The issue of involuntary single men, addressed on a more or less neutral site

Vandechoz · 2020-11-11T18:11:05+00:00

sexually inactive in the past year jumped from 18.9% to 30.9% (from 2000-2018)

damn, that's more significant than I expected

throwaway2222aa3 · 2020-11-12T04:55:53+00:00

Incels get talked about so much, but the problem goes a lot further than that. The average guy (whether he has had sex before or not) is getting obliterated in the dating/sex market right now. It's honestly getting to a point where I find it frightening because so much has changed even in the past 5 years. I struggle a great deal with it, and I have far too many male friends in the same predicament. It's not like we're losers who are incapable of talking to women (quite the opposite actually), there's simply no options to be had anymore. If you're a single woman, why even bother going out (or put in any effort at all) if you can find a prospective partner on your phone? I feel like we're in a societal powder keg right now, and no one who isn't a young single male even has a clue that it's happening.

xerdopwerko · 2020-11-12T00:05:07+00:00

Holy shit. An article that doesn't hate me, call me a rapist, or want me to die and doesn't tell me to kill myself or that I am worthless for feeling sad that nobody wants me.

Almost science fucking fiction.

I mean, I'm still going to kill myself next year, but hey, not everyone was against me. I've got that going for me, which is nice.

CoffeehasSentience · 2020-11-12T02:14:55+00:00

Sexuality is a really complex thing to tackle, and some people feel a "ugh..." realizing other people's sexuality. A lot of people seem to react negatively to the thought of old people enjoying sex (something they actually do). It's no wonder when the topic arises the level of discussion around it seems to be very prude most of the time. And antagonistic. A lot of antagonism around it.

When men's sexuality (and not only sexuality, just romantic feelings sometimes) is discussed, a lot of people don't discuss it in a vacuum. They discuss it in a "they think they're are entitled to do it with me!" sense ignoring the self-steem problems the thing can provoke in people (even women). I've talked to lonely men and I can say a lot of times they aren't sad they aren't having sex, it's more so they're sad because they arent sexually desirable at all, which are two different things a lot of people don't understand. And it's weird to me because some women don't even have sex because they enjoy it, they have it because they have self-steem issues and want to feel desired. And somehow, they can't understand when it's applied to men.

Long-Chair-7825 · 2020-11-11T19:57:55+00:00

Incel/black pill ideologies are definitely not right, but perhaps it would be more helpful to treat them with empathy.

Besides, I think that we have a moral obligation to at least not treat them with hate.

hnnsSI · 2020-11-11T22:06:53+00:00

I wonder if it's because I grew up in a religious group that heavily discourages dating before you're an adult and financially stable, but I genuinely can't understand why being in a relationship and having sex is so important to these people. I'm almost 21 and a kissless virgin btw. I'm usually really busy with schoolwork, learning new skills and languages in order to avoid unemployment as best as I can after I graduate so dating is something that I see as really distant/unfeasible and, realistically, a lot more headache.

I'd probably be considered a shortcel if I cared about relationships that much (I'm 5'5), so it's not like I'm saying this because I'm a 'Chad' either.

That being said, yes, I agree with you. They should be helped and they deserve our empathy. The way they're treated by society only makes the problem worse.

Kilkifish · 2020-11-12T02:42:04+00:00

Feminism, social media facilitated extreme hypergamy, capitalism. The toxicity is taking it's toll. It might get Chad more wet holes chasing him, but it's turning women into bad, selfish people who often end up lonely, misandrist cat ladies. And they blame men for it.

incoherentmumblings · 2020-11-12T12:06:23+00:00

I believe it's worth noting that incel isn't an honest term at all.
In a society that provides access to relatively cheap commercial sexual services, it is quite hard to believe that these men are all involuntary sexless. They're not all dirt poor, after all.
So their sexlessness is actually voluntary, almost every guy could afford a cheap prostitute once a month. What the actual problem is, is much harder than shelling out ~50$ for a hooker on the low end of the price scale.
I believe there are two different actual problems here:
One, they want sex with HOT women, while being rather unattractive themselves. This is a problem of a sense of entitlement and a problem with a media and social environment that throws images of extremely idealized women at them.
Two, they want sex with a woman that they feel intimate with. An actual relationship and sense of belonging. This is more a problem of social atomization that is inherent to capitalist societies, problems with social intelligence/empathy and understanding of the realities of living as the opposite sex, as well as possibly a general inability to form close relationships with anyone.

Obviously, both problems can come together, but i still believe it's worth to make the distinction in many cases.
Sex or sexlessness is not necessarily at the core of the issue, technically almost everyone could get laid as soon as they lower their standards.

czerdec · 2020-11-12T16:03:27+00:00

Stoicism is the best possible response to involuntary celibacy. If a person is unable to be stoic, he or she should have access to a well-resourced, kind respectful, comfortable hospital.

Title	The issue of involuntary single men, addressed on a more or less neutral site
Author	Blauwpetje
Upvotes	65
Comments	86
Date	November 11, 2020 5:56 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/jsczfv/the_issue_of_involuntary_single_men_addressed_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/the-issue-of-involuntary-single-men-addressed-on-a.1062547 https://theredarchive.com/post/1062547

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