How much of an issue are "leagues" in dating?

Constant-Wanderer · 2022-01-14T13:10:28+00:00

This is where “if he wanted to, he would” comes into play. No matter who the guy is, if you’re interested, give him the simplest of encouragement, and that’s all. Just one invitation, and nothing more. If you smile at the right moment, or a single “you can call me” in any iteration appropriate to the moment, and then let him do the rest.

Exactly the same as you’d do for a less fabulously wealthy man.

Because no matter who they are, no matter where they’re from, if they want to, they will.

If you drop a single “invitation” and they don’t jump all over it, they’re not interested. Because they will move mountains, buck tradition, and ignore family to be with you if they want you, even if you’re not up to financial par.

The stark reality is that truly rich people mostly stick to their own. Like old-money rich, they rarely date outside their circles, and we just move differently from them, no matter how much we think we look the same.

VintagePallor · 2022-01-14T11:49:27+00:00

You're overthinking. We do not pursue, we are pursued. If a HVM is actively pursuing you he thinks you are a HVW and at least "in his league". Because we are not PickMes and do not throw ourselves at disinterested men it does not affect us at all if a man thinks we are "not good enough" for him, it would literally never come up. Because we vet ruthlessly we quickly and easily weed out rich or handsome LVM who are believe they are "slumming it" or "settling" with us. If a man is into you he will let you know and if a man is into you he's not looking down on you. Don't sweat it.

Borokque · 2022-01-14T12:24:05+00:00

As a side note, marrying men who are way wealthier than you/ than you can reasonably foresee yourself being in the future, causes a power imbalance that doesn't end well the majority of the time imo.

That doesn't mean you should think of yourself as lesser, or not shoot your shot at all, but just that you should think hard if you would be able to afford to follow a similar lifestyle as him completely on your own with only your own money. If not, there is risk involved.

Lifestyle compatibility is important, because what can seem like small grievances could compound over time and cause resentment on both sides even if you both love each other dearly.

Edit: spelling

Carneliancat · 2022-01-14T15:23:53+00:00

Money is just money. It buys experiences and comfort. It does not make a person better than you, and it certainly doesn't mean that a man won't be drawn to you simply because you don't have as much as him. Men are attracted to women for their charm, attractiveness, and the way a woman makes a man feel by being in her presence. A HVM is not going to be judging a woman for not being as wealthy as he is, and in fact a HVM is happy to take on a provider role for those he cares about. In the meantime, just be your lovely self. If you are drawn to someone who has money, treat him exactly the same as you would any man who piques your interest. And remember he chases you. You are the prize, so act like it. None of this self-consciousness is necessary.

LateDiagnosedAutie · 2022-01-14T16:17:44+00:00

I think I can actually provide a number for this. My dad's not a member of the ultra wealthy, but he IS 'useful enough' to them to get some insight into their world and how they think.

Basically, anyone whose net worth falls below 10 million dollars can be considered 'fair game' in terms of potential romance and compatibility. Above 10 million would mean entering the world of the really frightening 1% who have a truly alien perspective about how the world works. Avoid them at all costs!

NoMoreLVM · 2022-01-14T11:59:53+00:00

You’re overthinking. Leagues are no objective categories that exist. Sure, there is some objectivity when perceiving the attractiveness of others, but someone who is a 5 to some will be a 10 to others.

I doubt LVM overthink their value and aim for a 7 bevause they perceive themselves as a 5 (unless they’re deep into red pill territory). Instead, they just try their best indiscriminately with those they find desirable and see what sticks. Go for people you find attractive, that’s it. Have a minimum set of requirements you want from a partner (whether it’s looks or income or any other qualities), and assess from there. The point is to never settle below what you actually want.

ifhewantedtohewould · 2022-01-14T11:54:29+00:00

If you practice being a HVW, you decide who’s in your league, and that’s the fun part ;)

Anonimica_X · 2022-01-14T16:57:28+00:00

Well there a few things to consider here when dating hypergamously---

Your vetting game will have to be extremely robust and then some. Because money has an annoying habit of blinding people to some glaring faults. It happens almost unconsciously.
You will have to actively make sure that you're not putting the guy on a pedestal. In essence, you can never entertain the headspace that the guy is out of your league, because then you've lost.
It is a HVM's job to spoil you and make sure you're well taken care of financially and emotionally. So the basic principles of FDS will apply regardless of income levels.
Make sure you're protected financially and legally in the event of a separation and/or divorce. And you should be aware of all the finances at all times in your long term relationship/marriage.
Last but not least, you need to know when to walk away. Sometimes even if everything is working out well with the guy, but say there are issues with the family and he's not willing to take your side --- it's time to leave.

gingerandlime · 2022-01-14T14:31:39+00:00

I’m not sure about the existence of leagues. I’ve dated several men from wildly wealthy families (hilariously , all of them I was interested in before they disclosed anything about this) who had varying access to resources themselves and to me none of them provided appropriate value in the dating relationship. You don’t know what value someone will bring to your life except by vetting them over time, so I wouldn’t be too worried about someone’s perceived value to the outside world.

