the game so this probably won't be seen... but, this is a big reason I'm a Software Engineer and not a preschool teacher :(

2010-08-04T04:56:45+00:00

I think this is becoming the norm in a lot of different places. I live in Canada and I'd think twice to help a kid. I'd still help because it's the right thing to do but I'd be careful about it.

Makes me sad though.. kids are great and I would enjoy working with kids, it's so incredibly important for young kids to have a good role model and I'd love to take on that role but I'd honestly rather pursue something else in part because of the stigma we have these days. I haven't let this bother me as much lately though, whenever I'm at someones home now whether it be a friend, acquaintance or whatever I won't hesitate to talk to or joke around with their kid. I know I'm not a bad guy and I get along really well with kids, it shows pretty quickly so even if the parent is uneasy at first it's not like I give them any reason to be freaked out. I can remember being a little kid and it kinda sucked if people were at our house and I didn't get acknowledged by adults.. sure it didn't happen as much back then but kids are people too and they want to be noticed just like adults do. Part of this change in attitude is that as I've got a little older (24 years old) I'm starting to actually want to have my own kids soon. When I was a teen or even about 4 years ago I didn't want kids so it didn't matter if I was good with them. Now it's kinda like practice, I definitely want to be able to make kids laugh and feel special so my own kids can have a good time with their dad someday.

I guess we just need to say screw it, if you're not a paedophile then there's nothing to really worry about. What's the worst that can happen? Some paranoid parent chews you out? Tell them off. If you didn't do anything wrong then stand up for yourself, they'll feel like an asshole and maybe we can start to reverse this crazy stereotype.

beachedwhale · 2010-08-04T05:10:17+00:00

Not the least bit surprised.

kanuk876 · 2010-08-04T06:52:40+00:00

There's a lively discussion on this topic over on fark. Including many anecdotes like this:

"Even if you can prove you're innocent in the end the court will simply say "whoops, our bad. You can go now but you can't counter sue because it was a properly prosecuted case."

You must not have had any experience with the legal system. My brother was charged with indecency with a child fifteen years ago because he went over to a residence to get $5.00 that a babysitter there owed him. The kid said that he and the babysitter sexually abused him, etc.

It cost my family 2 years and selling my parents' retirement home to keep him out of prison. The DA charged him solely to keep him from being a witness for the babysitter, who was also charged. This was admitted later "under the table" to my brothers' defense attorney.

After it was all over and the charges were dropped for lack of evidence (and the DA got notch in her gunbelt by the babysitter pleading to a reduced charge, nonsexual in nature), we got to view the "interview" that the social worker had with the 7 year old. It was over two hours long, and the "social worker" mentioned my brothers' name seventeen times to the kid before the kid started including him in the story. He also said my 25 year old brother was six years old, lived up the street from him, and had blond hair (brothers' hair is black).

He made up a story that they did all sorts of stuff to him that could not be proved by medical exams, etc and the timeline of the story was filled with holes. My brother also passed two lie detector tests, one administered by the police. The cops recommended that the charges not go forward.

However, the DA was running for County Judge at the time, you do the math.

It was later proved that the mother made the kid make up the story because the babysitter spurned her.

When my family tried to sue, they were told to fark off by the Court as the prosecution was supposedly done in "good faith".

You see, it seems that sometimes it's not about the truth. Not knocking the Courts in general, but many cops and district attorneys dont care about the lives they wreck while "protecting the children", etc. They just want to inflate their egos by collecting scalps. Not counting helicopter parents that are on a hairtrigger.

That's why travesties like this happen.

and this:

This is possibly one of the most depressing threads I've ever read.

I've got a 5 year old son, and the idea that MY gender, with the help of whatever bogeyman we've managed to rattle up, has successfully ensured that if he is lost or hurt without me, he's completely on his own... It makes me sick to my stomach.

Not only that, but he won't have many male role models in early school (I know there's at least 2 male teachers because I was frantically looking for them), and when he's old enough to realize what's going on, he's going to feel like a pariah though he's done absolutely nothing wrong. He may have a great life, but he'll always be at a potential disadvantage because of his gender, and his relationships with strangers - you know, the things that make us HUMAN members of SOCIETY - may be curtailed to some extent... All because my gender got some sick farking thrill in the crotch at the idea of our snowflakes being taken.

WTF is wrong with us?

chickenoodle89 · 2010-08-04T08:36:15+00:00

I have experience in childcare centres and if I, as a woman, pick up a child and put them on my lap, hug them, stroke their hair, tickle them etc, I am seen as a natural nurturer. If a male caregiver does the same thing people ask why. I hate the double standards. Men feel love and attachment to children just as much as women do.

fuzzysarge · 2010-08-04T13:47:03+00:00

I delivered for FedEx Home Delivery, during orientation the two biggest points were made, do not crash the truck and never ask kids directions. Drivers have been charged with crimes against children for stopping the truck and talking to kids.

EsmeWeatherwax · 2010-08-06T16:03:46+00:00

This is so damaging to men and children. So isolating for men, and terrible for our society. Now nearly all men think of sexual predators whenever they have to interact with kids they don't know. So every interaction is punishing, not just the ones where some freak parent calls you out.

2010-08-03T16:23:20+00:00

Nice article. Wait wtf is this shit?

metternich26 · 2010-08-03T20:49:09+00:00

IF YOU SEE A CHILD IN PUBLIC:

The ONLY thing you should do is loudly yell, "UNATTENDED CHILD! UNATTENDED CHILD!"

I'm dead serious, I've done this twice. It's the only way to protect yourself against false pedophile accusations. It's a fucking sad world we live in.

beyonddeities · 2010-08-03T20:55:24+00:00

Going to get downvoted, but... this sect of reddit... is this serious? Genuinely curious.

repoman · 2010-08-03T16:39:55+00:00

In other news, 56% of UK Men are Pedophiles.

I keed...

dofilus · 2010-08-03T16:43:27+00:00

I'm a pedophile and I'm afraid of approaching lone children too. More than straight guys I'd imagine. As a pedophile I'm manically afraid of being found out (since it would basically mean the end of my life as I know it) and around children I'm always afraid a stray look, something, anything that'll give me away might escape me.

conover · 2010-08-03T13:35:06+00:00

I think you mean paedophile. This is the UK, after all.

Also, I know it must be true because you read it in the Daily Mail.

2010-08-03T21:47:34+00:00

heres the article i was trying to link to before reddit turned this into a selfpost

http://counterfeminism.info/2010/08/forty-four-percent-of-uk-men-afraid-to-help-children/

2010-08-03T14:41:52+00:00

Irrespective of that headline it is simply good practice to let people raise their own kids. That little boy lost in a (mall, fair, park, store, etc)--he'll find his way back to his parents and learn a good lesson too.

You getting all grabby isn't going to do anyone any good. The vast VAAAAAST majority of child abductions are by relatives. You can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of children literally abducted in public spaces by strangers.

You aren't being a caped crusading superhero when you step in here. You're being an unwelcome interloper who is NOT going to get kudos. Get over it. Let people raise their own kids.

adnutum · 2010-08-03T15:17:54+00:00

Children are discovering their sexuality earlier. There's sexting, tween stars that sing about romantic relationships, peer pressure to lose their virginity.

Title	Forty Four Percent Of UK Men Afraid To Help Children because they might be seen as pedophiles
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	323
Comments	218
Date	August 3, 2010 9:33 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/cwrp5/forty_four_percent_of_uk_men_afraid_to_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/forty-four-percent-of-uk-men-afraid-to-help.1048321 https://theredarchive.com/post/1048321

Comments