RPW started out with Laura Doyle for the older married ladies and over the years transitioned to finding and keeping a man for the younger millennials and zoomers. I know you ancient post wall hags (like myself) are out there, trying to glean what you can from the wiki and the discussions. But anyone who has been married for a few years knows that time, comfort and proximity can change the playing field. Add in kids and we just went from Texas Hold’em to Seven Card Stud but no one told you. (These are different games right? I don’t play games, I’m a terrible loser)

 

Laura Doyle has her place and she’s worth a read.

 

However

 

When we transitioned to younger women asking for dating advice, we lost a picture of what real marriages (/LLTRs) look like. No husband makes all the right decisions no matter how hard you vet. No woman is happily submissive all the time without question.

 

I was taught that marriage is work. There will be those of you out there, young and old, who want to virtue signal to me that If you pick the right man, it’s not work or my husband is my best friend and we never disagree.  One, I don’t believe you. Two, that’s not the full picture.

 

When you merge your lives together (can we all agree to call it “married” for now, whether you legally are or just consider yourself to be)… when you merge your lives together, you agree to put in the effort to make the relationship unit function.  You may be doing the same things you did while you were single but now those things are also responsibilities you have to another person.

 

What do I mean? We all have to eat. I don’t know about you guys but I had plenty of wine and cheese dinners when I was single. If I suggested cheese for dinner, Guy would … well, he’d pull a steak out of the fridge and grill it himself while looking at my olives in disgust. Kaos and Mae-Hem would love cheese for dinner but you know, I’m not sure that’s stellar parenting…hmmmm  

 

I’m back. I suddenly found myself in need of some wine and olives and cheese. Now where was I?

 

Work. Marriage, done correctly, is going to require some work on your part. When things are going well, there is peace and love and the work is a pleasure. But not always. This is why Laura Doyle is a lie. These books are a snapshot in time. She can tell stories about how her methods produce results and give you anecdotes of happy marriages. She’s not wrong, her methods aren’t wrong. We are just still human.

 

Our men will make decisions that we don’t agree with. Our kids will be whiny tornados destroying everything in their wake. (What, not yours, just mine?). Some days, the work of living will just be, work.

 

And that is ok. If we learn nothing else from RPW, it’s to be the best versions of ourselves we can be. We won’t ever be perfect. We won’t ever have a perfect relationship. Instead, we are striving to be the best. Some days the best is going to be best-er than other days. We take what we learned, about ourselves and our men, and apply it to the relationship as much as we are able. That might not mean submitting every time. I don’t walk through my marriage in a blissful state of unquestioning-ness. I’m sure Guy would love it if I did. I’m not sure that our marriage would be better for it.

 

There is a balancing act in applying RPW principles to a marriage, especially one with kids. Kaos and Mae-Hem have been a blessing to our lives but have changed us in so many ways. I’d like to talk about that some more. I think I have the time. I hope it’s something you want to hear about.