I [29M] recently broke up with my gf [27F] of about 5 months because i felt like she was not appreciating me and I felt like I was a placeholder until someone she deemed better came along. I admit i was doing blue pill shit in the beginning and I lost frame but quickly fixed that as soon as I realized. So to the actual context.

I was having doubts about her on whether or not she valued and appreciated me.. It was an accumulations of small behaviors and incidents that led me to believe that “she was never mine but it was only my turn”. They say to watch a person's behavior and actions than their words.

I’m a pretty high value male, great job, disciplined, passionate, driven, does triathlons and in excellent shape (9% bf), etc and i feel like i'm not even close to peaking yet and I felt like she wasn’t seeing my worth. She isn’t too shabby on paper either, ivy league, in med school, both parents still together, loves her dad, stays at home mostly and studies, quiet and reserved on the outside. All qualities that I find very attractive.

Over the months of us dating the red flags were:

- she’s had 20+ sexual partners (eventually got over this)

- more guys friends than girlfriends in her hometown

- admitted she went through a wild phase pre med school early 20s

- we rarely talk during the week, maybe two texts throughout the day and speak on the phone for every two or three days. This is understandable given our insane schedules.

- I notice her flexing her hypergamy, always get a sense that she’s measuring me against other prospects and it makes me feel like I’m not good enough.

- one time she admitted to judging me while we were out together

- Still friends with guys she’s slept with from back home

- a few weeks ago she broke up with me saying that she didn’t think we were compatible. Said it was our bc our communication and love styles (we had a fight that morning where I said I didn’t want to talk about what was bothering me when she asked, it was 4:50AM and I was getting ready to go to the gym and really didn’t feel like talking at that hour)

- I was her only true and serious relationship

- Didn't tell her parents about me after 5 months

About the first break up (her breaking up with me) - In the morning i was bothered because she rejected my advances from the night before, I was still kind of upset and she sensed it and asked me what was wrong. I was still blue pill beta during this time. It was 4:50AM and i was getting ready for the gym and already running late and not in the right mind set to talk about it at that time. I told her that I didn't want to talk about it and went to the bathroom to finish getting ready. When i came back she was gone. We didn't speak the rest of the day. She broke up with me later that evening and I did not come close to seeing it coming, i was completely blindsided. It really fucked me up and made me realize where I stood and how much I truly "meant" to her. All this shit about her saying that she loved me so much seemed like a lie. How could she have so easily and hastily make a decision to break up after that if she truly loved me and valued the relationship? It made me believe (and i still kind of do) that I am only a placeholder until she finds someone better.

She is currently applying to residency and has no idea where she'll end up. I told her from the get go that if we go long-distance we weren't going to work and she agreed on that. She's told me that she's trying to her best stay in the same city and told me that she wanted to stay in the same city.

After she broke up with me, i called her a few hours later and we pretty much got back together. She texted me after saying that she was really glad that I called and decided to give it another chance. During this day, i came across TRM and quickly read it during 2 days and immediately realized what i was doing wrong. I quickly changed everything about me, which actually felt like my natural self. I realized that I was winning the frame back. She cooked for me, was fucking me like before when i wanted, was more touchy and all up on me, etc.

But despite all the positive changes, i broke up with her. I couldn't stop thinking about how she broke up with me so quickly and remembered all of these red flags that my beta mind just accepted and with TRM fresh in my mind i felt like i couldn't accept them anymore. I broke up with her. I just kept thinking about all of these things and her behaviors and told myself that I was not going to be a placeholder for anyone and I that I deserve better. She's about to enter that "wall" as she's 27 where she is needing to settle down and my sexual market value is only going to go up from here.

When i told her that i didn't think it was going to work out, she just said "ok" and agreed. She said that she had a feeling that we weren't going to work out too saying incompatible communication and love languages. I did send her a follow up text on how communication and love languages are not deal breakers and things that couples learn about each other and adapt as they get to know each other and that no couple has perfect communication and compatible love languages from the beginning, which she agreed.

She called me the following day asking to talk and drove all the way to my place (30+ minutes) to drop off some stuff. I told her to leave it outside my door which she did but she ended up calling me to talk. I said that i was busy at work but i spoke with her on the phone. She was pretty much asking me why I broke things off and what the deal breakers were. Initially i just told her that I didn't think we were compatible and that she was not what i was looking for in a long term relationship.

I do want to add for context that she grew up in a VERY liberal state and city. and went to a VERY liberal college. Pretty much the birth place of feminism and modern day feminism. Which is different from my upbringing. I hold pretty conservative values.

Against all what is said about TRP and me knowing fully i shouldve just left it and not get into the details, I truly care about her so i eventually told her the reasons after she asked a third time. I told her everything about how I didn't feel valued and felt like she didn't see my worth. I told her the real reason despite knowing that it would make me look weak and she would probably lose respect for me. She pretty said my way of thinking was very old-fashioned and called me a misogynist a couple times.

She knows damn well I'm not a misogynist and I was a great boyfriend. I was committed and loyal to the point she couldn't ever doubt where she stood and my commitment to her. I know what i want in life and am very upfront with my intentions (which i think killed the desire for her). I value a relationship and a shared life and made that very clear.

I come from a conservative household and consider myself red pilled, although i don't agree with everything about TRP. Even though she thinks she's probably blue pilled, she did have some red pill qualities about her. She's cooked for me a couple times, she's submissive with me, she's prudent. However, she can be very strong minded and bratty.

During that same call she was asking me why i didn't communicate these things to her and how i felt. I told her because it would've done the exact opposite. You don't negotiate with desire. If she respects me and values me then she would show those things to me. You don't tell the sun to stop shining, the fish to stop swimming, the wind to stop blowing. If she is then she will show through her behaviors and actions. She mentioned that she wanted to try again and i pretty much brushed it off saying that things won't be the same.

I'm so conflicted right now because i feel like we could've had a real good thing. I feel like if I maintained my frame i could've made her fall for me more and we would've been really good for each other. I think i might have fucked up because she had all the qualities i was looking for, she was kind, cautious, prudent, feminine, never wore revealing clothes, didn't post on social media, she stayed at home and studied..

I having freshly read TRM, it fucked with my perspective a little and only made me focus on the bad. Tomassi even says in the book that all females exhibit hypergamy, it's part of their biology, so it doesn't matter who the girl is. I don't know i feel like I fucked up and don't know if i should go to her and try to make things right. But i also don't want to seem weak and lose frame.

TL;DR Broke up with GF because i didn't think she valued me and felt like I was just a placeholder until or if she finds someone better after freshly coming off reading TRM. I feel like it fucked with my perspective a little and i ruined what could've been a good thing.

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EDIT: I do want to clarify that I did have oneitis and idealism in the beginning. The reason I was getting these behaviors from her was because of ME. Because of my blue pill beta ways. I was so brainwashed by the feminist agenda. But I quickly fixed that and I noticed that she was happier and more receptive to me. She wanted to be led and she quickly submitted once i started leading. Everything was fine, but i still couldn't shake her previous behaviors as a result of my prior blue pill ways and broke up with her. I feel like i jumped the gun without giving it a chance with me being red pill