No_Fig2938 · 2022-01-14T13:16:02+00:00

The talk about leagues is different in the context of fds for men and women, Firstly because most men lack basic human decency and the ability to function, in addition to not caring what you as a person, those things are a must for relationships of all kinds, and sense most women having been taught all those things are out of most men's league.

When men go after hot women they're not magically only attracted to conventionally attractive women, and if you ever talked to men about the ogling, sexual harassment or whatever they'll tell you that men are attracted to like 90% of women (as if that's an excuse), meaning men only go after hot women so they can show her off like a trophy to get an ego boost, while also disregarding her needs and personhood, also this man knows inside that the women in question is more attractive than them and is insecure, if they get the women in question they will neg her and make her feel like trash out of thier jealousy, while also looking for another trophy, this type of man is trash and lv af and no one deserves to be put in his presence.

On the other hand when women want "men out of thier league" it's just the man is hot and wealthy, though that does not equal hv, I say this is typical male projection that women pick up, what league exactly are we talking about here? Women are not shallow creature like men who only look at those things, as said in the podcast, if a man is trash but wealthy he'll only attract Hollywood level in acting gold diggers who can stomache his trashiness( all power to them I don't care XD)

Lastly you said it yourself, if you think there's compatibly issues that might personally cause you issues you can stick to someone with lower wealth, I personally am not comfortable with hanging out with the upper class (I don't live in the west so I don't know if it's the same here as there tho), though if you wanna date someone who's a millionaire because he seemed hv then do ahead.

Also i read a study before that thier exist no universal measurements of attractiveness (except for some features), what is attractive to some might be repulsive to others, what matter is if you're both attracted to each other.

ax1zula · 2022-01-14T12:54:52+00:00

The number system is archaic and inherently low value, people can't be assigned numbers. Leagues aren't really a thing outside of high school.

CelebrityWitchClub · 2022-01-14T13:11:02+00:00

Im literally sick Of this narrative . SI CK. LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY. I live in the most expensive post code IN THE WORLD . I went to the MOST expensive school in europe . THEREFORE ITS SAFE TO SAY that i know a TON of exceptionally wealthy men and women . And let me tell u smth. STATISTICALLY RICH MEN date WOMEN THAT DO SOMETHING FOR THEIR SOUL. ( NOT the supermodels , NOT the youngest, NOT rich , NOT gorgeous ) so many of my friends are famous RICH men whose gfs are … shockingly LESS THEN AVERAGE in looks dep and job titles !!!! STOP STOP STOP THIS SHIT STOP!!!! In my circle of girls there is a JOKE ‘ do not fear the young and beautiful fear the less then average ‘ u know why!!!!!!!???? 1) these men KNOW they can hVe any woman they want therefore they look at smth MORE then shallow 2) these men are narcs therefore they need someone LESS then them who will always be in awe of him /close her eyes WHILE HE CHEATS WITH ‘ SUPERMODEL’ 3) these men like when a woman has less , because he feels important!!! These men RARELY DATE BILLIONAIRES DAUGHTERS !!! In fact 9/10 of my friends who r from BILLIONAIRE families r ALL single and when they r ready to marry they marry a a much younger GOOD looking dude with way less money then her . THE ONLY PLACE WHERE U HEAR FKIN SCROTES TALKING ABOUT HIERARCHY IS REDDIT!! Believe me !! Im in the environment 99999% of these reddit scrotes can only dream about!! They watch Batman and think its them lmaooooooo. In real world of super rich , standards r DIFFERENT.

randomgirl34861 · 2022-01-15T16:28:54+00:00

My boyfriend grew up really differently from me. His parents made a lot of money, although he’s not wealthy now. He makes good money and doesn’t have debt (same with me). The class difference has honestly added some extra character to the relationship. I got to be the first person to take him to a Dollar Store and now he’s hooked. A few months ago we saw a shirtless, gross scrotey-looking man making repeated trips to the dumpster at our old apartment. He was a eyesore, but harmless. Clearly just cleaning out some things. My boyfriend was so unsettled by the sight of this man he turned to me and said, ”What do you think we should do? Do we need to call the police?” and I burst out laughing. Guess there’s no out of shape shirtless men with guts hanging over their jeans where he’s from. If a man is high-value and genuine in his intentions for you, the class difference can be interesting if you’re both willing to explore each other’s worlds respectfully and without judgment.

Title	How much of an issue are "leagues" in dating?
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	202
Comments	29
Date	January 14, 2022 11:28 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/s3q7aq/how_much_of_an_issue_are_leagues_in_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-much-of-an-issue-are-leagues-in-dating.1096279 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096279

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