Hi ladies. I matched with a guy on OLD in another state and we’ve been talking for a while. I know both of these (OLD and long-distance) are FDS no-nos, but hear me out. First, my city unfortunately sucks for dating. Second, we are in the same fairly small professional field (students currently, him one year ahead, good job lined up). Third, we have tons in common, including all sorts of small/obscure things, and fourth, he did indicate he was looking for a serious relationship. I’ve been vetting of course with lots of green flags. Finally, I would never make a career decision around a man, but I happen to have had my sights set on his location for years now and there are more jobs in this field there than here.

We were planning to meet irl, with him flying me out to his city and getting me somewhere to stay. We also discussed him coming to me, but this was better schedule-wise due to a difference in school calendars. He clarified some things on his end a couple days ago and was going to book everything but had trouble finding flights that weren’t exorbitant or didn’t have multiple stops and an available hotel that was both safe and convenient.

He then said he thought it’d be better to wait until our winter breaks, and I said I wasn’t going to stick around for that long without meeting. He said that hurt and later in the day said my “ultimatum” reminded him of an unhealthy prior relationship, which made him less enthused about everything.

When I said what I said, I felt like I was setting a boundary, but now I’m worried I screwed up. (Speaking of past relationships… 🙃 someone told me once, regarding one of my own, that my ex’s demeanor suddenly changed because “he saw something in you he didn’t like.” That keeps going through my head here.)

So, was I too harsh? And is there any salvaging this?

Thank you 💙