Dating your friend is okay in the FDS strategy book?

obeyy_killxx · 2021-09-07T16:00:20+00:00

For me falling in love especially in 8 minutes (it actually states 8.5 seconds for men) or 14 days = infatuation, NOT love. Love is a constant choice and you don’t automatically truly love someone just by looking at them IMO but some may feel differently about that. So if a guy took more than 8 seconds, I really don’t think that’s settling lol. Some friends may have been attracted from the beginning, some don’t. Like I’ve been friends with a guy for a few years now and we are definitely not the same people we were when we met. So somewhere along the way, some people develop feelings depending on the changes and circumstances. He could’ve become more attractive, more emotionally mature or financially stable etc. Some people are very apprehensive in dating friends, because if things don’t work out, they may not want to lose that friendship. So they may just stay with their feelings and do nothing until they get sick of it… or not lol. It’s really up to you in what you want to do. You have to ask yourself: if you’re ok with risking the friendship in the event that things don’t work out, what qualities do you see in him that attracts you, how has he acted in relationships in the past, and all the other questions you’d consider when deciding to date someone.

hensbanex · 2021-09-07T15:50:34+00:00

I am engaged to someone who was my friend for years. I also had a failed relationship with someone I knew for the same amount of time. it really depends on the individual. as a rule, i’d say to avoid male friends and “orbiters.” in the case of my fiancé, we weren’t close, just were in the same circle and hung out/spoke when everyone was together, and we didn’t really develop a deeper personal connection until later on, and the relationship followed soon after he expressed his feelings for me and i responded positively. the failed relationship was my friend pining for me for years and me being lukewarm and then us both realizing it was just unresolved tension and not anything indicative of a real connection.

08__80 · 2021-09-07T16:59:36+00:00

The 8.5 seconds is not "falling in love" it's falling in lust. You can't love someone you don't know. And I don't know about 14 days for women, because I've fallen in lust in 1.5 seconds. Teenage hormones are a hell of a drug.

On the flip side, ideally the people you date should be people you are either already friends or acquaintances with. Dating strangers will never stop being weird to me.

I understand what you mean by "if he wanted to, he would" and yeah that's kind of "hmmmm.... suspicious" if you've been close friends with a guy but he didn't ask you out for 10 years. Why didn't he? Did he keep looking for Miss Right, but when she didn't come along, he settled for Miss Right Here instead? But moving the goalposts a little, if he was a casual acquaintance like a classmate, coworker, friend-of-a-friend for 10 years, was always attracted to you, but just didn't know you well enough to make the move, or the opportunity wasn't there for whatever reason, or just didn't feel the green-light vibe from you so didn't want to bother you, that's different.

Bottom line, If your gut tells you that this guy is settling for you, RUN.

cranesinspace · 2021-09-07T16:48:14+00:00

I think the only danger I find with dating people I know like that is I’ve always gave them way more lee-way than I’d ever allow a “stranger”, and it’s a lot harder to block, delete and move on. So guess just remember the FDS rules and don’t cut him a break just because you know him and remember what you’re worth

ShegoGreen · 2021-09-07T17:52:14+00:00

"Let’s say he was in love the whole time as a friend"

That's usually why he wants to be friends with a woman in the first place, don't think it was some accident. He thinks she's attractive and is waiting for her to fall for him and make the first move. It's actually pretty manipulative in my opinion. Men do this instead of asking the woman out directly in order to avoid confrontation, perhaps out of fear. But some men also do this in order to establish the relationship from a "50/50" perspective. He might not want to put in the effort to pursue or court her.

Turbulent_Buffalo_28 · 2021-09-07T15:44:10+00:00

I actually dated a friend. Ended up he did not understood it was a date. 3 times. 😂🙄 And I had to clarify. Of course. 🤡 edit to add: If anyone got an explanation, I would like to understand. I mean, no one can be that blind!

lilac-hiraeth · 2021-09-07T17:50:33+00:00

Dated a friend, found out how awful a person he is. Lost a “good” friend. Now I have no male friends that aren’t partners of my female friends.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-09-07T20:18:47+00:00

Dated a guy who’d been a friend for 10 years and had always liked me in a low key way. Was still a disaster. I gave him far too much leeway because of our friendship.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-07T19:37:17+00:00

Give it the old college try. Worst case is you learn some information and might not like the person that much anymore as a friend. No one falls in love in 8s btw.

ComprehensiveAmoeba9 · 2021-09-07T20:54:49+00:00

In my experience, a lot of male “friends” I had would mainly hang out with me because they found me sexually attractive. Eventually they would either make a move on me or drop off the face of the earth and ghost me if I didn’t show interest or one of us ended up dating someone else. It’s not possible to fall in love in 8 seconds, that’s infatuation. If you have been friends with him for several months and he just asked you out, I don’t see that as settling. High value people take the time to properly vet and get to know you before deciding to pursue a relationship. But definitely trust your gut, if you have a feeling he is settling then move on.

Example of an 8 second infatuation experience of mine: I had a guy in a friend group of mine ask me out immediately within the very first hour we met. That first night he joked about us getting married in Vegas that night because I said I liked the same kind of pizza from a local gas station nearby and he said he did too. Though I brushed it off because he was drunk at the time🤢 I barely knew him and he was already talking about going to a concert together a few months down the road. His attraction to me was definitely infatuation, not love. He lovebombed me for a few weeks then started withdrawing affection and interest and left me with breadcrumbs to keep me hooked. I felt this “spark” with him and our other friends were saying how we “hit it off so well”. He was clingy and had attachment issues and our whole relationship turned out to be a disaster and caused tension in the group. He was still talking to his ex too. He did the same thing to another woman, he immediately asked her out and started hitting on her, others were saying how they “hit it off”. I’ll see how that whole thing goes, if she’ll end up getting tired of it or she’ll stay. I had to be the one to end things with him and finally block him even though he was breadcrumbing and started being hot and cold

MummyCroc · 2021-09-08T06:32:57+00:00

I was first friends with my now husband before we started dating. I knew he was interested in me, but I preferred to start with friendship to see what kind of a person he was and if our personalities went well together. When I knew the kind of person he was, that's when we started dating, and we got exclusive pretty fast because I had vetted him extensively during the friendship phase. I had seen that he was considerate, willing to help out a friend, and was generous, and decided that if he was like this without any relationship benefits, he was worth getting into a relationship with. The other advantage of being friends first, means that we are still friends, and he is one of my favourite people to hang out with

Title	Dating your friend is okay in the FDS strategy book?
Author	notallowed2havepizza
Upvotes	64
Comments	16
Date	September 7, 2021 3:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pjpebs/dating_your_friend_is_okay_in_the_fds_strategy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dating-your-friend-is-okay-in-the-fds-strategy.1067534 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067534

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